November 13, 2013

Team Mom!

We all need a little insight from the ones who mean the most to us!
My daughter is not talking yet but the day she tells me that she loves me, or that I make her happy, etc... Lord that'll be the day I melt into a puddle on the floor. Motherhood is such an exquisite and tumultuous journey! God I love it!

November 11, 2013


If this isn't the most perfect thing I've ever read!!!!
As a new mom I second-guess myself a lot. I'm a Type-A personality so failure is hard for me.
I keep a clean home and I am most happy in a immaculate space. That's not possible with my daughter and I've learn to accept that. I've learned to be late, to go without a shower, to stay in bed all day and just snuggle her. I'm not up on every trend and I don't go out much with my girls. My life revolves around her now. My focus is making her happy. Not a lot of people understand that until they walk this journey. I can definitely admit I was WAY OFF on a lot of my thoughts before becoming a mom.  This blog entry is spot on! A great read and I'm so thankful to the author.

October 20, 2013

Avery-Harper's 6 month Photo Shoot


These were taken on 8/31/13 for Avery-Harper's 6 month photo shoot. She did so good this day! I did another "pearl" picture to pay homage to my mom just as I did in her newborn photos. I also did a picture of her in my heels. That was a play on the many pictures my mom took of me in her heels as a child. I can't believe how my little girl is growing!

October 12, 2013

You're a stay-at-home mom? So what do you DO all day?

OMG what a fabulous article!!! I can't tell you how many times I've been asked this same question! How many times I've had to "read" some fool for inquiring about my household! Ha! Frankly, when I'm ready to rest, I'll go back to work! I had much more free time when I was working outside the home! I could lunch daily, go to hair or nail appointments, decide to come in late or leave early and take breaks whenever I needed a little "me time". I definitely do not get that now that I'm home with my daughter! This is by far the most exhausting, rewarding, stressful, wonderful and emotionally driven job I've ever had. There is no salary but I'm richer now than I've ever been! Most importantly I LOVE MY JOB!

My hubby and I made the decision long before we had a child that I'd stay home to raise our
child(ren). It means less vacations, less extravagant restaurants and wayyyy less shopping for me!  However I wouldn't trade it! My daughter is my world and being home with her is an honor.

I get that we don't live in the 50's anymore so this is now taboo. However we aren't trying to keep up with the Joneses, we trying to keep up and raise Avery-Harper. I don't judge moms who work outside their homes so they need not judge me for working inside mine.

My Silly Busy Leg-warmer Wearing Girl

On this particular day Avery-Harper was all over the place! She wouldn't let me cook or put up the groceries because she wanted to play. If I started to do something she'd pull up on my legs. Now that wouldn't be an issue if she wasn't so wobbly. So finally I just gave up, sat on the kitchen floor and watched her explore! Sometimes you just have to enjoy the chaos and come to terms that most things will not get accomplished today!

6 Years of Marital Bliss!

Our 6 year wedding anniversary was on September 21st so yes this is yet another LATE post. However I still wanted to acknowledge it!

My FB/Instagram post from that day:
6 years ago today I married my best friend! Together we've grown, conquered, cried and laughed so hard we ached the next morning! Our latest chapter as parents has been a real blessing. I would not have ever thought of becoming a mother if not for you. Thank you for being the greatest man I've ever known. Avery-Harper and I love you beyond words! Happy Anniversary My Love!

First Day of Fall Picture

This picture is a few weeks old but I took it on the first day of Fall (9/22/13). My sister-in-law made these for us before the baby was born and I COULD NOT WAIT to take this picture! Yes I'm totally THAT mom! Mommy and Me matching slippers now how AMAZEBALLS is that?! LOVE!!!!

Avery-Harper Updates

Geez raising a 7.5 month old and blogging is HARD work! I'm exhausted most times so I'm really sucking at making time for writing! So let me jump right to it!

Avery-Harper is doing AWESOME! She's healthy, happy and beautiful! She's crawling, pulling up and occasionally standing. She very vocal and really expressive with her facial expressions. She gives kisses, hugs and is starting to reach for whom she wants. She is still a very happy and outgoing baby. She never meets a stranger and will give a HUGE smile to anyone who looks her way! We are madly in love with this child! It's sickening really! ha ha

August 28, 2013

Sleep Training

So AH had her 6 month appointment yesterday and we asked for advice because she's still not sleeping through the night. We explained to our doctor what we do etc

She basically said WE are the reason she doesn't sleep thru the night

She said:




So we put a plan in play last night and here is how it played out:
Started 8/27/13
Age- 6 mos, 1 day

Last food feeding at 6:45
Last bottle at 8:20
Sleep by 8:30
Woke- 12:34am
(Changed her diaper after 15 minutes of crying then immediately left the room. I never picked her up)
Back asleep by 1:43 (after on and off CIO for a little over an hour)
Woke- 5:30
Let CIO until 5:50 when she fell back asleep. Back up just cooing (not crying) at 6:00. 
Daddy brought her to me with a bottle at 6:00. I held her and talked to her etc.  Gave bottle at 6:15.  She was noticeably tired afterward. Back asleep after bottle and clean diaper around 6:30-ish and she slept till 9:30!

