December 15, 2010

Yeah I suck all the way around!

I know I know....

I've been nesting people! Thanks for the hate messages about my tardiness though...makes me feel loved! OK first things first!

The reveal for our new home was awesome. I did it just like I stated I would.
I planned a "surprise family day" with my immediate family~ my mom, my dad, my sister and my brother. They came to our apartment and we piled into the SUV and headed on our family day. Once we hit the freeway I told them we were going house-hunting, to lunch, rock-wall climbing (to shock my mom) and bowling!! I told them we were meeting our realtor first at an open house and then we'd go from there. Yay! We took them through the neighborhood around the back so they could oooh and ahhhhhh then right into our drive-way. I told them Dori (our realtor) was inside. We walked up the steps and I gave my mom the keys. At that instant I think my dad got it but my mom....well not so much. She couldn't unlock the door b/c she was so nervous (she later told me she thought a dog was inside and we were making her open the door to scare her). So I took the keys and opened it and I said "This is our home"!!! Everyone heard that but my mom. Everyone was looking around and taking it all in and then I said "mom what do you think"??? She said this is niceeeeeeeeeeeee and I said mom this is OURSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Her eyes got all big and she was like WHAT!!!!! She had no clue and had been in the house almost 5 minutes! ha ha They all loved it and we told them deliveries would be coming through-out the day and I said you guys go with Tommy and mom and J will go with me. They were baffled b/c we only had the one car since I worked downtown directly across the street. So we took them out back where our new car was parked!! Yaaaaaaaay surprise number #2...small but relevant. So we hugged and off we went to shop all day which my mom and sister LOVED!!!! The boys went to pick up TVs, dining chairs, rugs, etc...
It was a long day and my brother and mom ended up staying the night and helping us move the kitchen that night and big things the next day! It was a great family day! Worked out just as I planned! We shared the excitement of our first home with our family. It was fabulous!

We have been here almost a month now and I've been doing some major nesting. I just love being home and just "being" in my own space! We've done a lot of painting, buying new things, lotsssssssss of home depot visits! It's been great! I love it! The whole experience is dreamy! I'm still scared to be home alone at night though....too much space and too many "house sounds" and rustling leaves! UGH! However I'm getting use to it.

This Sunday I'm actually going to be baking all morning and preparing goodies to go meet all the neighbors. I've met about 6 of them so far but I've been so busy that I haven't actually got out and did my 1950's style introduction complete with baked goods, full hair and make-up, a belted dress and heels! ha ha

GET READY TO MEET "THE HILLS" EVERYONE!

December 1, 2010

Some days are better than others...

So today my cousin found out she is having a girl...
I was genuinely thrilled when I got the news today. After getting over my initial shock months ago of her surprise pregnancy, having a mini break-down and then becoming withdrawn from her a bit. We rekindled our relationship and I thought I was mentally ready to embrace it.

I knew the appt was today and I'd been excited for her all day. She called and I knew it was a girl...that was my thought all along and I was right! I was over-joyed talking to her on the phone b/c I knew she wanted a girl! She was so excited and I was excited for her. We talked and laughed basically just rejoicing that we get to shop our azzes off for a baby girl. I was all smiles and as soon as we hung up my entire mood changed. I had been at the mall that entire time and then it just hit me. My lip started to quiver, my eyes started filling up so I had to make a mad dash out of the mall to my car before I came un-glued. I made it...tried to regain my composure and then one tear fell. Good I thought, just one..I'm ok. I sucked it up...put the car in drive and I was fine...drove freely about 10 minutes and then got caught by a light. That obviously gave me too much time to think and before I knew it I was full-on sobbing. Ugh.....when will this ever end. Next April will mark the 3 years of this journey and I'm so tired. I just pray to God I'll be able to get my IVF before then. We figured it was smarter to get our house first...I'm starting to second guess that now. I just felt like getting a house was something I could control ya know. I can't really control an IVF..we could pay the 10,000 and it not work and we walk away in the same situation we started less 10,000.

Now I'm in my house and I love it but all I can think is man it's quiet here :(

November 14, 2010

Blessed Abundantly!!!

I've always heard the saying that sometimes "God just shows up and shows out"!!!! For some who are unfamiliar with that saying and/or meaning it just means that there are moments in your life that it's becomes unbelievable but in a GREAT way! Now I've always had a pretty charmed life but I must say once I met and married my husband it was love like I've never ever experienced in my life. I mean "ALL IN" kind of love, no holding back, no plan Bs or Cs...just unfiltered no back-up plan having love. Once I let go of my inhibitions, God showed up and showed out!!

Now here we are 3 years into our marriage and almost 5 years together (in February) and we are experiencing some major highs! A lot of first time joys. A few weeks back I posted about something I wasn't disclosing yet. No it's not pregnancy but hey after all this wonderfulness it may be next be the next great surprise!

Most of you know about Tommy's NY project and how he didn't take that promotion but ended up being promoted here. Well once we knew we were remaining in Texas I was ready to house-hunt again. We went out with our realtor/friend Dori Warner to look at four houses. No luck until the LAST house on the FIRST day back out. Found the cutest 1940's bungalow, updated but still had it's original hardwoods and all the charm of an older home. That included but it no means limited to pocket doors, crystal door knobs and in wall mail slot just to name a few! Simply Darling!!! I looked at my husband and said "Babe, I WANT it"! The very next day was our anniversary and after the spa but before dinner we put an offer on it. The next day it was accepted. We got a GREAT deal!! We did a 45 day close and a 2 week lease back to the sellers. That 2 weeks is up on Friday and we can take possession of the house on Saturday the 20th (but they may move sooner)! I have told most of my friends and Tommy's family knows but NONE of my family knows! I will tell my immediate family on Saturday the 20th and I'm sooooooooooooooooo stinking excited it's unreal!!!

The Plan: My family loves to hang out and one of the things we enjoy is piling in the SUV and going to lunch and doing some house-admiring! We look at open homes, model homes, condos, etc! So this coming Saturday I told my mom we are having "family day" and to meet us at our apartment at 11am. I haven't told them what we are going to do yet but once they are here I'm going to tell them that we are going to do some house-admiring, lunch and hit the city lighting ceremony for the holidays! Only when once we pile into the SUV the first open house we are going to will be OUR HOUSE!!!!!! We'll take them in and I'll be like TA DAAAAAAAAAA this is our home!!!!!! My mom will probably cry or something! lol We have lots of furniture being delivered that day, new tvs, mattresses, dining table ya know all the bells and whistles. While the guys handle that, I'll take my mom and sis with me to shop for accessories, curtains, rugs, etc (we all live for shopping)!!! It's going to be a family thing...something everyone will always remember. A super cute surprise of being apart of our first day in our first home!

Besides that blessing- everything is just falling into place...the home is in the area we want to be in, we purchased a new car the other day b/c we only had one since I worked and lived downtown, after years working on our credit it is FABBBBB, we were able to find and purchase furniture with no problems. That amongst a million other things have just been coming together wonderfully! We are soooooo excited it's unreal! We have been wanting to get our first home for a while now but it was always something from the possibility of moving to NY or ATL, once we lost a bid on a house while in the middle of the carribean in St. Lucia! Just random drama! Now we see it was God saving and directing us to something more tailored for our lives! Like I said just Blessed Abundantly!

I'll let y'all know how the home reveal goes! I have A LOT to do this week!

November 1, 2010

My weekend, Trick or Treating and November Already!

Boy did we have a kid-packed weekend!!!! OMG!! My 17 yr old sister and 3 yr old nephew came over Friday for the entire weekend. Then on Saturday afternoon my 7 month old TEETHING god-son came over for the night. Let's just say it was the most un-relaxing weekend ever!!!!! Noise, noise, crying, screaming and whining! Ow!

It turned around on Sunday though b/c all the kids went back to their rightful owners!!! Sunday night we went trick or treating with my nephew and family in my mom's neighborhood. He was Batman and he was both super excited and afraid at the same time! ha ha I'm sure going to hate when he outgrows this age! It's just the cutest sweetest thing ever!

I can't believe it's November already! Thanksgiving is in 3 weeks and before we know it Christmas will be here!! What the heck happened to October??!!! I'm just amazed how quick the year passed! It'll be 2011 in a matter of minutes! I can't wait to see what next year has in store!

My nephew on every Halloween so far- (except 2007 he was only 10 months old and his costume was Spiderman. He took professional pics that yr since he was too young for trick or treating)

KEY AS BATMAN (2010)


KEY AS A BOXER (2009)


KEY AS THE LIL STINKER (SKUNK) (2008)


October 20, 2010

Where has the time gone!

Time obviously got away from me so let me do a quick update-

Nothing on the fertility front. I've been getting lots of messages and questions about our timeline. It looks as though we will be waiting until next year for sure. Right now we have other things on the horizon. Starting a family is still priority but in order to relieve some stress we agreed to move it back. Tommy's schedule is crazy right now with all the growth in his company and next month he will start traveling again. It's the price we must pay due to his promotion. We are blessed beyond comprehension so we have accepted that our time-line may not be God's. I will update you guys as soon as we start back on the fertility wagon. Thanks for your concern, support and all of your wonderful stories.

