June 30, 2012

We are PREGNANT!!!!

It's official!!! The blood test confirmed that we are pregnant! I went in this morning at 8:30 for my blood test and ran errands with my hubby to keep busy till they called us.

My HCG level was 120. They said anything over a 5 is pregnant. We are hoping for healthy and happy twins! I'd love a boy and a girl however whatever God gives us we'll take!!! Either way it's a blessing!

Truth Moment: I have a confession, I cheated. I took a home pregnancy test Monday evening and it was negative. I was only 4dpt (dpt= days past transfer). At that point the embryos were 9 days old, remember by the date of our transfer they were already 5 days old. I didn't panic b/c I figured it was too early plus I didn't use my fmu (first morning urine, which is said to be the most potent). So I waited till Wednesday morning when I was 6dpt (embryos were 11 days old) to test again and it was a very faint positive but the second line was still visible! I wailed up with tears and ran in there to wake up my husband. I was holding the test in my hand and I said "It's possssssssssssssitiveeeee" through a lot of tears.

He jumped up, focused his eyes and put it under the light and he said "I knew it"!!!!! We hugged and I cried and cried. I just kept looking at it like OMG NEVER in my life have I had a positive pregnancy test!!! I took another test Friday morning (8dpt- w/ 13day old embryos) w/ my fmu and again it was positive but the line was much darker.

I still NEEDED to hear it from my doctor just to make sure it was totally real !!! We received the call at 11:14am it was confirmed!!! WE WERE PREGNANT!!! We called our parents first and they both just sobbed!!

I go back to the dr on Monday morning to make sure the levels have increased. Once that is confirmed we will wait for our first sono which will be about a month out! So we are OVER THE MOON EXCITED, BLESSED AND HAPPY!!!

I know my mom is in heaven dancing around with joy.....

June 27, 2012

Frugal Find!!!!

Anyone who knows me knows I'm obessed with all things decor!!!! My honey and I are in our first home and it's 70% decorated, however when I had to get my nephew's room together I ceased all work on my master plus a few odds and ends in the living room, guest room, etc.  Anyway I've been needing wanting an end table forever beside my couch! I've been stalking these accordian tables that are really hot right now but they are also timeless. I've found them for ridiculous prices ie: $1200, $800, and one rendition was a whopping $1500!!! Umm WTH!

I finally stumbled upon a lovely rendition for $74! Yes $74!!!! I bought 2 and I'm anxiously waiting for them to be delivered to me next week! I'm SO excited!!! Finally a place to put my glass when I'm lounging on my chaise! SCORE!!!

Now here's the test! Can you tell which one is the $600 high-end table and which is the $74 frugal find???? Inquiring minds would like to know!!!


Thought I'd do a quick check-in to let you guys know where I' am and what I'm feeling so far....

where I' am: Still waiting...my blood test is still on Saturday at 8:30am.

what I'm feeling: I've been feeling really nauseous in the mornings normally after I take my am meds even though I take them with food. My breasts have been EXTREMELY sore/sensitive. So bad to where it hurts to wear a bra at all! I literally drove to work yesterday with my bra flipped over my breasts so they were just free falling on my way to work! lol  It's utterly ridiculous! However, I'm not sure if it's b/c I may be pregnant or if it's just all the hormones/meds I'm taking. 

I feel out of sorts a bit....like when I get home from work all I want to do is lie down! Now that could be b/c it's 106 freaking degrees out! Who knows right! I'm SUPER moody, and I mean SUPER MOODY!!! I'm surprised my hubby hasn't moved out yet. I'm apologizing to him everyday for something. Either for being snappy, bitchy or unaffectionate. I just really don't want to be touched right now. Luckily I'm married to the most amazing man and he's aware that I'm on meds and my hormones are unbalanced! Even though I've decreased from 15 meds daily to 6 I'm still liable to become batshitcrazy in 0.2 seconds without warning. Sigh....Bless his little heart.

Also, I've yet to cook or clean since last week. My wonderful husband has been doing that and I've been letting him! Three more days till I found out if I'M WITH CHILD (said in my southern accent lol).  So excited!

June 23, 2012

......and so only ONE remains

Received a call from my embroyologist this morning and it appears that the embryo they froze on Thursday is the only one that survived. The remaining 4 just stopped growing.

