June 28, 2010

With Love from TX- Take care of him NY

So this morning I dropped my husband off at the airport at 5:30am for a 7:00am flight. It was so hard to keep my emotions in check but I did pretty good until I drove away. I shed a few quiet tears as we embraced good-bye but driving away was a whole other story. Yep it was nothing pretty about that (shaking my head). Ow!

For 2 weeks people have been asking me "will I be OK" and "what am I going to do without him". I was like Really?????? It's not that big of a deal b/c I can visit, skype and we'll have contact daily, etc. It didn't hit me until Saturday when we started to pack. That's when the first tears fell and there has been waterworks every since. My husband and I are very close and even though I have lots of family and friends, I've come to realize that I really do depend a lot on Tommy. He is my eye-candy, my comic relief, my wrestling buddy, my best friend...he's so much to me and I'm so use to having him around. When I'm sad or just feeling clingy I go to my nook which is right between his neck and shoulder. It's my comfort zone or should I say He is my comfort zone. I thank God I will see him next week for my birthday/vacation. It's only day one (and not even a full day at that) and I miss him already.

We had a very busy last 4 days filled with friends and family. It was really beautiful to see how much support we have in our lives. We capped the festivities off with a final lunch for family and some really close friends yesterday. What I thought might be about 30 people (even though my evite only had 10 RSVPs) turned into a lunch for 50+!!! It was wonderful to witness everyone braving the heat to come out and support my husband. He was very moved by the out pour of love and blessings. After lunch we brought my nephew home with us so we could spend some time together- just us 3. We took him swimming (his favorite pass-time) and he spent the night. Sounds weird I'm sure that we'd spend our last night with a 3 yr old but my husband and nephew are very close-almost like father and son. So explaining to him that he would not physically see "his Buddha" for 3-4 months wasn't happening. His presence is just expected. My husband doesn't put anything in front of Keyshawn, it's a very precious bond. It is going to be really hard once he starts to realize that Buddha (Tommy) is not around. I'm going to let him talk to him via skype though and I hope that helps. Buddha is his comfort and everything that is right in the world. He is definitely his uncle's baby and they have never been apart more than a matter of days. It just hurts my heart b/c I know whenever he sees me he will expect to see Tommy :-(

I've had an over-whelming amount of calls, e-mails and texts just today from friends and family checking on me. It's very sweet. As I'm sitting here it's just so quiet--a different type of quiet though and to think this is only Day 1!!! God give me strength to endure this separation and enjoy the ride b/c after all this is a GREAT opportunity for my husband. I'm so proud of him and I want that to be the focal point of this journey not me so congratulations my love! Knock em dead!

June 24, 2010


I'm finally off work starting my 4-day weekend ( I'm off Friday and Monday). I'm home trying to relax before my evening kicks off. I have had horrible allergies the past 3 days and they have threw me for a loop! Right below my nose is almost raw from blowing all day, my eyes itch and I look like crap! Not exactly what I was going for especially now!

My husband lives for his special project on Monday!!!! 4 more days until his one-way flight leaves Monday morning! Gasp!!! I just can't believe the time has passed so quickly. I'm beginning to freak a little...

We have a very full schedule from tonight until Sunday, packed with family and friends. Not to mention he hasn't even started packing yet, why you ask? B/c he's a man that's why!! Ow!

Tonight- we are doing Jazz Under the Stars at the museum with a picnic and friends
Friday- we have a temporary going away dinner at a restaurant with our friends
Saturday- our last 5K together is that morning, grocery/necessity shopping, lunch together and then evening out with friends who are moving to Cali
Sunday- we are having a big going away lunch with family ( I mean cousins, aunts, kids, uncles, etc) then spend our last evening at home alone. Sigh~

I'm so proud of him but I'm really going to miss him. Luckily I get to go to NY for my b-day the following weekend. I'll be leaving on the 8th or 9th and staying there for a few days. After that I'll see him in August for our IVF!!! Then September for our anniversary. We are planning to skype as well so we can see each other everyday. That reminds me I need to set-up an account for that! So much to do so little time.

June 22, 2010

What?! I know my faults and I'm OK with them!

1. I'm not a patient person! I want microwave results for everyyyyyyyyyything! Be it weight lose, becoming a mom, a millionaire, etc...

2. I'm a planner!!! I like to have everything laid out with bullet points, colored flags, post-its-- the whole nine! It's just how I roll.