In other news:

I started my second boot camp last week and guess what?! My hubby joined!! Turns out he really loved getting his azz kicked on friends/family week last month! We go to some classes together but I'm a morning chick and he prefers evenings. I also put my self on repeat registration for the next 6 months! I'm hoping to see some killer results!!

We've been on a super-tight budget but my hubby managed to get us to a Cowboys game two weeks ago and to a Rangers play-off game last Saturday. I'm a sports chick so I was thrilled!!! I love the energy of professional sports and going to games is always a treat for me. This Saturday I'm going to see Anjelah Johnson at House of Blues and to dinner with some friends. For those who do not know Anjelah- she's freaking hilarious. I was introduced to her through this clip below and I've loved her every since! I can't wait to see her live!!

This is an oldie but goodie and it'll have you yelling "SEKURITYYYYY"!!

October 11, 2010

Gladiator Games 2010





Saturday the hubs and I competed in Gladiator Games which was basically a fitness challenge event put on by my boot camp. It consisted of a 5K, exercise stations, obstacle course and other competitive events. It was super challenging but very very fun and rewarding. Oh and it just so happened that I ran my best time in the 5K! It was 36.28 and I seriously believe I could have done better but my shoes are horribleeeeeeee!! I was just hoping those bad boys wouldn't fall apart while I was running! lol So yes new shoes are on the horizon! I can't wait to do more events like this with my husband. We really enjoyed all the activities! Here's to a happier, healthier and more challenging life-style! Live Life Adventurously!

****ALL MY FB FRIENDS CAN SEE ALL THE PICS IN MY ALBUM****





September 30, 2010

Taking Care of Business

Today was a longgggggg day! I got up bright and early so I could make 6:45 boot camp. It was weight day and it was brutal! OMG everything on me aches! It's a good pain though. Only 2 more days to go in this camp. I plan on going tmrw morning at 6am and Saturday morning at 9am. My goal is to get in 5 times this week! Wish me luck.

After boot camp I hit the grocery store and that was a task being that I was tired! I'll tell you what though you know how ppl say not to go to the grocery store when you are hungry bc you buy any and everything? Well it's the total opposite when you go to the store AFTER a hard work-out! lol You buy nothing but fruit, veggies, salad, yogurt and other healthy items! I think I'll do that from now on!

After my work-out and errands. I came home and hit the shower and got dressed for the day bc hubby and I had business to take care of. It was pretty much an all day thing from like 9-3. After we got home we got in the bed and snuggled and just talked before he headed off to work. As we were snuggled up it just hit me how in love we are. I just really genuinely enjoy my husband. When we spend time together it is just so apparent how much we truly enjoy each other's company. Married for 3 wonderful years and together for almost 5 (nxt February). I've never been happy like this before and it is truly effortless.

We have some big things on the horizon and I'm just so happy to be able to share them with my amazing husband. Sometimes he just makes me swoon :-)

September 26, 2010

Calgon Take me Away-

My stress level has risen in the last week by millions!!!! I'm a pretty easy going chick especially since I've been with Tommy. I can take things as they come and not fret over every little thing that comes my way. However, last week sent me into over-drive and that will be continuing for a while!!!

I can't speak on one of the stressful things right now but believe you me my head is rocking!!! I can't sleep and all I do is think about this particular thing over and over and over. Everything is moving along smoothly but in order not to jinx it we haven't told a soul. Even with the smooth sailing there are some aspects that just freak me out! I can't wait till this part is over. Patience is a virtue that I just do not have! I think when God was giving that out I was in the line for a extra serving of thigh! (Shaking my head)

Second thing is we went to court last Thursday for my nephew's custody and his "mom" (who is the lowest form of scum to date) frankly lied all the way through the proceedings. I mean I knew this girl was trash but my oh my did she really show it even more in front of the judge. My mom was so stressed she was in tears and just frantic. I haven't shared much of the back story on here but we've had my nephew since he was 2 weeks old (my brother was in jail). We have cared for him in every way; financially, physically and emotionally while she has done NOTHING for him in almost 4 years. She would go months without seeing him and weeks without calling. She's never so much as bought him a pair of socks!!! Now since my brother is home and not at all interested in her using his child as a pawn she wants to take him back. So even though last week we were granted temporary physical custody (she can only see him on the weekend) we are still not out of the woods. We go back to court on Dec. 2nd and I think we may need a lawyer since she perjured herself so much and no one heard our side of the story. It's just so emotionally draining.

Between these TWO major things I have going on right now my mind is spent. I just can't wait for something to give you know. So basically I'm going to be praying to keep my sanity over the next month for thing #1 and the next 2 months for the hearing. God please give me strength to make it through this one extremely exciting but scary thing and through this emotionally draining custody battle. Amen!

September 23, 2010

Our Anniversary was GREAT!!!

We celebrated our 3rd anniversary on Tuesday the 21st and it was wonderful!! We woke up super early and went to 6:45am boot camp and got our azzes handed to us! Came back home showered and napped then a few hours later we grabbed a slice of pizza patio-side for lunch.

Then off to the Ritz Carlton for our spa day. We got there early so we could relax and enjoy the ambiance before our services. We had an 80 minute couples massage in a private suite and ritual couples bath afterward. It was heavenly!!! It was Tommy's first massage and now he's hooked! The candlelit bath was very romantic and accompanied by wine. After our services I took a siesta in the relaxation room while Tommy enjoyed the steam room and five head shower. We definitely have to do that again and again and againnnnnnnnn.

That evening we went to dinner at the new Perry's restaurant and it was wonderful. A great dinner to cap off a great day. A happy anniversary it was! La La La Laaaaaaa!!

I gotta say I'm really loving my life and my husband. I couldn't ask for more! I'm so in love with my husband it's border-line annoying! LOL

September 19, 2010

Something Like a Miracle (Explanation)

I had several people ask me why my blog is titled "Something Like a Miracle". The explanation is simple. It's stems from a lyric within a song that my husband and I love. It also (in my opinion) defines the journey to my husband. When Tommy and I started dating one of the CDs that we use to LOVE was John Legend's first CD. One of the songs was titled "Stay with You". In it he stated how the love he shared with this person was so good and stable that it was something like a miracle. That particular lyric stuck with us and we'd always sing it louder than any other part of the song. It just became our thing.

That lyric was mentioned in Tommy's wedding vows that he wrote to me and I had it engraved in his wedding band. It will always have a special meaning to us and whenever we hear that song we still sing that verse just as loud as we did almost 5 years ago.



"Stay With You"

We've been together for a while now
We're growing stronger everyday now
It feels so good and there's no doubt
I will stay with you as each morning brings sunrise
And the flowers bloom in springtime
On my love you can rely
And I'll stay with you

Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you

Though relationships can get old
They have the tendency to grow cold
We have something like miracle
Yeah, and I'll stay with you

Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you

And there will be heartaches and pains, yes it will
But through it all, we will remain
In this life, we all know
Friends may come, and they may go
Through the years I know
I will stay
And in the end I know that we'll find
Love so beautiful and divine
We'll be lovers for the lifetime, yeah
And I'll stay with you
I will stay with you

Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you
Everything will be fine
And I will stay with you
Through the end of time
I will stay with you

September 14, 2010

Boot Camp! My New thannnggggg!!

I joined Camp Gladiator on September 6, 2010 and I absolutely love it! It's never the same work-out and it encompasses everything ie: cardio, weights, drills, sprints, etc...

I'm still planning to keep up my running but right now it's taken a back seat while I get situated with my new thannnggggg!!!

They have like 30 locations and AM/PM classes plus Saturdays so it works well with my schedule (or lack there of) and still allows me to have plenty of free-time. The classes normally have b/t 25-40 (sometimes less depending on time/weather) people in them, both men and women. All different ages, body types and fitness levels. I didn't feel overwhelmed or embarrassed, but I did FEEL it!!!! Muscles I hadn't felt in a while were screaming...nothing like I feel when I run. I felt like I really did something beyond my normal comfort level. You never repeat a work-out. Which to me equals No Boredom which equals actually looking forward to seeing "what's new" for the next class!!

I'm hoping to couple my boot camp with running in hopes that I see some quicker results. For now I'm just really enjoying the experience and getting to meet new people. I love being outside in the elements and just going full-out and feeling like I'm going to die...just to go high-five someone and say I'll see ya tomorrow :-)
Oh and one of the best things is THEY NEVER CANCEL CLASS, NO MATTER WHAT THE WEATHER!! I've seen footage of actual classes in a down-pour and instead of scaring me they drew me in! I can't wait for my first boot camp in the rain! It's going to be super cool! lol

Like I said before it's my new thannnggggg!

September 7, 2010

Updates!

I haven't blogged in a while so let me catch everyone up-

The Husband-

My husband comes home tomorrow afternoon and THANK GOD!!! He's been gone since August 29th. He had a 3-day meeting in ATL and then a week in NY. I've missed him so much! He's only been gone 10 days this time but it seems longer. He is really ready for this project to be over b/c the poor thing is homesick. He had the cutest status on Facebook the other day. It said " Missing my Wife--Missing my Life". He's so precious, I just love him.

