November 21, 2014

Our first moments...

Yesterday was "Throwback Thursday" and I have the best throwback memory ever! The birth of my daughter but my most precious memory is of our first moments together.  Due to the fact that I had a C-section I was pretty out of it.  I remember seeing her as soon as she came out for like a millisecond! I didn't touch her, I just briefly saw her then she was swept away because she had swallowed fluid.  I didn't see her again in person until 6 hours later as I was rolled past the nursery.  I didn't get to physically hold her until about 8 hours after her birth and those moments were the most precious moments of my life.

In light of losing our last embryo, I've come to the realization that I may never experience that feeling again. It was a high that can never be duplicated. I still hope to have another child but if that never transpires, I won't complain. I am extremely blessed and grateful for my miracle, Miss Avery-Harper Merlyn Hill! She is "enough" for all of my dreams. She was created in love and she will be raised in love, as she is the purest definition of our love. She is God's gift and I'm amazed by her each and every moment of every day.  Thank you God for my child.

November 18, 2014

Nope it wasn't a bad dream

In my bed with no energy. I have all my curtains drawn, I'm still in my pajamas and bathrobe and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I've probably eaten 5 fruit roll-ups so I'm in a semi sugar coma.
(Sigh)......I'm just feeling some kind of way.  I'm still shocked and sad about yesterday's news.  It's still so surreal that everything just stopped so abruptly.  I of course knew of the risks but I didn't even get a chance to try. I didn't get to see if my body would miraculously welcome our embryo and this beautiful baby would start to grow just like our Avery-Harper.  It's so hard to dead a dream that you already started living.  I'm hoping to be in better spirits soon because this is a low low point in my life right now.

I can say this though, my daughter has brighten my outlook majorly and her existence alone helps me cope.  Avery-Harper came home last night from her godmother's and gave me lots of love, hugs and kisses. She must have known I needed it.  Plus I could tell she really missed me and that made me feel great.  I was hoping I'd get out today and try to feel normal but I think I'll try maybe tomorrow.  I'm just not feeling like myself yet.

Praying for peace and healing.  

November 17, 2014

The call that changed everything-

So at approximately 11:20am I got the call stating that our last embryo, our last hope for baby #2 did not survive the thawing.  The call was very surreal. From what I can recall the embryologist said that when trying to flush the embryo through the straw it just kind of came apart.  She said that can happen which is why we are informed before we start the process. I knew it was a risk.  I just wasn't prepared for that call.  I mean who would be?  I'm totally and utterly devastated but I also know I'm blessed to have my miracle Avery-Harper.  However I'm human and I can't pray away my disappointment.  I can't stop my tears because I already loved this child.  I already had hopes for this bundle. I already had names considered. I already started to imagine my bump and the beauty of experiencing another pregnancy.

So as of now I just sit here drenched in my own tears and missing the baby I never got a chance to meet.  I don't really know how to feel because I loved my child already.  People who know the infertility journey may understand this easier than others.

It's hard for me to process right now but in due time I will.

My FET is today!!!!!

OMG!!! Today is the day people!!! My FET is at 2:30 and I'm SO FREAKING NERVOUS! For the last 5 days my medication has been greatly increased! I've been taking 11 doses of meds plus I add estrogen patches every 3-4 days.  It's a lot!!!!! However this is our path to baby #2! I'm praying for a successful transfer and a successful, happy, healthy and scare-free pregnancy!!! Here's to baby #2!!

November 12, 2014

Not a happy camper

OMG I feel awful!  Not sure if it's the new medicine combo or what but this can't last!
I feel nauseous, my stomach aches and I'm peeing every 30 minutes! It's like I'm pregnant already!
Not sure what these meds are doing to me but it's not pleasant!  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

New medication protocol

Today is the day I start my new medication protocol which will continue until my pregnancy test given by Dr. Haas.  I have to take my blood pressure pill as always of course 2x a day, Minivelle patch needs to be changed today (I change that every 3-4 days) and I started 3 new meds! I had to stop the estradiol but add the progesterone suppository 3x a day, Doxycycline (antibiotic) 2x a day, Methylprenisolone 2x a day and a 81mg baby aspirin.  I have one more prescription fill for valium that I'll take before my transfer and as needed.  After that I'll do my final tally for the FET!
My latest instruction
                             Today's meds (the silver packet and suppository is 3x a day though) 

November 10, 2014

Transfer is set for next Monday!!!