Gosh, that just threw me for a loop. My eyes immediately filled up with tears. I just went to the bathroom and cried. I never wanted to need the other remaining embryos but it was nice to think they'd be there if I did. If God-forbid this first time didn't work.

Now whether this works or not we only have ONE more chance with ONE more embryo. It's just heart-breaking to have went through all of this and then watch your chances become smaller and smaller. From 17 harvested eggs to 3 viable embryos. Wow.....

I'm sure it's just the fear talking. I know the two embryos I have inside me now, the ones my embryologist said were A++ are going to make it. One more week till we find out for sure. Unceasing prayer.

June 22, 2012

Our transfer went well!

Ok so everything went well yesterday. It was a quick procedure. The embryologist came in and showed us pictures of our little embryos that were going to be transferred. They showed us the lumping and dark spots which they said were A+ because it meant the babies were already forming.

We spoke to our nurse and the doctor came in and explained exactly what they'd be doing. I changed into my gown and hopped in the chair. First he cleaned out some of the Crinone which is my progesterone vaginal gel that I take nightly. 

My doctor did a quick test run similiar to my trial transfer. Then they inserted a tube similiar to a catherer and another slender tube inside of it with the embryos and "shot" them out. The embryologist took the tube back to the lab (which was right in the nxt room).  She looked under the microscope again to make sure the embryos got out ok. That was verified and my doctor put in a progesterone pill vaginally then I was tilted on an incline for 30 minutes.

They came and got us and I was wheeled out and I've been home since 4:30 yesterday. I've been relaxing and taking it easy. No lifting, cleaning, exercising, cooking or anything. My doctor said I could catch a movie tomorrow but just continue to take it easy. I'm working from home today and will return to the office on Monday. My blood test is set for next Saturday morning at 8:30!!! If positive we'll have another test on that following Monday and if it's still positive we'll have a sono in 4 weeks.

As far as the other embryos, one stopped growing, one was ready to freeze yesterday. The other 4 are going to grow till day 7 and if they make it they will be frozen as well.  We are praying and being positive!!

Thank you all for the texts, emails and calls!!!

June 21, 2012

Today's the BIG DAY!!!!!!!!

I can not believe this day is truly and finally here!!!!  I wish I could say I feel great but actually I'm a nauseous, moody, achy mess! It's all worth it though! From my close friends who know what today is, I've received lots of good luck texts starting at 6am this morning and I really thank you guys! Not sure how I'll be feeling after the transfer but if I'm OK I'll blog this evening, if not maybe tomorrow since I'll be working from home and taking it easy.

It's hard to believe that this afternoon I'll "technically" be pregnant with two babies! Praying to God they stick and grow as they should!! So excited and feeling so blessed to have even gotten this far! God is Awesome!

June 20, 2012

Pics- Misc. Snaps during IVF Protocol

All this is left over saline! Can you believe that! When you get your Bravelle or Menopur injectables 5 are the actual meds and 5 are saline for mixing. We only used 1ml of saline per injectable so you end up having tons of saline left over. We donated all of our left over Saline, Needles and Q-caps to our nurse because she teaches a very thorough injectable class.

Oh and this lovely pic is me icing myself after one of my many shots! Yeah, good times!

Pics- New Med Protocol after Retrieval

Morning Dosage:
Prenatals, Iron, Blood Pressure Med, 2 Medrol, Antibotic, Progesterone Pill, Baby Aspirin

Evening Dosage:
2 Medrol, Antibotic, Progesterone Pill, and Crinone 

All the meds for after the retrieval in their packages
(the only one I haven't taken yet is the Vivelle Patches (purple box) which I take after the embryo transfer)

All the meds for after the retrieval in their packages
(the only one I haven't taken yet is the Vivelle Patches (purple box) which I take after the embryo transfer)

Pics from Egg Retrieval Day

Cross that my nephew made at church. He gave it to me and said it would make me happy.
 I wore it to my egg transfer~

We normally take "vacation toes" when we are on vacation.
However I decided to take "egg transfer" feet in honor of our special day! ha ha

My husband was totally knocked out while waiting for the nurse to tell us it was show-time.
It was 6:30am on a Saturday but we got up at 5:00am on only 4 hours of sleep b/c we were so anxious.