Last Monday the August 30th it was announced in Atlanta at the yearly Manager's Meeting that my husband is the new General Manager of the Southern Region!!!! He will now be over New Orleans and Memphis in addition to DFW. Woo-Hoo! So it appears the NY project worked in our favor!! He was offered the NY position about a month ago but he declined. God always works it out b/c my husband received a huge promotion anyway and WELL DESERVED might I add! So proud of him I could cry.

Running and BOOT CAMP-

I have been running regularly- I was at the lake about 4 times last week and it was great. I'm so glad that I'm comfortable doing things on my own. I just get up and go with no hesitation. I love that I'm somewhat disciplined (and I do mean somewhat)! I could always be better but I can say I'm doing OK.

I also started boot camp yesterday. My first one EVER and I think I love it!! I'm so sore that it's comical. Just sitting down and getting up is a task --I kid you not when I say everythingggggggg is sore! OMG! There were a lot of drills, sprinting and weight reps. I did pretty good I think-the trainers gave me lots of compliments on my form and the fact that I didn't die (eyebrow). The camp is a month long and they have like 30 locations and staggered AM and PM times so it's very convenient. I plan to couple it with my running if I'm not too sore. Wish me luck!

Our Anniversary-

On the 21st it will be our 3rd anniversary. We will be here in town so we are going to have lunch, then an afternoon couples massage and ritual bath at the Ritz Carlton spa. That night we're having dinner at new swanky restaurant. I'm looking forward to it b/c he really needs and deserves some major pampering. The massage suite is super romantic with tons of candles, soft music and aromatherapy and after 80 minutes we are going to be noodles. It's a good thing we have the ritual bath afterwards which is a huge bath tub in a private suite with candles, rose petals, bath oils, music, etc... We just get to sit in there and relax. It's going to be wonderful! I can't wait! A great way to celebrate 3 years of marital bliss!


Basically with all that's going on (and not going on) I'm a pretty happy woman. I'm really enjoying being retired and not being on someone's schedule. More "me" time!! I've been really needing this change...

August 24, 2010

Second Guessing!

Last week I kept my nephew for a few days. He's a pretty normal fixture at my place but last week was different. It shed a lot of light on the whole parenting gig.

A little back story: Tommy and I are a one-car family right now. We have been for years b/c our first place had a train station downstairs and it LITERALLY dropped me off at the front door of my office. When we moved from there to downtown it just so happened that my office moved to a new building and that building is directly across the street from my residence. I literally walked out of my residential lobby across the street through a building and into the next. Approximately a 2 minute commute if that! So needless to say another car wasn't needed for work and my husband and I as cliche as it sounds are BFF and we spend a lot of time together.

While he was in NY I had the luxury of having the vehicle at my disposal and coming and going as needed. For instance when my nephew was here the week before last we had 3 play dates, story time at Barnes and Noble, lunches out, etc.
This past week was wayyyyyyy different b/c Tommy was here and working so he was gone during the day in the car. It was too hot for swimming in the day or the park. Too hot to travel for play dates and I was exhausted. My nephew was restless and I was exhausted to keep up. When Tommy got home each day around 7:30 he was tired but my nephew WASN'T and wanted his attention (as did I). After I'd cook or whatever they would both be sleep by like 9 or 9:30. So I had no time with my husband, no real interaction. Another day I had a dinner date with a girlfriend so when Tommy got here I was leaving and when I returned he and Key were once again sleep. The next I had a movie/dinner date with my cousin b/c our schedules kept clashing and that was an evening we both had free. Needless to say once I returned Tommy and Key were fed, showered and sleep AGAIN. OK, I'm starting to see a pattern.

So Friday morning my nephew and I walked to breakfast about 10 blocks away. We ate and stopped by the store on the way back for new pool toys. After nap time I took my nephew to the park cafe across the street for ice cream and a hot dog. Then we went to the pool and I was still exhausted just from entertaining him all week and trying to fit in my friends. Luckily there were tots at the pool and my nephew shared his toys and I could sit by the side and just watch him play. About 30 minutes later the tots left so I became as I had been all week his only "playmate". We stayed at the pool for hours and he was having a great time. Then I heard him say "Buddha"!!!! I looked and my husband was coming through the gate. He came home early and came down to be with us. It was very sweet b/c I know he was tired and could have used a nap without being disturbed since we had no idea he was home.

Anyway I said all that to say this:
We caught up at the pool, you know talked and just re-connected a bit and it made me think...A LOT! We dropped my nephew off at my mom's Saturday morning around 10:30, went to a meeting then back home b/c I was going out that night with my beautiful gays and a girlfriend. While I was getting dressed that evening my I asked my husband come into the bathroom while I was doing my hair. Now every 2-3 months I do a what I call "check-in" with my hubby. I ask him if he is happy, anything he wants to change, does he have any concerns, could I be doing anything better as a wife, etc...

That always starts pretty deep conversations for us and we use that ice-breaker as our little therapy session. He asked me if I had any concerns and I did....concerns about the baby situation. After realizing how tired I was, how tired he was, how easily irritated I was at times and just our lack of connection that entire week b/c we were so absorbed with my nephew and life in general. It made me nervous about what a full-time child(ren) could do to us. Tommy and I are VERY close and our connection to one another is strong but trying to balance it while being pulled by a tot was hard. I felt disconnected from my husband, clingy, irritable and I knew where it was stemming from. I had to share my husband not just with his job but also a child that had no worry about neither one of us being tired or not having alone time. It was difficult and I'm a bit of a spoiled brat so the adjustment was hard for me. I have never felt that as much as I did last week. We've had my nephew for numerous days at a time for almost 4 years now. I think 10 days was the longest and even then I didn't feel the disconnect like I did last week...nowhere near.

It made me fearful of what our lives would be like with children all the time. I see so many marriages just become so child-focused and honestly I don't want that. My husband and I are the foundation of our marriage and our family and if that cracks it will only be inevitable that "we" may disappear. That scares me. So now I find myself second-guessing my want for children. My intention is not to gain children at the cost of our relationship. Children change everything and honestly I'm not sure if I'm ready for change so permanent.

August 19, 2010

More baby news...I think I did better this time!

Went to dinner with a girlfriend this evening-

...and this is how it played out:

Waiter- Would you ladies like wine or cocktails?

Me- Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm let me check the drink menu

GF- ummm no thanks just water with lemon

Me- I'll have a glass of Riesling please

(waiter walks away)

GF- I wanted to tell you in person....I'm pregnant!

Me- (Gasp)...(mind swirling)...(heart fluttering)

Me- Oh my God, congratulations! (after I regained the power to speak)


I felt like I was going to cry but I didn't...
I truly had to talk myself down from shedding tears in a public place...
I felt my mood changing but I kept my composure...

Turns out she had an IUI last month (her first) and it worked!! It really was great news! She deserves it. She has been wanting to be a mother for a long time and I know she will be a great one! I was excited for her and even though I'm sad/anxious for myself, I was able to separate the two emotions. I guess that's a start right?

August 16, 2010

Today was looking up...then I received a midday blow.

Shortly after I posted my first blog entry today I got some news.

Good news? I guess to some.

A relative is pregnant. Was she "trying"...not to my knowledge but...

It's hard to be excited for her when the first thing that popped into my mind was me.

Wrong? Some might think so but for me this has been a very long two in a half years.

I have the ideal situation in my opinion. A loving husband who is a partner and who will be a wonderful dad, financially sound and totally ready for a family. However having to jump through hoops when others don't can be a bit hard to swallow at times.

I kept it together through-out our conversation, cracked a few jokes, showed interest and concern all while crying silently on the other end of the phone.

It honestly made me lose my breath. While on the phone with her my husband skyped in from his office here. Why skype at that time..no idea. I told her I'd call her back (I didn't). My husband could see I was upset. I told him what had transpired and he of course apologized and felt helpless. It was awkward. I was embarrassed at my reaction but couldn't pull it together. I said my standard I don't want to talk response which was "I'm OK, it's no biggie". I told him I'd call him back (I didn't). Then my brother called...same scenario but by then I was crying so hard I could barely get my words out. Once again it was awkward. I was embarrassed at my reaction but couldn't pull it together. I said my standard I don't want to talk response which was "I'm OK, it's no biggie" and then I said I'd call him back (I didn't).

I went to the restroom and cried hysterically for what seemed like forever. I cleaned my face and then took a 4 hour nap and that's all I have to say about that.....

Life never ceases to amaze me!

A lot has transpired since my last blog.

As you can tell I was pretty defeated last Monday and here I am a week later and a lot has changed for the better!

It finally occurred to me (due to the fact my husband made it clear) that I can't control evvvvvvvvvvvvverything! Maybe it's a Cancer thing but I have a strong mind and being in control is a big deal in my world. I think the fact that I can't control my fertility makes me bananas! We will definitely get the IVF but obviously putting a time-line on it is just not feasible b/c life continues to happen. Being that we are paying for this 100% out of pocket (without dipping into savings/IRAs/retirement, etc) means we are going to hit some bumps that will slow us down. We refuse to acquire any debt starting our family so if it takes a few more months...so be it. We are not trying to regret or resent any decision we make so we want to go into this the right way which to us equals the responsible way. I can't wait to be pregnant and share this experience with my husband however it'll just take a little longer than we thought.

