So today my cousin found out she is having a girl...
I was genuinely thrilled when I got the news today. After getting over my initial shock months ago of her surprise pregnancy, having a mini break-down and then becoming withdrawn from her a bit. We rekindled our relationship and I thought I was mentally ready to embrace it.
I knew the appt was today and I'd been excited for her all day. She called and I knew it was a girl...that was my thought all along and I was right! I was over-joyed talking to her on the phone b/c I knew she wanted a girl! She was so excited and I was excited for her. We talked and laughed basically just rejoicing that we get to shop our azzes off for a baby girl. I was all smiles and as soon as we hung up my entire mood changed. I had been at the mall that entire time and then it just hit me. My lip started to quiver, my eyes started filling up so I had to make a mad dash out of the mall to my car before I came un-glued. I made it...tried to regain my composure and then one tear fell. Good I thought, just one..I'm ok. I sucked it up...put the car in drive and I was fine...drove freely about 10 minutes and then got caught by a light. That obviously gave me too much time to think and before I knew it I was full-on sobbing. Ugh.....when will this ever end. Next April will mark the 3 years of this journey and I'm so tired. I just pray to God I'll be able to get my IVF before then. We figured it was smarter to get our house first...I'm starting to second guess that now. I just felt like getting a house was something I could control ya know. I can't really control an IVF..we could pay the 10,000 and it not work and we walk away in the same situation we started less 10,000.
Now I'm in my house and I love it but all I can think is man it's quiet here :(