Today I had an appointment with Dr. Haas to check my lining and perform my sonohystogram. That's where a catheter like tube is inserted and water is flushed through. This is how the doctor checks for blockage, polyps etc.

Last time I had one was right before my IVF transfer and my doctor found a polyp. I had to have surgery before I could continue with the IVF.  Luckily this time I was all clear! My lining was thick and my blood was taken to check my levels.  Basically everything was great and I was so relieved.

He gave me my instructions for the next few days and I'll start my remaining meds on Wednesday.

My transfer is set for next Monday the 17th at 2:30pm! Everything is happening so fast and I'm so nervous. Praying for a successful transfer, great pregnancy and another healthy baby. 

November 5, 2014

Progesterone Arrived

So I just received my endometrin (vaginal progesterone). I purchased it from Village Fertility Pharmacy. That's where I purchased all of my meds for my IVF cycle.  They give steep discounts for self-pay clients.  Instead of paying $998 via CVS (self-pay), I ended up paying $584.10!

I don't start taking the progesterone for another week or so but it's here and ready to go!
The sucky part about this med is that it's a vaginal cream with an applicator that I have to use 3x a day for 30 days!! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The things we do for our babies-to-be!

Here's a picture of all the medications I have to take so far.
You're looking at $1379.16 of medication for my FET cycle-
Once you add that to the $160 FET consult and the $1500 FET fee you have a grand total of $3039.16!!!

October 29, 2014

FET protocol has officially started!!!!!

After being over a week late (which is typical for me) my cycle started on Friday evening. I called my doctor's office and was instructed to come in Monday at 11am.  It was a really quick appointment. Dr. Haas just performed a baseline sonogram to check for fibroids and look at my ovaries, etc.  I still had fibroids however they weren't too big. I had them with Avery-Harper as well which is why I had to have a c-section.  He also mentioned that my ovaries were still quite low in position but that we didn't need to worry about it because we weren't trying naturally to conceive.

He then gave me my calendar for my prescriptions and scheduled me to come back on November 10th for my next appointment which will include a sono histogram, practice transfer and check of my blood estrogen level and my lining.

Below are the medication names and prices rundown-

Started these on Monday:
Estradiol (estrogen) 2mg 2x a day- - $26.99
Minivelle Patches 0.1mg apply one to lower abdomen and change every 3-4 days -- $112.99

Haven't Started These Yet:
Doxycycline 100mg- 1 tablet by mouth 2x a day-- $46.09
Methlprednisolone (Medrol) 8mg- 1 tablet by mouth 2x a day-- $29.89
Endometrin 100mg- 1 tablet vaginally 3x a day ---- $579.10 (it would have been $998 through a regular CVS pharmacy.  So I called Village Fertility Mail Order Pharmacy and with a $50 coupon that they applied it came out to be more than $400 less)

So the total tally for right now on the medication only is $795.06.  I didn't think the medicine would be so pricey but it's no where near the price when the injectables were added for my fresh IVF protocol.

If I get pregnant I'll use the refills on the Minivelle and Endometrin until the 11th week of pregnancy just as I did with Avery-Harper.

Let the mood swings begin!!!!!

Turns out she didn't need Stitches...

So last Wednesday on 10/22/14 my daughter took a spill inside of a store at the mall.
She fell in a store and hit her head on a table displaying products.
She screamed, I picked her up and she stopped crying immediately.  She hugged my neck and motioned to get down so I put her down. As we were walking my sister Jesseca started yelling "she's bleeding she's bleeding"!!!!