On a good note: My husband is back home!!! His facility here in Dallas needed his attention so instead of being in NY full-time he'll go every 3rd week. He'll also assist remotely if needed. So it worked out great for us b/c we get to see each other on a regular basis even though he will be pulling crazy hours at the office. He'll be here for two weeks then head to ATL for a manager's meeting then back to NY for a week. So he will be flying a lot but at least we get some quality time. Skype was great but there is nothing like the real thing :-)

As for my running--I worked out pretty good last week only 3 times instead of four but they were all intense and 2 were outside at the lake. I'm totally chilling today unless I get a wild hair which I so don't see happening. I do want to kick it up this week though. Hoping for some really intense workouts at the gym b/c it too damn hot outside! Still striving to reach my goal weight before my procedure starts.

I had a very busy week last week with my girlfriend for her birthday. I was able to get some pampering done and even a hair appt. I saw my family yesterday, went to church and had family dinner. So I'm exhausted, this week will definitely be more low-key...kind of! I plan on enjoying my husband and doing as little as possible. I do have a research group tmrw early afternoon, movies/dinner with my cousin Wednesday evening, going to take care of business with my bro one day this week, dinner with a my GF Onye on Thursday and then a meeting on Saturday. Besides that and work-outs I will be relaxing as much as possible.

Totally not missing work and amazingly on week 3 I'm still busy and not anxious at all! Yay me!

August 9, 2010

Always Something...

It seems like whenever I take 5 steps forward I end up taking 2 steps back. I just can't seem to get ahead with this IVF thing. I'm beginning to think maybe it's truly not meant for me to be a mother. Maybe it's a reason I can't get pregnant naturally. For the last few months I felt like next month is my month...but then something happens so that month moves back one. That one month has ended up being two and it seems like I'm in the mist of move #3. Looks like next month is moving back yet another month. It's just a constant battle of the same ole sh*t and to be honest I'm tired. I'm tired of wanting something that honestly just doesn't seem to want me. I'm tired of crying and stressing....Frankly, I'm tired of being tired.

I just don't think motherhood is in the cards for me.

August 8, 2010

#%#@!&*^%$##@!...and I meant that!

Geeeeeeez I can't express how much I miss my husband! I'm just down right grumpy at this point! It's only been a week since he left after his impromptu visit but Lord what am I going to do with myself?! The crazy thing is I've been pretty busy so it's not like I have a lot idle time.

Take this pass week for instance: Running, dinners with a friend, picked up my 3 yr old nephew on Wednesday for 3 days and we had long play dates every day, swimming, story time at Barnes & Noble, lunches, etc. I dropped him off Friday at 4:00pm and then I kept my infant godson over night. Breakfast at my friend's apartment Saturday morning and that afternoon my other girlfriend came over to spend the weekend. I had a belated birthday massage at a spa, dinner, movie, lots of girl-time and did 6.2 miles(1/2 running-1/2 walking) at the lake with my friend this morning. However, just a moment at the red light can send my mind adrift.

Oh and the nights are horrible, it takes me hours to go to sleep sometimes because my mind is just buzzing. I just don't know how couples do this long-term. I'm not sure how many more weeks will pass until I see him again but what I do know is my patience is running dangerously low. Being the supportive wife sucks ass sometimes! Ugh! I just want to see him and feel him. I just need to be held and cuddled. I miss his scent and his laughter. I just miss him period...

I have an even busier week/weekend this week but I know I'll still catch myself being "fussy" as my husband says. This is so much harder than I thought it would be.

Realization: NY/NJ project blows chunks!

August 2, 2010

Now that that's over!!

Last Friday was my last official day at my firm. I'm on-call till September 30th but I doubt they call me since I do not know the new software and if so it will not be much at all. So now I have more free time to work-out and get my new life in order. I have so much I want to accomplish (I'll fill you all in on that later)!

Hubby was here for a week unexpectedly but flew back to NY early yesterday morning. I miss him already but I'm hoping these next 2 months will fly by. I'm not sure when I'll see him again exactly. He has some deadlines to meet and is going to be extremely busy so going to NY this month is pretty much out of the question. I just don't want to be a distraction and since I'm a bit of a handful I think it's best to be a good wife and stay here. September is the month I'm DEFINITELY starting the IVF process and since I will have to be at the doctor so many times a week I know I will not be traveling. So I guess we are just playing it by ear as to when I will go there or if he can come home for a weekend. It was wonderful having him here though, just being together in our own space and enjoying the day to day.

Now as for my running/cross-training it was non-existent last month. I mean July truly SUCKED in the working out department!! I ran 3.10 miles for the ENTIRE MONTH!!!! Yep I just couldn't get my stuff together--motivation was no where to be found! However I'm back!!! I'm officially back in the gym today and whenever I can squeeze in a 2-a-day I'm going to do that as well!!! My plan is to do my normal 3.10 mile run but also at another point in the day I want to do a mile run for speed build-up and a little cross training. I know it sounds like a lot but it's really not. It takes me about 37 minutes to do 3.10 miles (40 minutes at the longest) and about 12 minutes to do one mile (hopefully quicker). Only about 20 minutes on cross training so even going 2 times a day I'm still barely in the gym a little over an hour! I will probably not do any official runs in August but I will in September I hope to get one or two in before I start the IVF process. I'm not sure if I'm suppose to run during that time or not but I will inquire.

Now off to the gym~

July 23, 2010

Hubby Coming Home for A Week!! Score!

Hubby comes home today for a week! Woo-hoo
He has to take care of some things at his facility here then high-tail it back to the East Coast. It's going to be great to see him so soon after my visit to NY and to be in our own space. I know he has missed home and the family so it will be good to get in some QT and just veg-out when he's not at the office.

Moving on....

I need some prayer guys! Lord my running this month has been non-existence. I have no excuse just lack of motivation. I've just been feeling BLAH and then when I went to NY I made it a point to take my work-out clothes and still NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGG! Ugh I feel horrible. I hope next week the freaking last week of July I can get in a few miles. It will still be a horrible monthly tally regardless if I run everyday! UGH

I definitely have to turn it around in August and I know I will b/c I leave my firm next Friday the 30th instead of 2 months from then. So I will have plenty of time to work-out and be active which is EXACTLY what I plan to do. I have a lot to think about as to what I'm going to be doing with my new found freedom. I'll still be on call since technically I'm a salaried employee till the end of the year but it will be very sporadic when I do come in.

So much is going through my mind--I want to join a running club and get back to creating my art and branch out a bit artistically. I'm very excited about that. I also want to do a boot-camp and some classes at a gym like spinning or aerobics. Oh and I'll get my nephew for a week or two this summer so he can run me bananas with swimming and the park, etc.

I'm just looking forward to not having to be somewhere at a certain time everyday. If I get bored I'll go back to Corporate America but I don't see that happening anytime soon...

July 19, 2010

Back from NY! Welcome Home Me!



I'm so glad to be back home! Departing was bitter-sweet due to the fact I was leaving and hubby was staying. As they say: "Parting is such sweet sorrow".


After my days of relaxing in NJ while hubby worked at night I was very excited to get back to the city for my final day out. We went to the Guggenheim, The MET, had lunch, did some shopping and had a peak at Central Park. The museums were exquisite! I can't wait to go back so I can see the MOMA, The Whitney and the Natural Museum of Science. I saw a lot while on my vacay but I still have so much to see on my next visit.

Must-sees when I return: Central Park (the full experience), Yankee Stadium, Harlem, Chinatown, Canal Street, Ground Zero, etc. Oh and I of course want to see another Broadway play. I hope "In the Heights" is still playing when I return. I heard it was wonderful.

Revelation: I didn't enjoy it at the time but I'm glad I did all the public transportation/walking it really made me feel so New York ya know. Just beating the pavement and figuring out my way (with the hubs of course). That is just not the culture here in Texas b/c everyone has a car and everyone drives. So learning to be on someone else's time (cabbies) and the train schedules, etc. I'm not a patient person so I had to learn to go with the flow. I think I learned by my last day! lol

Our final day in NY was great! Just being with my husband, walking, talking and holding hands was indulgent. Funny how all the little things are so vivid when you know it's coming to an end.

I'm looking forward to my return this fall. I plan to go back in October after I've stopped working so I'm not on time constraints. Tommy is coming home in August for a few days and maybe for a weekend in September. His company worked out a plan for everyone to alternate going home for a few days so that was nice. He misses home already too so I know he is happy to come back even if only for a few days.

I had a wonderful trip-it was great to see my husband and NY is a entirely new culture for a Texan but I could love it :-)



July 13, 2010

More New York Pictures

TIMES SQUARE #1


VIEW OF STATUE OF LIBERTY FROM THE DINNER CRUISE~


GORGEOUS CHURCH IN NY~



BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY CARD FROM MY HONEY~



MORE TIMES SQUARE




July 12, 2010

New York so far....





