So today my cousin found out she is having a girl...
I was genuinely thrilled when I got the news today. After getting over my initial shock months ago of her surprise pregnancy, having a mini break-down and then becoming withdrawn from her a bit. We rekindled our relationship and I thought I was mentally ready to embrace it.
I knew the appt was today and I'd been excited for her all day. She called and I knew it was a girl...that was my thought all along and I was right! I was over-joyed talking to her on the phone b/c I knew she wanted a girl! She was so excited and I was excited for her. We talked and laughed basically just rejoicing that we get to shop our azzes off for a baby girl. I was all smiles and as soon as we hung up my entire mood changed. I had been at the mall that entire time and then it just hit me. My lip started to quiver, my eyes started filling up so I had to make a mad dash out of the mall to my car before I came un-glued. I made it...tried to regain my composure and then one tear fell. Good I thought, just one..I'm ok. I sucked it up...put the car in drive and I was fine...drove freely about 10 minutes and then got caught by a light. That obviously gave me too much time to think and before I knew it I was full-on sobbing. Ugh.....when will this ever end. Next April will mark the 3 years of this journey and I'm so tired. I just pray to God I'll be able to get my IVF before then. We figured it was smarter to get our house first...I'm starting to second guess that now. I just felt like getting a house was something I could control ya know. I can't really control an IVF..we could pay the 10,000 and it not work and we walk away in the same situation we started less 10,000.
Now I'm in my house and I love it but all I can think is man it's quiet here :(
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Hey sweetie - I feel your pain and I am right there with you some days. Most of the time it's bearable and we can deal with life, and then sometimes the pain and tears come back. Just remember - those tears are proof of how much you want this baby - so many people would have given up by now, but yall still have plans to get a baby on the way. Whenever you get to IVF it will be the right time. I can't guarantee it will work for you, but I feel like God has us wait for certain things until we are ready. He hgave you that house to have something to turn your attention to. It's been 4.5 years for us now and I get that the waiting is hard... believe me - I have cried a ton. Wish I had the right words to make it better. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteTHX SHERRY! MY HAVE I MISSED YOU! I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU THE OTHER DAY! I JUST HATE GETTING DOWN B/C I LEAD SUCH A GREAT LIFE AND I'M BLESSED SO I HATE BEING SAD...OR ENVIOUS. IT'S JUST NOT MY NATURE YA KNOW! I
ReplyDeleteM KEEPING THE FAITH THOUGH AND I'M BETTER TODAY! THANK YOU FOR THE KIND WORDS! ((HUGS))
It's ok to get down every once in a while though - like I said, it's just a reminder how much you want that child!! Glad you are better today!
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