3. I loathe waiting to do things at the last minute whether it's Dr. appts, planning an event, informing someone of plans, etc... It makes me physically sick b/c of the anxiety!

4. Don't tell me anything until your certain of the details b/c I will bug the sh*t out of you until I have reached sufficient information overload!

5. I put everything in my calendar along with 2-3 alerts b/c I hate missing something or being late! I think it is disrespectful and arrogant to be late and waste other people's time. I am very prompt- however my record has been permanently dinged b/c my husband is horrible with time management! I literally get so mad when he makes me late that I won't speak to him b/c I'm afraid what may leave my lips! UGH it seriously pisses me off beyond comprehension!

6. I get ANNOYED when something is dirty or has not been taken care of to my specifications-- Even if I'm the person that is suppose to do it. Then I get frustrated and have to complete the task immediately or the next person I see is going to get one or all of the following: stank eye, ignored, the dirty look or an ear full of drama!

7. I am totally aware that my husband can not and will not cook. Even though I have repeatedly told him how much I'd love to come home to a meal prepared by him. He cooked for me once on my birthday in 2008! That's it! He does bring home food when I don't want to cook but it is different than having a meal prepared and waiting for you. I'd even settle for take out plated and ready to devour upon my arrival. Why? Because I like to be pampered and waited on. I just do and I can't help it--I've tried to just accept that my husband is not a chef or a mind-reader but damn-it sometimes I just want what I freaking want!

8. I expect and love massages (and foot rubs) but HATE to give them!!! Yeah I said it! I hate giving massages but I LOVE to receive them. My husband only gives massages (or foot rubs) when he has pissed me off (eyebrow raised) then all of a sudden he is the Massage King of America. However if I simply ask for one he whines or just tells me "no" which I really HATE! I guess I will just write massages into our budget! Awwwwwww see I just solved one problem :-)

All these things I know are minute but I just had to get that out there b/c items 3 &4 had been breached today! lol I do understand that I can't have my way all the time, that I am a brat and that I can be selfish. However I accept responsibility for my short-comings and frankly I'M OK WITH THEM! (hair flipped and walking off)

June 21, 2010

Mixed Chicks Review & Updates

This is a little late especially being that I have been wearing my hair straight for like a week now. I received the Mixed Chicks products about a 2 weeks ago I guess and I used it for the first time like 2 days later. I bought the entire line which consisted of shampoo, deep conditioner, leave-in treatment and smoothing serum. The products had a good smell to them-kind of citrus like. The shampoo I notice seemed really good- because at one point while I rinsing the shampoo out of my hair I heard a "squeak"! Whoa I can't recall ever having squeaky clean hair before where I actually heard it! lol The deep conditioner was white and thick --you're supposed to apply it and then comb through it while your in the shower then rinse- which I did. Then I put on the leave-in treatment and then the directions said style as usual which for me means a little pomade and mousse. I didn't use the smoothing serum (mainly b/c I couldn't get the seal undone)! lol So I styled it as usual and I can't say that I saw a definite difference in my curl pattern. My hair did look nice though but that could have been b/c of the time I put into it. I can't complain much b/c I did get a few compliments on it. If the line actually had a curling serum or mousse I would have felt like it was really doing something but since I had to use my normal styling products after washing and conditioning with the Mixed Chicks line I'm just not sure. When I go back to my curly hair I will definitely use the smoothing serum and see if I notice a difference. I will continue to use the products but once I run out I think I will try something different with a line that actually includes styling products. All and all I give it about a B-

I had a pretty busy weekend- girl's nite on Friday at a great restaurant and then to a club for dancing. I haven't been out with the girls in a long time. I had a really great time! Saturday we celebrated June birthdays w/ my BFF's family. It was super fun and we were over there for like 7 or 8 hours! Sunday I went to Main Event with my brother, his GF, my nephew, hubby and little sister. We had a blast! Bowled, ate junk and played video games then back home by 6:00 to relax.

This weekend will be another busy one. We have plans from Thursday till Sunday since my hubby leaves for NY on Monday the 28th. So we are preparing for that- getting Dr. appts out of the way and packing, etc. I'm also planning my birthday trip to visit him on the weekend of the 9th. Oh and let me not forget that we also have our last 5K together on Saturday morning!