I arrived last Thursday at 6:00pm. My flights were good (even though I do not like to fly- AT ALL). Seeing my husband was wonderful just to be able to touch him and have him hold me made those flights worth while!

Thursday- we made it to the hotel around 8:15 due to all the traffic. I showered, we ordered dinner in and didn't leave the room. (INSERT LOTSSSSSSSSS OF DIRTY MUSIC HERE- BOM CHICKA WON WON)!! LOL


Friday- was my actual birthday and once my hubby woke up he pulled a beautiful card from the bedside table and a beautifully wrapped gift ( a blouse for dinner that evening). We went into Hoboken (a boro of NJ) via train to have lunch at the Brass Rail. The food was wonderful! Then we walked around the town a little bit and to the park. Hoboken is a very cute little area- urban and quaint with plenty of boutiques and restaurants. Once we left there we hit the train station to head into the city for the day. New York is beautiful and veryyyyyyy busy in every way!! We took in the sights, went into a lot of shops and I did some shopping (duh of course)!!! Later that evening hubby surprised me with a dinner cruise that also took us to view the Statue of Liberty. She was beautiful up-close and shining by the moon lite, it was very romantic. A lovely ending to a lovely day.






Saturday- We slept in late, ate in, napped, watched movies and just enjoyed some quiet time. Due to the train into the city and the time gaps we had to leave around 5:00 to start into town for a 6:15 dinner reservation at Haru. Dinner was absolutely AMAZING!!!!!!! We were both in heaven! Dinner was very romantic a perfect prelude to the theater. We walked to the theater after dinner which was right around the corner, it was a very quaint theater smaller than what we expected but still lovely. It made me think of all the people that sat in those seats before me all those years. The play "Memphis" was absolutely amazingggggggggggggggggg!!! I had tears by the end of the first act. It was so touching and just fabulous in every way! I would totally recommend it. After the theater we hit Time Square and then popped into a bar for drinks. Time Square was crazy!!! So many people and so much going on-it was a cool experience.

Sunday- We went to Brooklyn to meet up with a girlfriend, her hubby and their gorgeous 5-month old twin boys! We had a very good time with them. We went to the Brooklyn zoo which was very interactive and quaint...very greeeen! Then we went to a Jamaican restaurant called Sugarcane. It was a nice day out and seeing those twin boys was great. It really made me want twins. I know it's a lot of work but those little faces and just the joy on their faces (the parents) was so comforting. Comforting to know it's hard but to see it's so worth it.

Now it's Monday and this starts a few days of relaxing and NOT going into the city! Thank God! lol What I have learned so far is that I'm definitely a Southern Girl! All this catching trains, cabs and walking is cool for a New York minute (pun intended) but there are certain things that I require that just aren't native to these parts! IE: GRASS, MY OWN DANG CAR, UMMM PERSONAL SPACE, ETC! LOL I just found that I REALLY do not care for getting dolled up and then waiting out into the elements for transportation. Being a woman requires me to feel sexy when going out on the town with my husband. Not feeling totally gross from walking in the heat in 5-inch stilettos, a dress with full hair and make-up! Oh and my absolute fav -- walking into a hot subway station that reeks of urine! It's an experience to say the least. I'm aware that this extended travel was due to the fact that we were coming in from a suburb and the trains didn't run as often as we required. Needless to say I'm looking forward to not traveling for a few days! My husband works night starting tonight until Thursday. So I'm on my own and I have planned to sleep, work-out and read! Oh yea baby a lot of nothing which is what I need when on vacation b/c I like to return to my normal day to day feeling rested! Basically all and all NY is great to visit, NJ is cute for visiting as well but I definitely prefer Texas! However I'll go to any state/country with my husband for any reason. I love experiencing new things and going new places with him but there is definitely no place like home! (to be continued...)

July 7, 2010

I get to check TWO things off my "Diva List"!! Score!

Hair- CHECK
Nails- CHECK
Pedi-CHECK
Wax-CHECK


New York here I come! I'm soooooooooooo ready to go! Woot! My bags are already packed and in the SUV b/c after work today I have a cocktail hour with my firm then I'm off to my parents' to spend the night. I have to spend some QT with the fam and of course love on my freaking adorable nephew before I depart for 10 days! My brother is taking me to the airport at 9:45 in the morning and then I'll be in my husband's arms by that evening. Awwwwwwwwwwwww I can't wait!

Oh and my theater tickets came via FedEx today so I'm all set!! In the anticipation of seeing my husband I kind of forgot that I'm turning 33 on Friday! WTH! I mean I knew I had a b-day but I never actually thought about the getting a year older part! Smh-

Well I can say 32 has been a good year....I learned to run, starting taking my body back, had a surgery to further diagnose my fertility issues, met a new bestie and my brother came home!! All and all I've learned a lot this year. I still have the most perfect husband and my life in general (beside the infertility part) is pretty fabulous!

I can't wait to see what 33 holds! God is Good!

(Side-bar: I realized I get to check off going to NY and seeing a broadway play from my Diva list! Gosh I love checking things off!! Woot!)

July 6, 2010

Almost there!!!

I leave for NY on Thursday morning to see my love! Flight leaves at 11:45 and I'll make it there right before 6:30 (due to lay-over). I'm sooooooooooo excited to see my husband I literally do not know what to do with myself! He has always went on business trips but since we have been married they aren't over 3 or 4 days and they are like 4 times a year if that. Now when we were dating and he lived in Cleveland he traveled a lot but we'd still see each other often. I think the longest we were apart was like 2-3 weeks one time but that was over 4 yrs ago. So this is something new and it cracks me up b/c yesterday just made a full week! However, it seems like he's been gone a month! lol

So I'm looking forward to seeing him daily for 10 glorious days! It will be a great vacation just to be with him. He will be off for the weekend when I get there and then he goes back to working late nights so I will have a lot of free time to explore on my own. Definitely going to take this time to be adventurous! We normally do a big vacay every year and I guess by circumstance that NY will be that trip this year! So we are going to make the best of it!

I started packing yesterday and it is so hard to scale back! Trying not to take so many pairs of shoes and purses, etc.... Being a woman is hard work!

Today officially starts the beautifying process (i.e. nails, pedi, waxing). Tomorrow is hair. Awwwwwwww the joys of being a woman! ha ha

I suppose that saying about distance making the heart grow fonder is accurate b/c I miss everything about my husband even his snoring and talking to the TV :-)

2 more days till I see my love!!! I'm a HAPPY chick! Woot!!!

July 1, 2010

Updates!

I didn't get my 2nd official 5K in for the month (on the 26th) b/c the hubs and I partied too hard the night before with our friends! UGH! Don't know if I'll get in more than one official run for July either since I'll be out of town 2 weekends this month. Either way I'll still be running on my trusty treadmill. My run summary for May was 47.41 miles and June was 29.80 miles!! WTH! Almost an 18 miles difference in the wrong direction! SMH! I have to do better this month! UGH

Good News: I bought my ticket for NY!! Woot! I'll be there from the 8-17! I also purchased tickets for the Broadway show "Memphis". So that will be two things I can knock off my "Diva List" (aka bucket list)!!! I'm super stoked about that.

It's July 1st so I can finally officially say I'll start the IVF process next month!! How's that for a nail-biter! OMG!

HUB UPDATE: The hubs is doing fine is NY-just super duper busy and tired b/c he is working crazy hours and doesn't sleep well when not in his own environment. We talk numerous times a day so right now I'm doing pretty good. I had a rough day Monday and night...cried myself to sleep but I've been fine since then. I guess I just needed a moment to adjust. It's not like he doesn't go on business trips but I guess it's so different b/c I know he is not coming back anytime soon.

Heading to the mall today for new stilettos and something super sexy to take to NY!! Looking forward to my birthday/vacation!!! I need it!

June 28, 2010

With Love from TX- Take care of him NY

So this morning I dropped my husband off at the airport at 5:30am for a 7:00am flight. It was so hard to keep my emotions in check but I did pretty good until I drove away. I shed a few quiet tears as we embraced good-bye but driving away was a whole other story. Yep it was nothing pretty about that (shaking my head). Ow!

For 2 weeks people have been asking me "will I be OK" and "what am I going to do without him". I was like Really?????? It's not that big of a deal b/c I can visit, skype and we'll have contact daily, etc. It didn't hit me until Saturday when we started to pack. That's when the first tears fell and there has been waterworks every since. My husband and I are very close and even though I have lots of family and friends, I've come to realize that I really do depend a lot on Tommy. He is my eye-candy, my comic relief, my wrestling buddy, my best friend...he's so much to me and I'm so use to having him around. When I'm sad or just feeling clingy I go to my nook which is right between his neck and shoulder. It's my comfort zone or should I say He is my comfort zone. I thank God I will see him next week for my birthday/vacation. It's only day one (and not even a full day at that) and I miss him already.