I picked her up and put her on the counter so I could figure out where the blood was coming from. Blood was just gushing down her face and neck. I only stayed calm bc she wasn't crying at all!! In fact she was smiling and trying to play. I saw that the blood was coming from the side of her head so I took down her ponytail and applied pressure. The bleeding clotted quickly. All the while she was playing with everything on the counter 😳😳😳😳

Sent photo to hubby and he said I think stitches so I headed to ER. He met us there. Doctor said they could do staples but that it wasn't really necessary bc it'll heal on its on in a few days. Basically it looked worse than it was!!!! You would have never known this child was hurt! She played and danced the entire time in the ER!!!

Now don't misunderstand because I was totally freaked! I ONLY kept my cool bc she wasn't crying and I knew I couldn't help her if I panicked. I learned that from her first allergic reaction to eggs when the 911 operator was trying to calm me down 😐 #mommyfail
Had she been crying in distress I might have freaked out because it was A LOTTTTTT of blood. The doctor said the head always always bleeds a lot so I'll remember that.

Nevertheless she's great! The gash healed beautifully and quickly! I'm super proud of my girl because she took that incident like a champ! Within minutes of her fall even with blood everywhere she was totally unfazed. If it had not been for the blood I would have never known she was hurt. I thank God it wasn't serious and my baby was OK.

Moral to the baby is gangsta! 😎

October 14, 2014

My Miracle (Pictures)

Avery-Harper 19mos

Avery-Harper 19mos

Avery-Harper 19mos

Avery-Harper 19mos

Feeling just fine after EB-

So it's the day after my endometrial biopsy and I feel just fine. I'm no longer bleeding and all the cramping has subsided. Yesterday I kept pad on until the evening but after that it was not needed. Now I just wait for my cycle to start-

If that minor procedure can increase your chances in anyway, I advise all ladies to take advantage!

October 13, 2014

Fancy Hygiene

Brushing her teeth while wearing mommy's fascinator! Sometimes it helps to feel a little fancy.



Her first lollipop (19mos)

Trying out a new hairdo- The faux bun aka top knot

Trying out a new hairdo- The faux bun aka top knot


Endometrial Biopsy Performed

Back from my endometrial biopsy and it was a highly uncomfortable 25 seconds!!!! I took 3 Advil a few minutes before to help curve the discomfort. It was a quick procedure but here I am more than an hour after leaving the doctor and I'm still cramping.  Cramping and light bleeding are both common and should subside by tomorrow morning.  I just have to take it easy the remainder of the evening. All and all it was not a bad process and also a very small fee ($250) to increase my chances for baby #2!!!

From what I can recall the procedure went like this-

Undress waist down
Feet in stir-ups
Chair elevated
Speculum inserted
Catheter inserted
Tool used for scraping the uterine lining

The entire procedure was less than 5 minutes. Hubby was in there with me the entire time holding my hand.  I checked in a 2:05 and was walking to my car by 2:25.

My cycle should start in a week or so and then the real protocol shall commence!!!

Oh found this article about the endometrial and the possibility of boosting one's chances:


October 2, 2014

FET Protocol Consult

Last Wednesday (9/24/14) I went back to Dr. Haas' office to embark on the journey of my first and last FET cycle. It was such a pleasure to see Dr. Haas after such a long time. I last saw him and Kristie when the baby was 3 months old because I took her for a visit  I make sure that I send them updates on her with pictures every 3-4 months. After all they are my miracle team!

Due to the fact that we now have a toddler and my 7 year old nephew is back home to live with us full-time, the hubby stayed back with the kids.  Being back in that office was giving me a real mind trip. However this time I was back not as a woman wanting to be a mother, but as a mother of a smart, healthy, happy and beautiful baby girl. It was so surreal seeing my daughter's picture on Dr. Haas' "baby wall of fame".  I never thought I'd have a child on that wall.....any wall for that matter.  However God (and my miracle workers) had other plans for my life.