(All in all not too bad. I didn't feel as tired even though I was up for over an hour when she woke up the first time. At 6:00 her mood was not bad or anything, still my smiley happy girl)

I think it was a success!



I'm totally OBSESSED with my daughter. I probably give her about a thousand kisses a day! She's just so stinkin sweet!! There are SO MANY things I love about this child that I can't even put all of them into words but I'll try a few!

Her breathing! Oh how I love the sound! When she being carried with her head over my shoulder I can hear her breathing very clearly. It's so adorable! It makes me smile.

Her snoring! OMG freaking hilarious! I even took video of it on different days

Her toothless grins! Lord they just melt me!

Her obsession with holding her own hands! So sweet!

Her independence! I can already tell she's going to be a headstrong firecracker!

Her soft curly (sometimes straight) wild uncontrollable hair.

How happy she is all the time! She's always smiling and laughing out loud! It's music to my ears!

Her back fat and chubby thighs!

The open mouth wet kisses she gives and the "attack hugs"!

Her first little sound she made! Not sure if I can describe it in words but it sounds like a baby lion or something! Like a little cute growl! Love it love it love it!

There are truly just too many things to name! I just love this child! She's everything I dreamed for and more! Thank you Lord for blessing us with the gift that is Avery-Harper!

August 21, 2013

Avery-Harper meets her Miracle Workers

At almost 3 months old Avery-Harper met her "Dream Team" on May 20th!!!! For me this team consisted of Dr. Derek Haas and our nurse Kristie Martinets at Advanced Reproductive Care of Las Colinas!! These two were our people!!!  When I started at  I started with a different doctor named Sy Le. Now he was wonderful and came highly recommended but he kept forgetting our names! It happened I'd say maybe twice and that solely made me uncomfortable enough to move to Dr. Haas! I'm so happy I did!! He was funny and much more personable which was more my speed! He of course was also highly regarded in the DFW infertility world and that was my top priority!  He didn't rush us and he was always available to walk me through my millions of questions. Most doctors today act like they are celebrities and their time is very short, even for their own patients! Dr. Haas however had a great bedside manner and even though he has a lot of patients, I never felt like a number
As for my sweet darling Kristie! She was a real jewel! Every doctor should have a "Kristie" heading up their office. I can not tell you how many times I called/emailed her about the same.damn.things. She was always a total delight! She never made me feel like I was a nuisance, even though I knew I had to be! I mean hell I annoyed myself! She got me through a lot of uncertainties and I'll forever be grateful to her for that. When you go through a journey such as infertility you tend to feel overwhelmed and crazy most of the time! So it was very nice and comforting to have someone like my wonderful nurse Kristie in my corner!
We kept in touch after I was released from their care around my 6th week of pregnancy. So I of course couldn't wait for them to meet my miracle!!! They just loved her! The entire office came out to see her and it was just so sweet! I gave them her birth announcement pictures and lots of hugs!! It was like a homecoming of sorts! I know God is the reason but he made these wonderful people and they helped our desire become reality. So here's to Blessings and Miracles because all roads led to Avery-Harper.
(You can't read it on this pic but on Kristie's scrubs it says "IVFMD Where Miracles Begin"! That statement couldn't be more spot on!)

Delightful Delirium

Awakened by the monitor at 4am so I go to her room and pick her up. I cradle her in my arms lovingly. I nuzzle her face and stroke her cheek. She breathes me in deeply and smiles. She plays with my hair, buries her face in my chest and drifts back to sleep. I've probably only had about 6-7 great nights sleeps since her birth. However as long as she's intoxicated by me I'll gladly remain delirious.

Milestones for Avery-Harper

 July 6, 2013- Started cereal.

July 13, 2013- She found her toes

July 21, 2013- She sat-up unassisted at her granny's house in Houston. We sat her on the bed and instead of falling over she kept her balance. Whenever she'd lean to the side or front, she'd pulse her core until she was back in a sitting position. SO CUTE.

July 24, 2013- She rolled over from back to tummy in her crib around 8:25am. I left her in her crib on her back and when I returned minutes later she was on her tummy. I totally missed her first time rolling over. Ugh I was so sad. However I grabbed my phone to video and I flipped her back over and hid behind the bookshelf.  She flipped over again and I just lost it. I congratulated her and just hold her close and wept. She's just growing too fast.