We had a very busy last 4 days filled with friends and family. It was really beautiful to see how much support we have in our lives. We capped the festivities off with a final lunch for family and some really close friends yesterday. What I thought might be about 30 people (even though my evite only had 10 RSVPs) turned into a lunch for 50+!!! It was wonderful to witness everyone braving the heat to come out and support my husband. He was very moved by the out pour of love and blessings. After lunch we brought my nephew home with us so we could spend some time together- just us 3. We took him swimming (his favorite pass-time) and he spent the night. Sounds weird I'm sure that we'd spend our last night with a 3 yr old but my husband and nephew are very close-almost like father and son. So explaining to him that he would not physically see "his Buddha" for 3-4 months wasn't happening. His presence is just expected. My husband doesn't put anything in front of Keyshawn, it's a very precious bond. It is going to be really hard once he starts to realize that Buddha (Tommy) is not around. I'm going to let him talk to him via skype though and I hope that helps. Buddha is his comfort and everything that is right in the world. He is definitely his uncle's baby and they have never been apart more than a matter of days. It just hurts my heart b/c I know whenever he sees me he will expect to see Tommy :-(

I've had an over-whelming amount of calls, e-mails and texts just today from friends and family checking on me. It's very sweet. As I'm sitting here it's just so quiet--a different type of quiet though and to think this is only Day 1!!! God give me strength to endure this separation and enjoy the ride b/c after all this is a GREAT opportunity for my husband. I'm so proud of him and I want that to be the focal point of this journey not me so congratulations my love! Knock em dead!

June 24, 2010

ONLY 4 DAYS!!!

I'm finally off work starting my 4-day weekend ( I'm off Friday and Monday). I'm home trying to relax before my evening kicks off. I have had horrible allergies the past 3 days and they have threw me for a loop! Right below my nose is almost raw from blowing all day, my eyes itch and I look like crap! Not exactly what I was going for especially now!

My husband lives for his special project on Monday!!!! 4 more days until his one-way flight leaves Monday morning! Gasp!!! I just can't believe the time has passed so quickly. I'm beginning to freak a little...

We have a very full schedule from tonight until Sunday, packed with family and friends. Not to mention he hasn't even started packing yet, why you ask? B/c he's a man that's why!! Ow!

Tonight- we are doing Jazz Under the Stars at the museum with a picnic and friends
Friday- we have a temporary going away dinner at a restaurant with our friends
Saturday- our last 5K together is that morning, grocery/necessity shopping, lunch together and then evening out with friends who are moving to Cali
Sunday- we are having a big going away lunch with family ( I mean cousins, aunts, kids, uncles, etc) then spend our last evening at home alone. Sigh~

I'm so proud of him but I'm really going to miss him. Luckily I get to go to NY for my b-day the following weekend. I'll be leaving on the 8th or 9th and staying there for a few days. After that I'll see him in August for our IVF!!! Then September for our anniversary. We are planning to skype as well so we can see each other everyday. That reminds me I need to set-up an account for that! So much to do so little time.

June 22, 2010

What?! I know my faults and I'm OK with them!

1. I'm not a patient person! I want microwave results for everyyyyyyyyyything! Be it weight lose, becoming a mom, a millionaire, etc...

2. I'm a planner!!! I like to have everything laid out with bullet points, colored flags, post-its-- the whole nine! It's just how I roll.

3. I loathe waiting to do things at the last minute whether it's Dr. appts, planning an event, informing someone of plans, etc... It makes me physically sick b/c of the anxiety!

4. Don't tell me anything until your certain of the details b/c I will bug the sh*t out of you until I have reached sufficient information overload!

5. I put everything in my calendar along with 2-3 alerts b/c I hate missing something or being late! I think it is disrespectful and arrogant to be late and waste other people's time. I am very prompt- however my record has been permanently dinged b/c my husband is horrible with time management! I literally get so mad when he makes me late that I won't speak to him b/c I'm afraid what may leave my lips! UGH it seriously pisses me off beyond comprehension!

6. I get ANNOYED when something is dirty or has not been taken care of to my specifications-- Even if I'm the person that is suppose to do it. Then I get frustrated and have to complete the task immediately or the next person I see is going to get one or all of the following: stank eye, ignored, the dirty look or an ear full of drama!

7. I am totally aware that my husband can not and will not cook. Even though I have repeatedly told him how much I'd love to come home to a meal prepared by him. He cooked for me once on my birthday in 2008! That's it! He does bring home food when I don't want to cook but it is different than having a meal prepared and waiting for you. I'd even settle for take out plated and ready to devour upon my arrival. Why? Because I like to be pampered and waited on. I just do and I can't help it--I've tried to just accept that my husband is not a chef or a mind-reader but damn-it sometimes I just want what I freaking want!

8. I expect and love massages (and foot rubs) but HATE to give them!!! Yeah I said it! I hate giving massages but I LOVE to receive them. My husband only gives massages (or foot rubs) when he has pissed me off (eyebrow raised) then all of a sudden he is the Massage King of America. However if I simply ask for one he whines or just tells me "no" which I really HATE! I guess I will just write massages into our budget! Awwwwwww see I just solved one problem :-)

All these things I know are minute but I just had to get that out there b/c items 3 &4 had been breached today! lol I do understand that I can't have my way all the time, that I am a brat and that I can be selfish. However I accept responsibility for my short-comings and frankly I'M OK WITH THEM! (hair flipped and walking off)

June 21, 2010

Mixed Chicks Review & Updates


This is a little late especially being that I have been wearing my hair straight for like a week now. I received the Mixed Chicks products about a 2 weeks ago I guess and I used it for the first time like 2 days later. I bought the entire line which consisted of shampoo, deep conditioner, leave-in treatment and smoothing serum. The products had a good smell to them-kind of citrus like. The shampoo I notice seemed really good- because at one point while I rinsing the shampoo out of my hair I heard a "squeak"! Whoa I can't recall ever having squeaky clean hair before where I actually heard it! lol The deep conditioner was white and thick --you're supposed to apply it and then comb through it while your in the shower then rinse- which I did. Then I put on the leave-in treatment and then the directions said style as usual which for me means a little pomade and mousse. I didn't use the smoothing serum (mainly b/c I couldn't get the seal undone)! lol So I styled it as usual and I can't say that I saw a definite difference in my curl pattern. My hair did look nice though but that could have been b/c of the time I put into it. I can't complain much b/c I did get a few compliments on it. If the line actually had a curling serum or mousse I would have felt like it was really doing something but since I had to use my normal styling products after washing and conditioning with the Mixed Chicks line I'm just not sure. When I go back to my curly hair I will definitely use the smoothing serum and see if I notice a difference. I will continue to use the products but once I run out I think I will try something different with a line that actually includes styling products. All and all I give it about a B-

I had a pretty busy weekend- girl's nite on Friday at a great restaurant and then to a club for dancing. I haven't been out with the girls in a long time. I had a really great time! Saturday we celebrated June birthdays w/ my BFF's family. It was super fun and we were over there for like 7 or 8 hours! Sunday I went to Main Event with my brother, his GF, my nephew, hubby and little sister. We had a blast! Bowled, ate junk and played video games then back home by 6:00 to relax.

This weekend will be another busy one. We have plans from Thursday till Sunday since my hubby leaves for NY on Monday the 28th. So we are preparing for that- getting Dr. appts out of the way and packing, etc. I'm also planning my birthday trip to visit him on the weekend of the 9th. Oh and let me not forget that we also have our last 5K together on Saturday morning!

As for the IVF status-We are getting all his testing done that he needs before he leaves. He did his blood testing last week for all the diseases that they require and this week he has to give a new deposit for a semen analysis b/c they want one that is not over a year old. So we are making progress still shooting for August 17 (or whenever my cycle starts that month) start date!!!

Yep we have a lot going on in our little world and I'm tired but BLESSED!!

June 16, 2010

You Save Me- Kenny Chesney

Every now and then
I get a little lost
The strings all get tangled
The wires all get crossed
Every now and then
I’m right upon the edge
Danglin’ my toes out over the ledge
I just thank God you’re here

(Chorus)
['Cause] when I’m a bullet shot out of a gun
['Cause] when I’m a firecracker comin’ undone
When I’m a fugitive ready to run
All wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me

It’s hard lovin’ a man
That’s got a gypsy soul
I don’t know how you do it
I’m not sure how you know
The perfect thing to say
To save me from myself
You’re the angel that believes in me
Like nobody else
And I thank God you do

(Chorus)

Well I know I don’t tell you nearly enough
I couldn’t live one day without your love

When I’m a ship tossed around on the waves
Up on a high wire that’s ready to break
When I’ve had just about all I can take
Baby, you,
Baby you save me

(dedicated to my love: Tommy)

Weight lose, RunnING and ME!

It's Hump Day!! WOOT!!!! The week is moving and grooving. I love having Mondays off because it makes the week go by that much faster! I was able to get my butt out of bed this morning and run 3.10 miles. UGH! I love the feeling once I'm done though just to know it's out of the way, but getting there is a beating!!! I had a pretty good run this morning. I started nice and strong for the first 2 miles then backed off a bit to control my breathing for about 5 minutes or so then kicked it back up toward the end. I finished in just under 38 minutes. I'm still hoping to get down to around 35 minutes, but it just takes so much out of me. I'm getting better each time so I really can't complain. I'm excited for what next month holds to see how far I've come. At the beginning of May my average was 44-45 minutes for a 5K and now I'm right around 38-39 minutes!!!

