January 24, 2013

Maternity Pics

Taken 1/6/13 at one of the locations where we took our engagement photos. Here we are 5 years of marriage later. In love and expecting our first child with our nephew Keyshawn two weeks before he turned 6!! It was a beautiful experience for all of us. God is AWESOME.

January 23, 2013

Random Bump Pics

January 3, 2013
30 weeks and 6 days

January 16, 2013
32 weeks and 5 days

January  22, 2013
33 weeks and 4 days

January 18, 2013

Some days you must cry...a lot.

Six weeks from today our baby girl is supposed to be born. I'm excited, nervous and a bit weepy. I've been weepy since this morning. Maybe it the hormones who knows.....

I have my first baby shower tomorrow in Houston with my husband's family and some of my family from Beaumont. I should be excited but all I can think is "wow my mom will not be there".
My best friend is throwing me a shower the following Saturday on the 26th and my mom will not be there either. The very next weekend on Feb 2nd my cousins are throwing me a shower and once again my mom will not be there either. I already know it's going to make me emotional because right now she'd be over moon with excitement. As much as I'm thankful for my family and friends it's just so bittersweet. I can't believe she is not here even though I live her absence everyday, I see the constant reminders, pictures, expressions. I answer the same questions from my nephew. He already knows the answers but I feel like he thinks if he asks them enough maybe I'll say something different. I want to say something different.  Especially when he asks "is granny coming back",  I want to yes but I can't. I try not to be sad during these inquiries because I don't want him to be sad.

Today I gave my nephew a birthday party in his classroom because he turns six on Sunday. He was so excited to see me. I know if my mom were here she would have been right there with me. This Sunday when we return from Houston I'm picking up my nephew from his mom's and we are having a party at Chuck e Cheese.  Why Chuck e Cheese because that's where he wants to go. Out of all the super cool places I've taken him to he wants to go to Chuck e Cheese. I don't question it because I know why he wants to go.... that's one of the last places he went with my mom. He tells me about it all the time. He knows exactly which Chuck e Cheese it was but most importantly he knows that she was there. So as long as he wants to go, I will take him.

I have so many pictures of Key and my mom. It saddens me that I will never have any of my mom and my child(ren). In the words of my bestie.....I can tell my child "my oh my she would have enjoyed you". I would have enjoyed that sight. My mom holding my child, smelling her neck and head, you know just breathing her in like she was intoxicating. Dressing her up like a doll and doing her hair. She would have been so proud. Sometimes I wonder did I have to lose my mom to gain my child? Did I only get the courage to pursue this finally because she passed away? Why didn't I do this three years ago when my mom was here?

I just have a hole in my heart and there are days like today that I just fall into it. Maybe because it makes me feel closer to her. Maybe because I allow myself to miss her openly. I try so hard to be positive for my baby because I don't want her to feel my grief. I want to protect her because it's my job, because I'm her mother. However there are times where I just want my mother. I just want to talk to her, to see her face, hear her laugh. I just want any day before April 19, 2011.

January 10, 2013

Today's Appointment

What a crazy doctor appointment I had today--
First of all this was the first appointment that my husband missed. My best friend was also suppose to go but she had to do something with her mom. So off I went on my doctor's appointment alone. I get there and I wait about 15 minutes. Once I was called to the back the sono-tech asked me why I was having another sono. I said I don't know it's just what I was told. She determined I didn't need one which pissed me off because I was looking forward to seeing my daughter today. She took me back to the waiting room because a examination room was not available yet. So I go back out and I wait until my regular nurse comes to get me. She asks me how I was doing and I told her I was annoyed because I was expecting a sono but the technician decided I didn't need one!  So she went to get my OB and she immediately came in and said OK let me fix the issue. She told the tech to give me a sono immediately so I was able to see my princess. She was doing fine! She had her arms crossed over her face as if she was blocking out light. Eventually she moved them and I was able to see her little face. She was yawning and wiggling around. I think this is the first time that I got a good look at her face. It was only for a split second but it was precious. The sono was quick just to make sure my fibroids were still small and the baby had plenty of room.