As for the IVF status-We are getting all his testing done that he needs before he leaves. He did his blood testing last week for all the diseases that they require and this week he has to give a new deposit for a semen analysis b/c they want one that is not over a year old. So we are making progress still shooting for August 17 (or whenever my cycle starts that month) start date!!!

Yep we have a lot going on in our little world and I'm tired but BLESSED!!

June 16, 2010

You Save Me- Kenny Chesney

Every now and then
I get a little lost
The strings all get tangled
The wires all get crossed
Every now and then
I’m right upon the edge
Danglin’ my toes out over the ledge
I just thank God you’re here

['Cause] when I’m a bullet shot out of a gun
['Cause] when I’m a firecracker comin’ undone
When I’m a fugitive ready to run
All wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me

It’s hard lovin’ a man
That’s got a gypsy soul
I don’t know how you do it
I’m not sure how you know
The perfect thing to say
To save me from myself
You’re the angel that believes in me
Like nobody else
And I thank God you do


Well I know I don’t tell you nearly enough
I couldn’t live one day without your love

When I’m a ship tossed around on the waves
Up on a high wire that’s ready to break
When I’ve had just about all I can take
Baby, you,
Baby you save me

(dedicated to my love: Tommy)

Weight lose, RunnING and ME!

It's Hump Day!! WOOT!!!! The week is moving and grooving. I love having Mondays off because it makes the week go by that much faster! I was able to get my butt out of bed this morning and run 3.10 miles. UGH! I love the feeling once I'm done though just to know it's out of the way, but getting there is a beating!!! I had a pretty good run this morning. I started nice and strong for the first 2 miles then backed off a bit to control my breathing for about 5 minutes or so then kicked it back up toward the end. I finished in just under 38 minutes. I'm still hoping to get down to around 35 minutes, but it just takes so much out of me. I'm getting better each time so I really can't complain. I'm excited for what next month holds to see how far I've come. At the beginning of May my average was 44-45 minutes for a 5K and now I'm right around 38-39 minutes!!!

I did my 3rd 5K in Texas City this past Saturday and it was my hardest run yet!! Crazy pavement (uneven roads, wood plank bridges, uphill and gravel) oh and let me not forget the wonderful wind pushing against me! LORD! My time was 43 something. We didn't have chips and it was super unorganized so that part was a bummer. My mother-in-law and nephew were there to cheer us on and they even ran in with me on the very last little bit. I was holding my 3 yr old nephew's hand while he was shuffling his little feet it was super cute.

My next run is in Dallas next Saturday the 26th for HIV Awareness Day I believe. That will be my last run with my husband for a while since he will be leaving for NY two days later. So from here on out it will just be me!! I guess it's not a big difference b/c we do not run together but just knowing I'll see him waiting for me when I cross the finish line is something I'm sure I'll miss :-(
Guess it's time for me to be a big girl! All and all I'm excited about that change I guess because I love relying on ME!!! That's why I work-out alone because I never want to rely on someone else's mood or energy level. This is my body and my health so I try to make it all about ME ME ME! GO ME!

I've lost about 26lbs so far and I'm pretty proud of that. I still need to lose like 40 more to get back to my normal weight. I do feel more energetic and confident though so I'm looking forward to reaching my goal which I hope to reach before August 17th when I get ready to start my IVF process. I want to be super healthy while I'm going through that and when I get PG!

I did a lot of damage to myself by ceasing to work-out and losing motivation because I NEVER had a weight problem. Then enter the last 2-3 yrs and I just went down hill. I had a lot of life changes but that is no excuse. Basically I fell in love, got married, decided I FINALLY wanted children, found out I had fertility problems then became lost. I started doing less and less, I think I actually went into a slight state of depression- then one day I looked in the mirror and just cried. I was looking at a different person, a unhealthy and unhappy person. My whole demeanor changed and I went from an outgoing life of the party type of chick to a I rather not leave the house in fear someone might see me type of chick. Then the day of reckoning came- my husband had a heart to heart with me on January 12th that rocked me to the core. I changed the very next day. I needed that--I needed to hear him out and see his pain. The pain of losing his wife. Our discussion wasn't about weight, it was about ME--how I changed, how I lost my confidence, my zest for life, my swagger. How I never wanted to go out with him anymore or meet new people. He opened my eyes and made me face reality. My husband was sitting in front of me with tears in eyes because it hurt him to see me stop living. He loved me more than I loved myself at that time. He saved me. My life has been FABULOUS since then! I started living again! Finding me, enjoying my blessings, conquering my fears (which was running) and it's wonderful. It's like a home-coming and I have missed me dearly! :-)

June 9, 2010

Holy MotherFather!!!