June 19, 2012

What a Sigh of Relief!

OMG!!!!! The embryologist just called and all 8 of our embryos are still thriving!
I saw the office number on my phone and my stomach just dropped! She started talking and I could literally feel myself bracing for the news. I was not sure if only 2 or 3 survived or worse none. I was just thinking OMG we can not afford to do another fresh cycle. This is it, our dream hangs in the balance.
Oh but when she said all 8 of your embryos are doing great my heart just filled up! I wanted to yell, scream and cry! I'm so excited!

My transfer is still scheduled for Thursday at 2:45 and if all remains great, we will have 6 to freeze which will give us three more chances if we need it! I can not believe that technically on Thursday afternoon I'll be pregnant with twins! I just hope these little guys grab on and get snug as a bug in a rug!

So what do you do when you are so thrilled you don't know what to do? You go into the ladies room and cry :)

June 17, 2012

Thriving Embryos and Transfer Date

My embryologist called this morning and out of the 17 eggs they retrieved, 12 matured and only 8 fertilized. They will call me Tuesday to let me know how they are doing and if all 8 are still growing. I hope the Mighty 8 stay strong because that will give me at least three more tries if the first one doesn't work. My doctor only puts in two at a time so I'll have 4 chances total if they all survive. You know it was kinda funny but when the embryologist told me I only had 8 that were still going strong, I cried. I don't know if I cried because I felt like I lost 9 babies or if I'm just hormonal. I just felt afraid like everytime she calls I may have lost another one or two. This journey has been so hard and so long that the thought of it not working scares me more and more each passing day. I'm not consumed by the fear b/c I know I must trust God and my husband says "we either have faith or we have doubt, but we can't have both". However, I'm human and the thoughts do arise from time to time. My embryo transfer is set for 2:45pm on Thursday. So I will work half a day, have my surgery and work home from Friday and stay in all weekend. They want you to be pretty unactive so another weekend in the house for me! Which mean more movies! I should get my blood work to tell us if we are pregnant around July 5th which is right before my 35th birthday! What a wonderful present that will be!

So uncomfortable!

Oh my goodness! Last night was brutal! My lower abdomen is extremely crampy coupled with sharp pains. I was up and down all night! I think I took 4 Bayer 500 mg yesterday, another dosage of Bayer at around 2am. This morning I ate and pulled out the Hydrocodone! I needed it badly! I probably have about 60 pills of Hydrocodone b/c I normally do not take them so that tells you just how uncomfortable I was! I'm hoping it will die down as the day progresses b/c I NEED to go to work tomorrow! Especially because I will be out at some point this week to have my embryo transfer. I literally took almost 10 pills this morning!!! Hydrocodone, blood pressure med, iron, antibotic, medrol, progesterone, prenatal and I still need to take my crinone today! Gosh I feel like some druggie! I just have to remember I'm doing this all for my baby or bab(ies)! ha ha I'm still awaiting the call from the embryologist!!! I'm very anxious for my phone to ring!!! I hope they all fertilized because I need as many on reserve as possible just incase our first fresh cycle doesn't work. So come onnnnnnnnn embryos and make me proud!

June 16, 2012

Retrieval Surgery Done!

Well my alarm went off at 5:15 this morning! Yes 5:15! I guess my husband and I were both so anxious b/c neither of us fell asleep till after 1:00am! I followed all my instructions and checked my "check list" before we headed to my doctor's office. The retrieval was performed there on the other side of the fertility clinic. I had no clue that office was so big. It takes up the entire second floor. We went over everything with my nurse and then my doctor came in for any last minute questions/concerns/etc. I also met the anesthesiologist and went over a few things with him. The procedure only took about 20 minutes according to my husband and then I went to recovery for a little bit. I felt pretty good besides slight tinges of discomfort in my lower abdomen. They retrieved 17 mature eggs and the embryologist will call us mid morning tomorrow to let us know how many fertilized. We will get an update every other day until it's time for the embroyo transfer. Which realistically could be between Tuesday and Thursday of next week! I started my progesterone today which are in the form of pills and not injectables! Thank God! It's odd b/c I take one "vaginally" in the mornings and one "orally" at night. My doctor says it can make you really nauseous when taken orally that's why I only do oral at night. However today both doses will be vaginally. I received one after retrieval and the other one we'll do tonight. Then tomorrow starts the alternating. We came home and I immediately took a long nap with my husband. I'll basically be taking it easy the rest of the weekend and then back to work on Monday. Depending on when the transfer is I'll just work from home remainder of the week so I can take it easy. Tomorrow- I'll start the Crinone (vaginal progesterone gel insert) and the Medrol which I'll take orally for 7 days twice a day. Oh and also baby aspirin once a day. I can't believe we are at this point!! It's just surreal how far we've come! I'll let everyone know updates as I receive them. Thank you all for the prayers!