After that I went back into the examination room with a better attitude! My vitals were checked and everything was good including my blood pressure. The drama started when my doctor was listening for the baby's heartbeat. She found it but it was really fast, kind of skipping and slightly muffled. That worried me a bit but I tried not to panic. My doctor decided it was better to be safe so she ordered me to be monitored. They took me to another room and hooked me up to a monitor to make sure her heartbeat was alright. I text my husband and bestie to let them know what was going on. They both were like of all days for something odd to occur and you're alone. I assured them I was fine and I just went through the process. It took about 25 minutes and every time she moved I was suppose to press a button. Everything ended up being fine but I was pretty close to tears at the beginning. Just the thought of something being wrong freaked me out. It turns out that her heart rate was normal but because she was moving so much it kept spiking up really high and muffling.

I basically went from being slightly blue that I had to go to my appt alone, to pissed because I didn't think I was going to get my sono to frightened when I thought the baby's heartbeat was irregular! After almost two hours at the doctor's I was exhausted, both physically and mentally!

My next appointment is on the 24th and after this next appointment I will be going in every week! The finish line is fast approaching! I can not wait to see her face and hold her in my arms!

January 3, 2013

Bump Pics

Christmas Day 12/25/12
29 weeks and 4 days

Christmas Day 12/25/12
29 weeks and 4 days

That side view is serious
Christmas Day 12/25/12
29 weeks and 4 days

Happy New Year 2013!!!
30 weeks and 3 days

Happy New Year 2013!!!
30 weeks and 3 days
(we forgot the guy hats! lol)

Updates on Baby-

Well I'm currently 30 weeks and 6 days.  We had a sono/growth appointment last Thursday and baby girl weighed in at 3.5lbs!! All her vitals were good as well as her measurements. She wasn't really up for pictures as her face was buried in the bottom of my stomach and she wasn't moving it for us. It looked as if she had a lot of hair floating in there with her according to my doctor. Heartbeat was great also.

They moved me up to coming every two weeks which is exciting. I just can't believe how fast everything is moving. I have scheduled some prenatal visits with potential pediatricians for next week and we'll start our parenting classes in the next couple of weeks.

She is moving a lot and the movements are getting more powerful. I just look at my tummy in amazement because it's still so surreal. My stomach is definitely seems to be getting larger and I hear
that the baby will be gaining more weight toward the end. I'm kind of nervous about where that'll leave me in the weight department but as long as she is doing well that's all that matters.

We have three baby showers set for Jan 19, Jan 26 and Feb 2. After that we will know exactly what we need to buy because we've bought absolutely nothing!!! I finally decided on a design for her room and which room she'll be in so that's a start. She will be in our room for a while in the niche we had created for her. So all we need to start is her bassinet and a dresser for her clothing. I'll get to the actual nursery soon I hope but if I don't it's OK since she will not be utilizing it anyway. I had to come to terms that I was doing the nursery more for me than her because she will be fine for months and months in our room.

My next appointment is next Thursday at 2:00pm and I can't wait to see her. I just hope she is a little more cooperative this next go round. I was thinking about doing a 3D sono next week but I think I may wait till the following appointment. The further along the better I'm thinking because I really want to be able to see her. I'm absolutely horrible with sonograms and the pics they give me are pointless. I'm not visual like that so I need a really good picture.

Can't wait to meet our little princess!

January 2, 2013

Roman in pictures

It's been a week and three days since Roman has been gone and it's been really hard for me. However I still think it was the best thing for us all. My nephew did very well when we dropped him off. He bought into everything I said about him going to a better home with a play-mate. Now me on the other hand I bawled horribly and thought I was going to hyper-ventilate. It was SO hard for me. The family (who also works for the Dane Assc.) was great and had their own dane for Roman to play with as well. I'll always have a slight sting in my heart when I think of him. I wish things could have been different because he really was a wonderful dog. I pray he finds his "furever" home and that they can give him more than what I could even though I loved him to pieces and spoiled him rotten. I just hope his new home has more time to take him to parks, lakes etc. b/c he deserves so much more than I could give. He was truly the best dog I ever had and I will miss him dearly. I;ll always love you Roman
First time Roman and Key met. We thought Key would be horrified but he loved him right away and Roman loved him right back.

Sitting by the window looking all regal

Key and Roman hanging out on the porch

Roman giving me those loving eyes in hopes for another treat.

New Years Eve 2011. He had a wild night and was tuckered out!

Snuggling daddy's feet after he returned from a business trip.

2011 Roman's Christmas presents under the tree
Key and Roman on 12/23/12 right before we took him to his new home

Key and Roman on 12/23/12 right before we took him to his new home

Key and Roman on 12/23/12 right before we took him to his new home