I did my 3rd 5K in Texas City this past Saturday and it was my hardest run yet!! Crazy pavement (uneven roads, wood plank bridges, uphill and gravel) oh and let me not forget the wonderful wind pushing against me! LORD! My time was 43 something. We didn't have chips and it was super unorganized so that part was a bummer. My mother-in-law and nephew were there to cheer us on and they even ran in with me on the very last little bit. I was holding my 3 yr old nephew's hand while he was shuffling his little feet it was super cute.

My next run is in Dallas next Saturday the 26th for HIV Awareness Day I believe. That will be my last run with my husband for a while since he will be leaving for NY two days later. So from here on out it will just be me!! I guess it's not a big difference b/c we do not run together but just knowing I'll see him waiting for me when I cross the finish line is something I'm sure I'll miss :-(
Guess it's time for me to be a big girl! All and all I'm excited about that change I guess because I love relying on ME!!! That's why I work-out alone because I never want to rely on someone else's mood or energy level. This is my body and my health so I try to make it all about ME ME ME! GO ME!

I've lost about 26lbs so far and I'm pretty proud of that. I still need to lose like 40 more to get back to my normal weight. I do feel more energetic and confident though so I'm looking forward to reaching my goal which I hope to reach before August 17th when I get ready to start my IVF process. I want to be super healthy while I'm going through that and when I get PG!

I did a lot of damage to myself by ceasing to work-out and losing motivation because I NEVER had a weight problem. Then enter the last 2-3 yrs and I just went down hill. I had a lot of life changes but that is no excuse. Basically I fell in love, got married, decided I FINALLY wanted children, found out I had fertility problems then became lost. I started doing less and less, I think I actually went into a slight state of depression- then one day I looked in the mirror and just cried. I was looking at a different person, a unhealthy and unhappy person. My whole demeanor changed and I went from an outgoing life of the party type of chick to a I rather not leave the house in fear someone might see me type of chick. Then the day of reckoning came- my husband had a heart to heart with me on January 12th that rocked me to the core. I changed the very next day. I needed that--I needed to hear him out and see his pain. The pain of losing his wife. Our discussion wasn't about weight, it was about ME--how I changed, how I lost my confidence, my zest for life, my swagger. How I never wanted to go out with him anymore or meet new people. He opened my eyes and made me face reality. My husband was sitting in front of me with tears in eyes because it hurt him to see me stop living. He loved me more than I loved myself at that time. He saved me. My life has been FABULOUS since then! I started living again! Finding me, enjoying my blessings, conquering my fears (which was running) and it's wonderful. It's like a home-coming and I have missed me dearly! :-)

June 9, 2010

Holy MotherFather!!!

My mind is spinning right now and I mean full speed and on tilt! OMG!

So the hubs came home last night all normal--goes for his run, we eat dinner and then I say hey let's watch something on the DVR. He was like OK but I need to talk to you first. (eyebrow raised) I'm thinking "Awwwwwwwwww crap what is it"? He precedes to tell me he was asked to head up a major re-vamping of the NY/NJ facility. It's 3 months of crazy working, firing everyone and starting over. He can't really come home but I can go see him. WHAT!!!!?????? Three months without my husband! WTH! Gasp~

I was so nervous to even be on the receiving end of this information but it really is good news! For them to personally come after my husband to do this just speaks volumes. I know he is going to knock the ball out of the park b/c that's just how he rolls! He's BRILLIANT in his field and I'm so happy that he is being acknowledged to this level.

I have no idea where this will lead or if we will end up moving to NY but what I do know is that my husband is STOKED (about the opportunity not about moving)!!!! This is right up his alley and I couldn't be happier for him. I'm not ones of those wives that would ever stand in the way of their husband's success, hell I'm his biggest fan! I do know it will be hard for me even though I can visit him but I'm up to the challenge.

What's going to be interesting is trying to coordinate our IVF this summer!
He will have to fly in for at least one day for his part of the procedure! Our life is just forever changing for the better! We said 2010 would be a wonderful year and so far it has been. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.

LET'S GO TEAM HILL! WOOT!

June 7, 2010

CRR I BID ADIEU TO YOU!

I've been at my firm since I was 22 years old. I always LOVED it! It was a small firm and I felt apart of everything. I have two bosses one sweet and funny- she's like my 60 yr old BFF. The other I use to really respect and admire but not anymore. A lot has changed in 10 and 1/2 yrs but I never thought in a million years I'd feel the way I do now.

My boss "D" hired her lazy, un-employed, "sickly", loser of a son about 2 yrs ago and since then my job has been HELL! I do not work well with lazy people and I do not hold my tongue, needless to say sparks have been flying for a while now. On a personal level I get along fine with the DB of a son, but on a professional level I loathe him beyond words. My BFF boss "M" and I have told boss "D" repeatedly that her son does not take this job seriously. Basically that was the biggest waste of time ever. Regardless of his lack of productivity, knowledge of our industry, countless missed days, 5-7 smoke breaks a day-I mean hell I could go on and on. She still protects him like a mother bear would her cub. It's utterly ridiculous.

During this time I have witnessed the most un-ethical and appalling behavior ever and it gets under my skin to the point that it literally makes me sick. I half way didn't think I'd actually leave when BFF boss did but once all this nonsense started to transpire it really put things into prospective.

My husband and I planned on me being a SAHM once we started our family anyway so my leaving isn't a big stretch. I hope to get pregnant this summer with our first IVF and move on to the next chapter of my life. It's very scary though not knowing about my day to day. This firm was a HUGE part of my life and it saddens me to leave especially feeling this way but life is unpredictable. I thank God that I have a supportive husband that supports me emotionally and is able to support us financially. This is uncharted territory for me because I've never been un-employed in my adult life. If I don't enjoy being home or we do not get PG right away I can always go back to corporate America if I choose. Frankly, for right now I'm happy to be leaving. Happy to be having some ME time and not having to be somewhere everyday or deal with the drama that is CRR.

My BFF boss is retiring on September 30th and I am "retiring" on that date as well. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't make me weepy to close this chapter of my life but I've come to the realization that my morals, sanity and happiness is worth more than any salary they could ever pay me.

I'm looking forward to becoming a mom and owning my own time. I wish all my reporters the best and I will miss you all dearly. 115 days to go!

Dedicated to my Husband

Watching you watching me,
A fine way to fall asleep.
The neighbors fight,
As we both rest our eyes.

Hands in the fallen snow;
Numb to the winter cold,
But we don't mind,
'Cause we'll get warm inside.

You're the reason I come home.
You're the reason I come home, my love.
You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart...
Well, you're the reason I come home.

Paper doll silhouettes,
Fingertips on window glass;
The street's asleep,
So I breathe you in deep.

The tragedies of chemistry,
People dream of what you and me
Have found...
Effortlessly.

You're the reason I come home.
You're the reason I come home, my love.
You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart...
Well, you're the reason I come home.

And for a long time, I remember,
Saying prayers for something perfect,
Saying prayers for someone kind.
It's in my head,
We're spinning circles down the avenues instead.

You're the reason I come home.
You're the reason I come home, my love.
You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart...
Well, you're the reason I come home

(You're the Reason I Come Home by Ron Pope)


NO MATTER WHAT DISMAY THE DAY BRINGS YOU ALWAYS MAKE IT BETTER MY LOVE.
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS TOMMY...

June 4, 2010

I'am RunnING!!! (in my Forrest Gump voice)

I just signed up for my June runs. My goal is to do about 2 a month and then I'm a hoping to be able to do a 10K by fall. I have no desire to even attempt that extra 3.10 miles in the summer heat! Umm No! I'm sticking with 5Ks for a while!!!

June 12th- Run by the Bay (Houston Area while visiting in-laws)
June 26th- Run for HIV Awareness in Dallas


I'm hoping to shave more time off my previous runs! Lord give me strength because I do not want to backslide.

When I ran yesterday my shins were killing me and I was like WTH I have no time for any type of body drama! I'm barely hanging on as it is! Even though I have a while before I have a killer running time, I can say running is really helping me shed these extra "Love Pounds" courtesy of having a sinfully happy marriage! I was muuuuuuuuuuch hotter when I was a player! lol So for that fun fact alone I'm staying motivated.

July and August runs are going to be the death of me I'm sure! I'm already checking out what's on the horizon! I have to keep reminding myself to slow down! One mountain at a time tiger!

Run On! Woot!

June 3, 2010

Mixed Chicks???

Ow the complicated hair story that is all mine! I have an interesting texture of hair. It's naturally wavy/curly and that is how I wear it majority of the time. Especially in the summer because I swim a lot. When I want a change or have special plans I normally get it straighted via flat iron by my stylist. Everyone just assumes I have a relaxer because all black women have relaxers, right? Ummm Wronggg!