June 14, 2012

Final Shots Taken! Egg Retrieval Next!

Yes Yes Yes!!!! My numbers for today are 3788!!!! My sono this afternoon was great! Lots of follicles on both sides with very nice sizes! I just took my last Lupron shot and my HCG trigger shot of Ovidrel!!! I also just started my anitbotic which is called Doxycycline. No more shots for me!!! No more stim meds!!! I'm so happy about that!!! Later I'm going to tally up all my shots and I'm sure it will be over 30-40 with no problem!! That's amazing for anyone but especially someone who LOATHES shots!! My egg retrieval is set for 6:30AM on Saturday the 16th!!!!! Then I'll be home resting this weekend. Depending on the growth rate of our embryos the transfer should be between Tuesday and Thursday of next week. This has been a 4 year journey. On April 12, 2008 I took my last birth control pill and voiced that I was ready to start trying! We tried for a year and then went to a fertility specialist where we found out about the infertility issues. Now here we are 4 years later and in two-three weeks we could find out we are pregnant! I'm SO exciting! So emotional, so tired, so hormonal, so ready to reach the finish line!! Hopefully when we cross it our baby or babies will be on the other side!

June 13, 2012

My Egg retrieval is set for Saturday!

My doctor appointment went very well this afternoon. I had my blood drawn that morning and got my numbers when I went back in at 4:00pm. My numbers rose from 1500 on Monday to 2978 today! I just can not get over these numbers! I guess that's why my doctor was not at all worried. My egg retrieval is set for this Saturday the 16th. I'm not sure of the time yet. I'll get all that info tomorrow when I go back in for am blood work and my last afternoon sono. I'm SO over going to the doctor twice a day I can not tell you! My doctor and his staff are great and all but it's time to miss each other for a while! Ha Ha Oh tomorrow I'll also get the exact time to do my trigger shot (ovidrel) which is suppose to be done 36 hours before the retrieval. That is the shot that makes sure the follicles burst to release the eggs. As for tonight I had a shot of 1 Bravelle and 5 ml Lupron. In the morning I take a shot of 1 Menopur only. I think that will be my last stim shot!!! I'm SO excited about that! Well I'll have more news to fill you guys in on tomorrow afternoon! Stay tuned!!

June 12, 2012

Trusting in HIM.

Wow. One area of my life seems to be picking up but then I get a bit of news from my husband today that may change our lives drastically. I'm not sure if it's for the best or if we are about to go through a major storm. A bigger storm than ever. However, I choose not to worry. When I was racking my brain about the ivf procedure, the E2 numbers, will it work, etc. My husband said either you are going to trust in God or you are going to worry, but you can't do both. So I chose to trust and I haven't been stressing about the IVF and all that comes with it. I'm just ready. I must do the same with this issue. I know that God must have something wonderful in store for us. I trust in HIM and I trust my husband when he says do not worry. So I won't- Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Thanks Kym S.)