My mind is spinning right now and I mean full speed and on tilt! OMG!

So the hubs came home last night all normal--goes for his run, we eat dinner and then I say hey let's watch something on the DVR. He was like OK but I need to talk to you first. (eyebrow raised) I'm thinking "Awwwwwwwwww crap what is it"? He precedes to tell me he was asked to head up a major re-vamping of the NY/NJ facility. It's 3 months of crazy working, firing everyone and starting over. He can't really come home but I can go see him. WHAT!!!!?????? Three months without my husband! WTH! Gasp~

I was so nervous to even be on the receiving end of this information but it really is good news! For them to personally come after my husband to do this just speaks volumes. I know he is going to knock the ball out of the park b/c that's just how he rolls! He's BRILLIANT in his field and I'm so happy that he is being acknowledged to this level.

I have no idea where this will lead or if we will end up moving to NY but what I do know is that my husband is STOKED (about the opportunity not about moving)!!!! This is right up his alley and I couldn't be happier for him. I'm not ones of those wives that would ever stand in the way of their husband's success, hell I'm his biggest fan! I do know it will be hard for me even though I can visit him but I'm up to the challenge.

What's going to be interesting is trying to coordinate our IVF this summer!
He will have to fly in for at least one day for his part of the procedure! Our life is just forever changing for the better! We said 2010 would be a wonderful year and so far it has been. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.


June 7, 2010


I've been at my firm since I was 22 years old. I always LOVED it! It was a small firm and I felt apart of everything. I have two bosses one sweet and funny- she's like my 60 yr old BFF. The other I use to really respect and admire but not anymore. A lot has changed in 10 and 1/2 yrs but I never thought in a million years I'd feel the way I do now.

My boss "D" hired her lazy, un-employed, "sickly", loser of a son about 2 yrs ago and since then my job has been HELL! I do not work well with lazy people and I do not hold my tongue, needless to say sparks have been flying for a while now. On a personal level I get along fine with the DB of a son, but on a professional level I loathe him beyond words. My BFF boss "M" and I have told boss "D" repeatedly that her son does not take this job seriously. Basically that was the biggest waste of time ever. Regardless of his lack of productivity, knowledge of our industry, countless missed days, 5-7 smoke breaks a day-I mean hell I could go on and on. She still protects him like a mother bear would her cub. It's utterly ridiculous.

During this time I have witnessed the most un-ethical and appalling behavior ever and it gets under my skin to the point that it literally makes me sick. I half way didn't think I'd actually leave when BFF boss did but once all this nonsense started to transpire it really put things into prospective.

My husband and I planned on me being a SAHM once we started our family anyway so my leaving isn't a big stretch. I hope to get pregnant this summer with our first IVF and move on to the next chapter of my life. It's very scary though not knowing about my day to day. This firm was a HUGE part of my life and it saddens me to leave especially feeling this way but life is unpredictable. I thank God that I have a supportive husband that supports me emotionally and is able to support us financially. This is uncharted territory for me because I've never been un-employed in my adult life. If I don't enjoy being home or we do not get PG right away I can always go back to corporate America if I choose. Frankly, for right now I'm happy to be leaving. Happy to be having some ME time and not having to be somewhere everyday or deal with the drama that is CRR.

My BFF boss is retiring on September 30th and I am "retiring" on that date as well. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't make me weepy to close this chapter of my life but I've come to the realization that my morals, sanity and happiness is worth more than any salary they could ever pay me.

I'm looking forward to becoming a mom and owning my own time. I wish all my reporters the best and I will miss you all dearly. 115 days to go!

Dedicated to my Husband

Watching you watching me,
A fine way to fall asleep.
The neighbors fight,
As we both rest our eyes.

Hands in the fallen snow;
Numb to the winter cold,
But we don't mind,
'Cause we'll get warm inside.

You're the reason I come home.
You're the reason I come home, my love.
You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart...
Well, you're the reason I come home.

Paper doll silhouettes,
Fingertips on window glass;
The street's asleep,
So I breathe you in deep.

The tragedies of chemistry,
People dream of what you and me
Have found...