I'll give you all the play by play on the FET protocol but first let me tell you about my "elective procedure" that will precede the FET.

On October 13th at 2pm I'm having a Endometrial which is an elective procedure.  This procedure is suppose to scrap the uterine lining and as it heals it will become very "sticky". The stickiness can help the embryo adhere.  I had a polypectomy before my IVF because the polyp had to be removed before I could proceed. Dr. Haas stated that while he was doing the procedure he'd scrap up my lining to give me a better chance of success.  I'm not saying that is the reason my previous IVF was a success but why not give this last embryo all the chance I can.

Dr. Haas wrote out a little outline as he always has and the FET protocol goes as follows:
  • CD 1 (cycle day 1 of menses)- call the office and schedule appt for baseline sono which will be within 2-3 days
  • Practice Transfer/Sonohystogram
  • Start Estrogen for two weeks
  • return for midcycle sonogram- check lining and blood estrogen level
  • 5 days of progesterone
  • embryo thawing starting 24 hours before transfer
  • embryo transfer (90% survival rate)
  • stay on progesterone for 10 days
  • pregnancy test

Payment Breakdown (self-pay)
$160 for FET consult visit
$250 for Endometrial Biopsy
$250 Practice Transfer/Sonohystogram
$1500 FET fee

The only thing not included is the amount for the medicine. It's not suppose to be too much because there aren't any injections. I'll need to take Estrogen patches or pills and two types of progesterone.

That's all the info I have for now but just as I did for my IVF cycle, I will be detailing this journey whether the outcome is good or bad. This may help other women that may also have to travel this path one day-

September 24, 2014

Time to try for baby #2! FET here we come!

It's been a little over two years since I've been in this waiting room! I'm at my fertility doctor's office awaiting my FET consultation!  Wow this place just fills me with all kinds of emotions! I've been at the lowest of lows here and also the highest of highs!  Why am I here today? I'm here because it's time to embark on our FET journey!  We have one embryo left and it's time to try for our 2nd and final child!  Let the journey begin.

September 12, 2014

Enjoying the last days of summer

We call them "the twins"! They are 6 months apart and look very similar. Little Miss Avery-Harper and her cousin Khyree enjoying a summer day at her favorite park!
Trying to pick up water! Yeah, I'll just let her come
to her own conclusion on that one! Ha!

Avery-Harper, Khyree and Me

City babes enjoying the simple things

She loves to tease him

Our rendition of the Titanic stance! Ha!

Pictures of our Miracle!

@ The Perot Musuem

@ Klyde Warren Park

Another outing at the park

@ her cousin's birthday party

When daddy and Keyshawn let her do what she wants!

Coming down the slide

She LOVES a good swing

Pictures from Avery-Harper's 1st Birthday

Her party was great! Filled with family, friends and LOVE!!!! Her party was on March 1, 2014 on what would have been my mom's 60th birthday. I woke up crying that morning because I missed her so much but I had to count that day as JOY in order to celebrate my gift from God!!! I know she would have wanted it that way.
The Details

Her Smash Cake and first taste of sugar

Time for gifts

The Party People

The Scene

The faces, the joy, the love.

Avery-Harper's First Commercial!!

I know, I know but life has been kicking me in the rear!
I have soooooooooo much to share but let me start with the cutest news first!
So in December of last year Avery-Harper was signed to Kim Dawson Modeling Agency!
YES!!!!!! The KIM DAWSON AGENCY!!!!!  She did her very first commercial in May of this year and it just came out last month! It was for Bright Start toys and it was super cute! Her spots are quick but she's in the main commercial and the instructional one.  She was what they called a "main principle" and now she's a registered ACTOR!!! My baby is a STAR!!!! Lol #proudmomma

Still Shot

Still Shot

Still Shot

Here are the commercial links:

May 4, 2014

She knows my mom

Some moments just take your breathe away:

I was walking around the house holding Avery-Harper. I took her over to the bookshelf and I showed her my mom's picture. I don't believe I've ever done that before, however she recognized her right away. She pointed at the picture and smiled very big. She did this repeatedly. I then told her this is your granny and I asked did she know her? She smiled even bigger while bouncing in my arms. I asked her if she's seen her before? If she talks to her in her dreams? Then I asked if she wanted to give her a kiss? She smiled and then leaned in and kissed the picture without hesitation. My heart just bubbled over. I cried, I laughed then I cried some more. She gave the picture two more kisses then waved goodbye as we walked away.