June 11, 2012


I went to the doctor this morning to get my blood drawn before work. I asked my nurse what were Saturday's numbers b/c when I called the office no one answered. She told me the numbers were at 343! What.The.Hell. I'm taking 2 shots a day which equal (4 Bravelle, 2 Menopur and 5 ml Lurpon) with all those meds in my system I just don't understand why the numbers wouldn't be higher. Nevertheless I'm not going to spaze out or anything. I was a bit highly disappointed in the numbers but my Dr. said he looks at the sizes and quanity just as much as the E2 #s. So I went back to the Dr. at 4:45 for my sono (again I go twice b/c my Dr is in Arlington in the am and my husband and I just prefer to come back to see him instead of seeing one of the other doctors). I had my sono and this time my doctor had no problem seeing the follicles on the left side! The past three times they were not visible but he was confident that they were there! Well not only were they visible but there were more on that side than the other! SCOREEEEEEE! So in total I had about 15 follicles on both sides total! All were pretty good in size too. My Dr. wants a group (at least 3-4)to average 18 for the size. I have a 20 (yay!), 10s, lots of 16s, a few 15s etc. So he was very pleased and said we would move forward but the transfer could be Friday or Saturday now but it would be this week! We are not at risk of canceling the cycle at all! I then asked about my E2 (estrogen) results from this morning and he checked the chart and said they were at 1500!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTH!!!! Yes! 1500!!!! I went from 343 on Saturday to 1500 by Monday morning!!! Are you freaking kidding me!!!!!! My husband tried to High 5 me but I made him wait b/c I wanted my Dr. to repeat the number just to make sure that I heard it correctly!!! Yes Yes Yes I heard it correctly, 1500 people!!!! I was so OVER-THE-MOON thrilled I could have cried! My Dr. also decreased my medicine: Tonight I take 2 Bravelle, 5ml Lupron (NO Menopur) Tuesday- AM/2 Bravelle, 1 Menopur & PM/2 Bravelle, 5ml Lupron (NO Menopur) Wednesday AM 2 Bravelle, NO Menopur (not sure about the nightly dosage yet) I'll find out at my Wednesday afternoon appointment what my Wednesday Night dosage will be and if I'll continue taking meds at all. I will also learn my exact egg transfer date! We are excited!!!!! Oh Thank God! God is so Awesome!

June 9, 2012

Saturday Morning Appointment

I had an 8:30 appointment this morning for more bloodwork and another sono. Not sure of my estrogen numbers for today but I'll ask Monday. I had about 8-9 good size follicles in my right ovary and maybe 1-2 that he could see in my left. He is still having a hard time seeing the follicles on that side for some reason. However, he is confident that there is a nice amount in there. Maybe by my Wednesday's appointment he'll be able to see them. My meds will remain split doses until Wednesday which should be my last injection day. I'll be taking 2 Bravelle and 1 Menopur in the morning and 2 Bravelle, 1 Menopur and 5ml Lupron in the evening. I have enough meds until Wednesday morning and that should be my last shot until it's time for the HCG (Ovidrel) trigger shot on Thursday. I'm still scheduled for Friday for my egg transfer. So onward we go!

June 8, 2012

God Is In Control

We stepped out on faith and I have to keep reminding myself of that. God is in control! So my doctor order 16 more Bravelle and 7 more Menopur which came to roughly $1400... Yes $1400 that I did not have. So a friend from BBC offered me her left over Menopur and she was going to overnight it tomorrow from Florida! Now how sweet is that!? Only problem was I run out of meds tomorrow morning! Now normally stress would set-in but because I'm not on this journey alone I reached out to a close friend. She is local and her IVF cycle is on hold so she is giving me her Menopur! I tell ya God always makes a way b/c we had no more disposable money until next week! Normally that is not an issue but being that we are on a time crunch we can not wait for anything. We'd already cleaned out our IVF saving because the unexpected $2500 surgery threw us over budget. However, where there is a will, there is a way and that way is led by God... So after our am Dr. appt tomorrow morning I'll meet my friend for breaksfast and get the menopur we need. I can actually breathe a sigh of relief b/c she doesn't start her protocol till August so she just had meds at home waiting! Luckily we are on a similiar protocol. I'm just so thankful for the women in my life that understand this journey. They understand all the unexpected, crazy, stressful things that can happen. Some of you I know better than others but you all have still selflessly offered your help because you know THIS journey! I truly thank you all for that. Special thanks to Re, Tanya and Tiffany. It not only takes a village to raise children, sometimes it takes a village to get them here in the first place! When you think you are down and out, God makes a way.

June 7, 2012

So not what I wanted to hear...