You're the reason I come home.
You're the reason I come home, my love.
You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart...
Well, you're the reason I come home.

And for a long time, I remember,
Saying prayers for something perfect,
Saying prayers for someone kind.
It's in my head,
We're spinning circles down the avenues instead.

You're the reason I come home.
You're the reason I come home, my love.
You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart...
Well, you're the reason I come home

(You're the Reason I Come Home by Ron Pope)


June 4, 2010

I'am RunnING!!! (in my Forrest Gump voice)

I just signed up for my June runs. My goal is to do about 2 a month and then I'm a hoping to be able to do a 10K by fall. I have no desire to even attempt that extra 3.10 miles in the summer heat! Umm No! I'm sticking with 5Ks for a while!!!

June 12th- Run by the Bay (Houston Area while visiting in-laws)
June 26th- Run for HIV Awareness in Dallas

I'm hoping to shave more time off my previous runs! Lord give me strength because I do not want to backslide.

When I ran yesterday my shins were killing me and I was like WTH I have no time for any type of body drama! I'm barely hanging on as it is! Even though I have a while before I have a killer running time, I can say running is really helping me shed these extra "Love Pounds" courtesy of having a sinfully happy marriage! I was muuuuuuuuuuch hotter when I was a player! lol So for that fun fact alone I'm staying motivated.

July and August runs are going to be the death of me I'm sure! I'm already checking out what's on the horizon! I have to keep reminding myself to slow down! One mountain at a time tiger!

Run On! Woot!

June 3, 2010

Mixed Chicks???

Ow the complicated hair story that is all mine! I have an interesting texture of hair. It's naturally wavy/curly and that is how I wear it majority of the time. Especially in the summer because I swim a lot. When I want a change or have special plans I normally get it straighted via flat iron by my stylist. Everyone just assumes I have a relaxer because all black women have relaxers, right? Ummm Wronggg!

I have pretty long hair by any standards but definitely by AA standards. It's down my back---well past my bra line and thick. With the length alone it absorbs a lot of product so you can only imagine what the thickness does to it! Ow! Sometimes it will curl perfectly fine in lovely ringlets and others it will be half curly and half wavy! %#@&#@!$!!! So I'm just trying to find a common ground here ladies! Blah~

I'm both blessed and cursed with hair versatility but sometimes finding the right product for my hair can be a BEAT DOWN! I've always used tons of different products because my hair tends to get use to a product quickly and then choose not to respond! SMH

How I ended up with moody hair I have no clue! I'd been talking with a friend of mine who recently decided to go "natural" and she was hipping me to all these different products. Carol's Daughter and Miss Jessie's were two that I recall so I read up on them and looked at the reviews, etc. Both had pretty mixed reviews. Miss Jessie's is pretty pricey and Carol's Daughter just seemed so so. In doing my research I found a product called "Mixed Chicks". I went on the site and they seem to have a pretty good product with good ingredients so I bought it. It was reasonably priced, about $50 for the entire line (shampoo, conditioner, styling serum and de-frizzer). I'm anticipating the delivery and I really hope it works.

Here is the site for anyone that is interested and I will let you all know if it works for me or not. Wish me luck!


June 2, 2010

Misty Blue

It's just how I'm feeling at this very moment. Funny though I absolutely adore this song...even when I'm beaming with happiness. However, it is still oh so fitting when I'm having moments like these. I'm coming to a cross-roads in my career and my life in general and it is simply frightening. I truly just don't know how to feel sometimes but for now I'm feeling blue~

Misty Blue by Gladys Knight

Oh, Its, been such a long long time
Looks like I got you off of my mind
But I can't, just the thought of you
Turns my whole world misty blue

Oh honey, just the mention of your name
Turns a flicker to a flame
Listen to me good baby
I think of the things we used to do
And my whole world turns misty blue

Ohhhh, baby I should forget you
Heaven knows I've tried
Baby, when I said that I'm glad we're through
Deep in my heart I know I've lied, I've lied, I've lied

Oh, Its, been such a long long time
Looks like I got you off of my mind
But I can't, just the thought of you
Turns my whole world misty blue

Ohhhhhhh, no I can't no I can't
I can't forget you
My whole world turns misty blue

Ohhhh My love
My whole world turns misty blue

Baby I should forget you
My whole world turns misty blue

Ohhhh My love
My whole world turns misty blue

Baby, baby I should forget you
Misty blue