November 21, 2014

Our first moments...

Yesterday was "Throwback Thursday" and I have the best throwback memory ever! The birth of my daughter but my most precious memory is of our first moments together.  Due to the fact that I had a C-section I was pretty out of it.  I remember seeing her as soon as she came out for like a millisecond! I didn't touch her, I just briefly saw her then she was swept away because she had swallowed fluid.  I didn't see her again in person until 6 hours later as I was rolled past the nursery.  I didn't get to physically hold her until about 8 hours after her birth and those moments were the most precious moments of my life.

In light of losing our last embryo, I've come to the realization that I may never experience that feeling again. It was a high that can never be duplicated. I still hope to have another child but if that never transpires, I won't complain. I am extremely blessed and grateful for my miracle, Miss Avery-Harper Merlyn Hill! She is "enough" for all of my dreams. She was created in love and she will be raised in love, as she is the purest definition of our love. She is God's gift and I'm amazed by her each and every moment of every day.  Thank you God for my child.

November 18, 2014

Nope it wasn't a bad dream

In my bed with no energy. I have all my curtains drawn, I'm still in my pajamas and bathrobe and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I've probably eaten 5 fruit roll-ups so I'm in a semi sugar coma.
(Sigh)......I'm just feeling some kind of way.  I'm still shocked and sad about yesterday's news.  It's still so surreal that everything just stopped so abruptly.  I of course knew of the risks but I didn't even get a chance to try. I didn't get to see if my body would miraculously welcome our embryo and this beautiful baby would start to grow just like our Avery-Harper.  It's so hard to dead a dream that you already started living.  I'm hoping to be in better spirits soon because this is a low low point in my life right now.

I can say this though, my daughter has brighten my outlook majorly and her existence alone helps me cope.  Avery-Harper came home last night from her godmother's and gave me lots of love, hugs and kisses. She must have known I needed it.  Plus I could tell she really missed me and that made me feel great.  I was hoping I'd get out today and try to feel normal but I think I'll try maybe tomorrow.  I'm just not feeling like myself yet.

Praying for peace and healing.  

November 17, 2014

The call that changed everything-

So at approximately 11:20am I got the call stating that our last embryo, our last hope for baby #2 did not survive the thawing.  The call was very surreal. From what I can recall the embryologist said that when trying to flush the embryo through the straw it just kind of came apart.  She said that can happen which is why we are informed before we start the process. I knew it was a risk.  I just wasn't prepared for that call.  I mean who would be?  I'm totally and utterly devastated but I also know I'm blessed to have my miracle Avery-Harper.  However I'm human and I can't pray away my disappointment.  I can't stop my tears because I already loved this child.  I already had hopes for this bundle. I already had names considered. I already started to imagine my bump and the beauty of experiencing another pregnancy.

So as of now I just sit here drenched in my own tears and missing the baby I never got a chance to meet.  I don't really know how to feel because I loved my child already.  People who know the infertility journey may understand this easier than others.

It's hard for me to process right now but in due time I will.

My FET is today!!!!!

OMG!!! Today is the day people!!! My FET is at 2:30 and I'm SO FREAKING NERVOUS! For the last 5 days my medication has been greatly increased! I've been taking 11 doses of meds plus I add estrogen patches every 3-4 days.  It's a lot!!!!! However this is our path to baby #2! I'm praying for a successful transfer and a successful, happy, healthy and scare-free pregnancy!!! Here's to baby #2!!

November 12, 2014

Not a happy camper

OMG I feel awful!  Not sure if it's the new medicine combo or what but this can't last!
I feel nauseous, my stomach aches and I'm peeing every 30 minutes! It's like I'm pregnant already!
Not sure what these meds are doing to me but it's not pleasant!  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

New medication protocol

Today is the day I start my new medication protocol which will continue until my pregnancy test given by Dr. Haas.  I have to take my blood pressure pill as always of course 2x a day, Minivelle patch needs to be changed today (I change that every 3-4 days) and I started 3 new meds! I had to stop the estradiol but add the progesterone suppository 3x a day, Doxycycline (antibiotic) 2x a day, Methylprenisolone 2x a day and a 81mg baby aspirin.  I have one more prescription fill for valium that I'll take before my transfer and as needed.  After that I'll do my final tally for the FET!
My latest instruction
                             Today's meds (the silver packet and suppository is 3x a day though) 

November 10, 2014

Transfer is set for next Monday!!!

Today I had an appointment with Dr. Haas to check my lining and perform my sonohystogram. That's where a catheter like tube is inserted and water is flushed through. This is how the doctor checks for blockage, polyps etc.

Last time I had one was right before my IVF transfer and my doctor found a polyp. I had to have surgery before I could continue with the IVF.  Luckily this time I was all clear! My lining was thick and my blood was taken to check my levels.  Basically everything was great and I was so relieved.

He gave me my instructions for the next few days and I'll start my remaining meds on Wednesday.

My transfer is set for next Monday the 17th at 2:30pm! Everything is happening so fast and I'm so nervous. Praying for a successful transfer, great pregnancy and another healthy baby. 

November 5, 2014

Progesterone Arrived

So I just received my endometrin (vaginal progesterone). I purchased it from Village Fertility Pharmacy. That's where I purchased all of my meds for my IVF cycle.  They give steep discounts for self-pay clients.  Instead of paying $998 via CVS (self-pay), I ended up paying $584.10!

I don't start taking the progesterone for another week or so but it's here and ready to go!
The sucky part about this med is that it's a vaginal cream with an applicator that I have to use 3x a day for 30 days!! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The things we do for our babies-to-be!

Here's a picture of all the medications I have to take so far.
You're looking at $1379.16 of medication for my FET cycle-
Once you add that to the $160 FET consult and the $1500 FET fee you have a grand total of $3039.16!!!