August 6, 2013- I made her first foods with the baby bullet. Her first meal was sweet potato and she loved it!! She ate the entire container and didn't spill any on her bib.  Even though daddy fed her, I made it so I felt like a million bucks!






Avery-Harper found her toes!

Well it's official! As of 7/13/13 my baby girl found her toes!!!! She noticed her big toe was wiggling (guess she didn't know she was doing that)! Next thing we know she was diving for it! So stinking cute! She almost put it in her mouth but I had to nix that mess! ha ha

She's also getting closer and closer to sitting up. My husband sat her up and she stayed put long enough to dive toward her toes. I figure in the next few weeks she'll be doing it by herself. Gosh she's just moving way to fast for me. It really does make me a little sad.

July 8, 2013

Avery-Harper on July 4th!

My sweet girl stole the show in her holiday frock! As her god-mom said "she was twirling for the Gods honey yassssssssssssss"! ha ha

Finished Niche Pictures in the Master Bedroom

I forgot to post the "Finished" pictures for the niche remodel we did for Avery-Harper's bassinet.
Here is the initial post with all the before photos

Here are the after pictures.  It came out just as I hoped and flows effortlessly with the rest of the master. You wouldn't even know that it is a new addition.

We had the contractor build some shelves to house my knick-knacks and books. I am a book addict so the more shelving the better! To spruce them up I added grass cloth to the inside of each shelf. Gives it a more "dressed" look in my opinion.
Finished shelving to display pictures, books and trinkets

A couple of matching paintings I did especially for the niche

Faux fur rug to warm up the space and a new wall sconce (on a dimmer) to
compliment our beside lamps

The finished niche!! The bassinet is more low profile than I wanted but it went perfect with my bedroom décor! After she has outgrown it she will transition into her crib in her room. The niche space will either become a desk area or a reading nook.

Avery-Harper's Wreath

My mother-in-law made this wreath for our first baby shower which she hosted in Houston. She then brought the wreath to the hospital where it graced the door to our room. The final destination for this wreath was the front door of our home where it remained until right before Avery-Harper turned 4 months. A definite keepsake because it was made with love! Thanks Ma!

June 18, 2013

His First Father's Day

Happy "FIRST" Father's Day to my sweet wonderful handsome husband Tommy Hill!!! You've been a father-figure for years but this time you finally have the title! Avery-Harper and I are definitely daddy's girls. You are my one true love and her first love. We appreciate, adore and celebrate you on this day and everyday.

Father's Day started with a gift from myself and our daughter. It was a mirrored three opening picture frame with pictures of him and her from her newborn shoot. Then we dropped him off at his Father's Day Event. A mixology lesson, cigars, lunch and hitting golf balls at the Hank Haney driving range. It was put on by Asador restaurant at the Renaissance Hotel. We picked him up a couple of hours later so he could come home to shower. Then he was whisked away for a massage. Once we returned home I cooked him one of his favorites, Shrimp and Crawfish Étouffée! I paired it with a fresh baguette and a garden salad. It was a long day but a wonderful one!

June 13, 2013

My Girl...

It's funny our daughter is almost 4 months old and I'm still in awe that she's here!!! Every morning is like Christmas. I hear her stirring and I seriously (even when delirious) can't wait to look over in her bassinet and see that smile.  She lights up when she sees me and that just makes me melt!

We had no clue what our baby would be know would she be a crier, super fussy, sickly, etc.  However somehow we got the most perfect, calm, happy, beautiful baby ever! It's like God said "here's an extra special gift that I created just for you because you didn't give up on her".  I couldn't imagine anything more perfect. She makes me smile from ear to ear and I enjoy every moment with her.  I'm so thankful that I can be home with her and experience every moment of her everyday.  You see I waited a loooooooooonnnnnnnnngggggg time for this child and I can truly without a doubt say she was totally worth the wait.  My only regret is that I didn't do the IVF sooner so my mom could have at least met her because she is truly exquisite.

June 6, 2013

Avery-Harper's Birth Announcement

Newborn photo shoot taken in our home on March 16th. She was 2.5 weeks old. The primary photo is so special because she was draped in my mom's pearls. She was totally asleep during the shoot and when they put the pearls on her she touched them and smiled. Such a precious moment and I'm so thankful my fabulous photographers captured it.
Thank you so much BluDoor Studios!  


Our Baby's Story....

Sigh.......Sometimes things just never happen the way you plan it.

So I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little princess but little did I know we would be meeting her a little sooner than I thought.