I have pretty long hair by any standards but definitely by AA standards. It's down my back---well past my bra line and thick. With the length alone it absorbs a lot of product so you can only imagine what the thickness does to it! Ow! Sometimes it will curl perfectly fine in lovely ringlets and others it will be half curly and half wavy! %#@&#@!$!!! So I'm just trying to find a common ground here ladies! Blah~

I'm both blessed and cursed with hair versatility but sometimes finding the right product for my hair can be a BEAT DOWN! I've always used tons of different products because my hair tends to get use to a product quickly and then choose not to respond! SMH

How I ended up with moody hair I have no clue! I'd been talking with a friend of mine who recently decided to go "natural" and she was hipping me to all these different products. Carol's Daughter and Miss Jessie's were two that I recall so I read up on them and looked at the reviews, etc. Both had pretty mixed reviews. Miss Jessie's is pretty pricey and Carol's Daughter just seemed so so. In doing my research I found a product called "Mixed Chicks". I went on the site and they seem to have a pretty good product with good ingredients so I bought it. It was reasonably priced, about $50 for the entire line (shampoo, conditioner, styling serum and de-frizzer). I'm anticipating the delivery and I really hope it works.

Here is the site for anyone that is interested and I will let you all know if it works for me or not. Wish me luck!

http://www.mixedchicks.net/

June 2, 2010

Misty Blue

It's just how I'm feeling at this very moment. Funny though I absolutely adore this song...even when I'm beaming with happiness. However, it is still oh so fitting when I'm having moments like these. I'm coming to a cross-roads in my career and my life in general and it is simply frightening. I truly just don't know how to feel sometimes but for now I'm feeling blue~

Misty Blue by Gladys Knight

Oh, Its, been such a long long time
Looks like I got you off of my mind
But I can't, just the thought of you
Turns my whole world misty blue

Oh honey, just the mention of your name
Turns a flicker to a flame
Listen to me good baby
I think of the things we used to do
And my whole world turns misty blue

Ohhhh, baby I should forget you
Heaven knows I've tried
Baby, when I said that I'm glad we're through
Deep in my heart I know I've lied, I've lied, I've lied

Oh, Its, been such a long long time
Looks like I got you off of my mind
But I can't, just the thought of you
Turns my whole world misty blue

Ohhhhhhh, no I can't no I can't
I can't forget you
My whole world turns misty blue

Ohhhh My love
My whole world turns misty blue

Baby I should forget you
My whole world turns misty blue

Ohhhh My love
My whole world turns misty blue

Baby, baby I should forget you
Misty blue

May 31, 2010

Memorial Day 5K Complete!




This morning I completed my second 5K and it was a REAL 5K! Streets were closed and there were a lot of runners- REAL RUNNERS! I'd say at least about 2000 participants or so. It was the "American Heroes" run at the Ballpark in Arlington. Camera crews were there, about 5 branches of the military and we even had an Apache Fighter Helicopter fly-over and landing. It was great!

The course was much harder and the sun was out and gleaming. It was beautiful though. When I turned the first curve I saw a sea of people in front of me running and I thought wow this is really beautiful. I should have started doing this years ago! I felt wonderful and accomplished. I'm finally doing something I always wanted to do, something that use to intimidate me. I kept a pretty good pace through-out the race and I sprinted all the hills which really helped my time.

When I made it around the last bend I had one more hill to the finish line. I was getting mentally prepared to sprint in like 45 seconds and all of a sudden I see my husband coming back for me again. He ran beside me clapping and saying words of encouragement I'm sure but I had my iPod on and couldn't hear him. Once I saw the final hill I took off in a sprint. I could see the finish line before me and I saw the clock. I ran quickly but lost a bit of steam right before the finish line but I pushed it a little more. I finished in 38.56 minutes, my fastest official group run time (last one was 42.43)!!! I still have a looooooooooot of work to do but for my second run (and much more challenging of a course) I think I did pretty good.

On to the next one! Woot!

May 27, 2010

Why can't I be a Naturally Skinny B*tch??!!

So I didn't work-out in the gym at all last week since it was my brother's first week home. I did walk around downtown on Tuesday (that counts as working out right? lol) and we went swimming on Friday.

However no running took place besides doing my first official 5K Saturday morning! So this week I'm back to my schedule trying to run as much as possible. I'm also doing some cross-training (arms, legs, back). I'm feeling pretty good overall.

I tried to increase my pace on Tuesday (first day back) and that bit me in the azz! I was unable to complete the 5K, I was just too drained so I stopped at 1.64 miles. SMH! On Wednesday I was determined to redeem myself so I hit it hardcore, not only was I determined to do the entire 5K at a good pace I was also determined to finish in under 40 minutes. Lord! When I say by the skin of my azz that's exactly what I mean! I finished in 39 minutes and 57 seconds! I was watching the time and pushing myself to beat the 40 minute mark. I did a lot of speed increasing in order to make it. It was so hard I thought I was going to vomit but I felt like a million bucks when I finished. Of course my hubs had came down to the gym and jumped on the treadmill next to me like 5 minutes before I finished. So he was there to share in my triumphant moment. It's funny because we are barely ever in the gym at the same time due to our schedules but he is always there when I need him.

He gave me a fist bump and told me how proud he was of me. He's such a cheerleader! ha ha I love him so much he is definitely the president of my fan club.

Today I did an am work-out because I have nails, pedi and eyebrows after work today. I did 2.16 miles on the treadmill (I wasn't going for 3.10 b/c I wanted to cross train). I finished my work-out with arms, legs and back so it was a very good workout. I have to do it all again tomorrow morning because I have afternoon plans with the hubs and a friend from BBC.

Saturday will conclude the am work-outs my last day of running before my Memorial Day 5K run at the ballpark. Hoping to come in under 40 minutes this time trying to beat last week's 5K time which was 42.43 minutes. Wish me luck!

May 24, 2010

IVF Consultation

Really!? Seriously?!

I-----------------V------------------F!!! UGH!

So today was the appointment I'd been looking forward to and dreading at the same time. Hmmmmmm to say I'm over-whelmed would be an understatement. I mean really! My doc explained everything in detail with pictures, graphs the whole nine yards but damn! I left with a "what the hell" am I doing bubble in my head. It's just so much! So much emotionally, mentally, physically and FINANCIALLY! I mean I know people pay upwards from 15,000-25,000 for an IVF and my little 10,000 is not much but it kinda is! UGH!

We have to do all new tests; blood test, SA, Pap-

Protocol is as follows:
Birth control
Trial Transfer
Lupron
Baseline Sonogram
Gonal F and Menopur
Sono
Sono
Sono
Sono
Sono
HCG shot
Egg retrieval + mix with sperm for 5 days
Egg Transfer
Blood test to see if PG
Oh did I forget to mention pay 10,000 first! SMH!

The process is like 6 weeks long and I think I see my doc like 20 times during that period! WTH!

I'm just having a dramatic moment right now I guess but geez I just want to have a baby naturally not pay to get pregnant! It pains me to know I may pay all this money and stress myself to death and it still is not 100% guaranteed! I just don't know if I'm strong enough for this.

I have to do this though and at least I'll know that I tried my best to start a family. I just pray for strength and sanity while I'm going through this. God will never put more on me than I can handle. Sigh~

May 23, 2010

Back to Reality...

Ugh back to work tomorrow. SMH~

My week off was very eventful. My nephew and I picked up my brother on Monday at about 9:30am. It's very good to have him home. A bit over-whelming at first because we had so much to do to get him adjusted.

Monday- lunch, necessity shopping, hair-cut, clothes and shoes shopping. Not to mention I live in downtown Dallas and my parent's house is like 40 minutes away. So I had lots of driving this week.
Tuesday- we went to the courthouse, the driver's license office, got him a new cell phone, went and visited with one of his friends and just running errands in general then I had to take him back to my parents.
Wednesday- was my day of rest while he ran errands with our cousin. I stayed home all day and slept. Literally did not leave the house, I was physically and mentally exhausted.
Thursday-picked up my brother and nephew and we went to the eye doctor, more shopping, visit a friend, visit family members. My husband took him out that night to a jazz club where some of the family were and I stayed home with my nephew. They stayed over-night this time.
Friday-we had friends over and took my nephew swimming and had lunch at the pool-the sun alone was draining! Then later that evening back to my parents' house where we all stayed the night.
Saturday-was my first 5K and then back home where me and hubby napped. Later that evening we went to dinner and to a movie just the two of us.
Sunday-I'm home alone and enjoying my last day of rest before I go back to the office.

Overall everything went well- lots of driving, lots of shopping and lots of family time. I'm very happy that we were able to help as much as we did because starting from square one with wardrobe, shoes, etc is very daunting! My brother is adjusting well- he's great with his son-very loving and very attentive. My nephew's favorite new word is "daddy" and seeing them together is worth all the work we are putting in. This is still very early on but I think he will be OK :-)

In the upcoming weeks we need to figure out his job situation and transportation. My husband and I are going to help as much as possible without over-extending ourselves because we are still getting ready for IVF in the next few months.

Life is a non-stop ride for us right now and frankly I'm just holding on for dear life! Ow!