This morning I went to have my blood drawn at 8:00am and then back to the dr. for a sono this afternoon at 4:15. My E2 increased from 76 to 264...still not that great. My doctor wants me to be above 1000 but below 4000 at the end of the stim cycle. I had about 7 follicles of various sizes in my right ovary but he couldn't see much in the left ovary. He said he's sure some are there they just weren't visible. So he increased my meds again...this time to 5 Bravelle, 1 Menopur and 5ml Lupron. Then tomorrow he wants me to do two shots, one in the am 2 Bravelle, 1 Menopur and one at night 2 Bravelle and 1 Menopur (I have to check on the Lupron dosage) I'm so frustrated b/c now we have to order more medicine and I just don't have the money to keep ordering more drugs. He said most likely my egg transfer will be pushed to next Friday. I'm just really at a lose for words. I know everyone responds to the meds differently but I was really hoping for some good news. I go back to the Dr. on Saturday morning at 8:30 for more bloodwork and another sono. I just don't even know what to say at this point. I'm emotional, frustrated, afraid and now I may be getting these lovely shots twice a day for a while. I just really hope this IVF cycle works because I don't know if I can do this again.

June 5, 2012

My IVF Medication Roll Call!

As requested here is all of my medication! This is my day to day right now...Lots of meds! These pictures consist of: Lupron, Bravelle, Menopur, Ovidrel, Crinone, Progesterone Capsules, Doxycycline Hyclate, Methylprednisolone Tablets, Prometrium and Vivelle. Also alcohol wipes, 2 different size syringes, 2 different sizes of needles, Q-Caps and a Sharp Container for all my discarded needles. Your looking at over $3000 in medication. Hopefully I will not have to purchase anymore!

Estrogen Levels Please Don't Fail Me

I have learned a little more about these numbers today and what it all means. I may have been told before but I have so much infertility jargon in my head that it's hard to keep it straight. Not sure if educating myself was a good thing or bad. The numbers they are monitoring are my estrogen levels and those levels tell you if there are any eggs baking inside your follicle. The higher the number, the more eggs typically. My baseline (numbers for Lurpon but BEFORE I started stims) was a 32 which was good because it meant my ovaries were relaxed which is what the Lupron does. However, after 2 days of the stim meds on Saturday and Sunday I only rose to a 76 by the time of my Dr. Appt on Monday morning. They were hoping for me to be in the hundreds at least which is why they increased my meds. I hope by doing the increase for three days that my numbers will be much better. If they are not it could mean a longer stim period which pushes back everything and I could also need to order more drugs!!!! As if $3000+ wasn't enough on meds already! I'm trying not to worry about it but it's really hard b/c I'm so anxious. I just want everything to go alright. I'm going to attempt to relax and think good thoughts and just hope my numbers are where they need to be by Thursday's appointment. Need prayers please.

June 4, 2012

3rd Shot was much better!

Wow! Thank God for ice! I really appreciate all the suggestions ladies! I did the icing before and after and it helped tremendously! No tears today! My eyes just watered slightly but I think it was just b/c I was closing them so tightly I busted a tear duct! lol I can't tell you all how relieved I am that the shot wasn't as bad as the previous two days!!!! One thing is for sure I can definitely feel the increase in medicine. I feel all warm and tingly inside. I had my shot about 45 minutes ago and I can still feel it. Let's hope the increase in dosage does what they need it to do. I'll check-in after Thursday's Dr. Appt. Ta Ta for now...

First Post "Cocktail" Dr. Appt-

This morning hubby and I went to our first Dr. appt today to get my blood work checked to see how the "cocktail" shot is working. We got there at 8:00 and were out by 8:15 w/ just a few minutes of a wait time so it was really quick. The nurse drew my blood and said they'd call today to give me my dosage for tonight. I guess basically to let me know if anything increases, decreases or just stays the same. We also inquired about the extra drop of medicine that remained in the syringe on Saturday and Sunday. The nurse said that is normal and not to fret over it. I guess she could tell that we were worried being that we brought in last night's syringe to show her exactly what we were talking about! lol I mean it's pretty important to us since we are paying over $200 per shot! Heck that drop was about $20 or something! Oh and no I did not forget to ask about the BURNING sensation that I feel during the injection! I asked two of my girlfriends last night to get their experiences and technique. They both mentioned icing the area before the shot and to push the meds in slower. We asked the nurse her suggestions and she said that it's the Menopur that burns and that icing before and after may help some. However, it's still going to hurt so we will just continue to push through and I'll try not to cry every night. I really do think it's just my emotions and not really the pain of the shots. The nurse called at 3:00pm and my levels went from a 32 to a 76. Going in the right direction BUT not high enough. They would have liked to see me in the 100's. So my dosage was increased by one additional Bravelle. So for tonight, tomorrow and Wednesday I will be taking 4 Bravelle, 1 Menopur and 5ml Lupron. Then back to the Dr. at 8am on Thursday for blood work and then back that afternoon at 4:45 for a sono. Whoa! The nurse said the increase should do it. She also said that it is not uncommon to have to increase and decrease meds, which is why you have to go for monitoring. I'm trying hard not to get nervous. I'm just going to relax and go with it. No sense stressing over something you can not change, right?