This amongst many reasons is why I know there's a God.

February 26, 2014

Happy 1st Birthday Avery-Harper

On this day a year ago at 11:37am my life changed forever and for the better! Avery-Harper came into my crazy world and rocked it! It was the scariest, happiest most imperfectly perfect day of my life! I couldn't imagine a more exquisite being. She has her father's sensitive skin and kind nature, coupled with my stubbornness and sass! SHE'S PERFECT!

Her first year went by extremely fast but it was also extremely beautiful! So to all my friends that are still trying, please don't give up! The light at the end of the tunnel shines brighter than your wildest dreams.

Our road to get to parenthood was beyond hard. However, I'd do it 100 times over just to get to her! Happy Birthday My Miracle Child. Always know that you were desperately wanted and created by love ❤️❤️


February 19, 2014

Pampers and Pantyhose

Pampers & Pantyhose!!! Getting ready for church! Yasssss honey the struggle is REAL
and it starts EARLY
#aboutdatlife #lookinglikejocelynphillipsonsundaymornin


*Avery-Harper is ALLERGIC TO EGGS! (she'll probably grow out of it later)

* All common sense escapes you when your baby's face swells to the size of your ass!

* I can still run very fast, especially when it comes to my child.

* My husband can get from Frisco to Dallas in less than 20 minutes when he is worried about his girls!

After Benadryl and a $120 doctor visit, Avery-Harper was totally fine!

Valentine's Day

We had a Great Valentine's Day with our baby girl! We took her to our Thai restaurant where we had our first Valentine's Day date 8 years ago. We go every year and it's always special b/c we know the staff and they allow Tommy to do extra special things for me every year. He always brings flowers and candy (sometimes a special bottle of wine) and they set it up with candles before we arrive at our same table every year.

This year was extra special because we took the baby. The staff got to meet her and it was such a special evening reflecting on our blessings.

However the SWEETEST part was my husband Tommy got the baby her own bouquet of flowers! OMG the cutest thing you've ever seen!! It was very tiny and made especially for her small frame. She also got a card and bear. It just made my heart melts in a puddle. BEST HUSBAND AND FATHER EVER.

After dinner we dropped the baby off at Granny Annie's for a couple of hours. We then went to a wine cellar and just enjoyed some adult time. We had a wonderful evening!

January 8, 2014

Morning Selfies

Selfies of me and my girl taken this morning. I just love taking pictures with her and of her. She just brings me so much joy. These candid moments really warm my heart when I go back and see how much she's changed in such a short time! She's growing so fast! It very bittersweet!
Mommy loves you Avery-Harper.

I just love her face

A candid pic a home last week

a crop from our holiday shoot

Holiday Photos 2013

We took our first holiday photos on November 2nd and mailed them out around December 1st! Everything was perfect. Our photographers did an amazing job. They had a set designed and it was a play on the 1950's TV style. So stinking cute. Everyone loved their holiday cards.

Avery-Harper's First Christmas

She really enjoyed Christmas. We celebrated Christmas Eve at my brother's house with our immediate family. It was super cute. Then on Christmas Day we slept in and didn't open gift till around 10:30am. Her god-mother Jocelyn and her mother "granny Annie" came over to watch her open her gifts. She didn't care about the contents, only the bows and wrapping paper. It was a precious day and we enjoyed it quietly in our home, just the three of us. It was beautiful.