June 3, 2012

Day 2 of "The Cocktail"

Another horrible shot experience. Just as yesterday we had about a drop of medicine that we could not get out of the syringe. I'm not sure if that's normal but we'll definitely ask our nurse in the morning when we go for bloodwork. The medicine definitely burns. I wasn't sure yesterday b/c I was so emotional but I'm definitely sure today! I can't believe I'm only on day two. Lord give me strength.

June 2, 2012

Now THAT was one hell of a cocktail!

Ouchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I just had my first Bravelle/Menopur/Lupron shot which my nurse calls "a cocktail"! Tommy mixed all the meds just as we were taught and he read all the directions over and over before he mixed. I sat in my normal spot while he pinched the tender part of my stomach together just as he has been doing. I breathed in deeply at the count of 3 and then he stuck the needle in...... now I'm not sure if it was nerves, fear, pain from the meds or just an emotional release of everything I'm going through but I cried like a baby. Actually I wept. It was the first time that has happened and I can't really say what it stemmed from. My poor sweet darling husband. He can not stand to see me cry and to think that he was the cause of it just broke his heart. So he held me and rubbed my head while on his knees in front me. He kept asking what was it??? The needle, the meds, his technique. I had no answers b/c again I was not sure. So what does he do....stick himself. Yes he stuck hisself with the needle to see if it was a difference in size and to check his technique. I gasped! He said it's ok I did the samething with the other needle. I just smiled b/c him doing that just made me feel better. He is just wonderful. He's the reason this is so important b/c he truly deserves to be a father. A child needs to experience the love this man gives on a daily basis. I honestly believe our child(ren) will be the luckiest child(ren) on the planet to have him as their father! With that being said, I have to do this all over again tomorrow and then off to the doctor I go Monday morning to get bloodwork done. This will be only bloodwork (no sono) to see if my cocktail is working. This is quite an emotional ride but if we become parents of a healthy baby or babies it was all worth it regardless of what caused those tears.

June 1, 2012

A new chapter in the making, another closing.

Today is the last day of school for my nephew. He started there last year for the summer program and then I let him remain there for Pre-school. They have been really sweet and it's a family environment which I loved. Key felt safe there and he loved his teachers and friends. I explained to him that he would not be seeing them anymore b/c school was out and he'd be attending a new school for Kindergarten. So this morning we went to the store to get a cake (which he had decorated in power-rangers), juice and flowers for his teachers as a thank you and a good-bye. It's definitely bitter-sweet but we have some changes in the making. This evening Key will go with his bio-mom for 30 days for a summer visit. She has never had him over a 4 days period besides the first two weeks of his life. I'm so nervous but I know God will watch over him. After he returns he will be going to spend the remainder of the summer with his dad (my brother). After summer concludes he will remain with his dad. My brother wants the chance to raise him and wants his son to live with him and I understand that because he has never had the chance. His life is now on track and he is settled. He has a live-in girlfriend who has a son Key's age and they are also expecting a son together in the next few months. My nephew loves his dad and I feel this is a good thing for their bond. I never want my nephew to feel that he was not wanted. So my husband and I put our own selfishness to the side to do what is in the best interest of Key. We will still have him on the weekends and extended periods of time as we did before he lived with us full-time. I will retain legal custody of him while monitoring his transition and a couple of years down the road if everything remains smooth I'll transfer custody back to my brother. I'm definitely going to miss seeing that little face everyday but hopefully soon we will have a little cousin or two for Key to play with and swoon over b/c he loves babies. Having him for a year and right after my mom passed was like therapy for me. I actually think I needed him more than he needed me. Nevertheless no matter where he is or how old he is, he will always be "aunnie's baby". Our home will always be his and if he ever needs to return our door is always open.