Now everyone who knows me knows that I'm a planner! I plan everything possible. We had a scheduled C-section date of March 1st, which was a very important date because it was my mom's birthday. My doctor had informed me early on that I had fibroids which blocked my birth canal so the baby would not be able to descend naturally. Also since I had history of high blood pressure she wanted to take her a week early. My original due date was March 9th if I were to go full-term but since I couldn't we selected March 1st. Most of you know my mom passed away very unexpectedly two years ago on April 19, 2011. So the plan was to have her on my mom's birthday and give her my mom's middle name, which is "Merlyn".  However Avery-Harper had other plans.

My pregnancy had been going beautifully so I had no reason to think she'd come before the scheduled due date. I had my last dr appt at 10:45am on February 26th which was going to be followed by a hair appointment and mani/pedi/wax appointment. However, on the morning of the 26th around 5:30am we turned on the light to find blood everywhere in our bed. To say I freaked out would be a gross understatement!!!!! Besides my mom's death, I have never been so frantic and frightened in my life. I was screaming and shaking so badly that I wasn't even aware if I was hurt or feeling any kind of pain. My husband literally had to grab my face and calm me down. We called 911 on his cell phone and my doctor on my cell phone. The paramedics arrived and took my blood pressure which was (at that point) through the roof. However once I calmed down I knew I was not in pain even though I was still bleeding. The paramedics asked if I wanted them to take me to the hospital, we decided that we'd drive since I was not in pain. So with a towel in between my legs and hair we headed to the hospital. During the drive I was calm but still nervous and anxious. I called my dad, cousin TT, sister-bestie Nichole and bestie Jocelyn to let them know we were headed to the hospital.

Once we arrived to Labor and Delivery we walked in and all the staff at the nurses station just looked at us with this "WHAT THE HELL" look on their faces. We gave them our names and they said " we thought you were coming by ambulance"!!! We told them since I wasn't in pain we decided to drive, they were obviously pretty ticked about that. They felt the paramedics should have brought us because I was 9 months pregnant and bleeding.

They put us in a delivery room right across from the nursing station and within in seconds they are checking to see if I'm dilated and check my vitals. At that point all we wanted to hear is that the baby was OK. They hooked me up to the monitor and there was her heartbeat loud and strong. We were relieved. Tommy then requested for the nurse to turn the volume up loud as possible, she obliged and right then I could see my husband breath in deep. The sound of her heartbeat was his sanity at that very moment....and mine too. 

We waited for our doctor to arrive and when she did she basically told us all the tests were fine and that the baby was doing wonderful. They were not exactly sure why I was bleeding because I was not dilated and they do not believe my fibroids ruptured. She said maybe it was my cervix but again they were not sure. So me being me I said well since the baby is OK and I'm not dilated is there any chance I can come back later because I have a hair appointment?! (Insert blank stare from my doctor here).  Before she could answer my husband was like "Star, Really!?  I said whatttttttttttt she said everything was OK! You see I had planned to have my photographers document this special day and I didn't want to look like S#%t!!! My doctor told me that since they didn't really know why I was bleeding that they felt they should go ahead and take her today. My world just started speeding up and I could not comprehend this happening outside of my plan.  By this time it was 9:30am and they wanted to get me on the schedule for today. I told my husband to go home and get my mom's picture, our bag and the baby's bag etc.  He and my dad left and within 20 minutes the doctor came back in and said we are putting you down for 11am! I was shocked it was so soon! Mentally and (appearance-wise) I was not ready at all. I called my husband and told him he had less than an hour to make it back. He nearly killed my dad in process as they packed up and sped back to the hospital.

Shortly after they told me I was set for 11am the anesthesiologist came in and started prepping me for my epidural. OMG I was SO scared!!! He chatted with me and told me step by step what was going to happen. He was very comforting but I was still  Bend forward and try not to move.....and it starts. I felt exactly what he described and it was over before I knew it.

As I'm waiting my cousin said I know you're disappointed that you didn't make your appointments but at least I can do your make-up! As soon as I said "sure that will help", the doctor walked in and said it was time to go back for prepping.....UGHHHHH WHY LORD!!!!!  So back I go with no
make-up, unmanicured fingers, unpedicured toes and hair
Lord I could have just died on the spot.

As I was rolled back the meds started kicking in and I was in and out. I recall the doctor saying daddy has arrived, he's in the parking lot.  I then saw Tommy come in with all his scrub gear on and it was show-time. The curtain went up, the nurse gave me more drugs in my IV, Tommy was holding my hand and then the smell hit me. My doctor said you'll feel pressure and blah blah blah.  Before I knew it I heard her cry and I asked was she OK. They said yes and she's beautiful. I saw her for a second and then they took her because she'd swallowed amniotic fluid. After that I was in and out while the examined my insides and stitched me back up. I do not remember much except my husband at one point saying "babe I just saw your uterus".

I had our daughter at 9:37am and did not see her again until around 5:00pm. It was still surreal that I even had her so waiting for hours upon hours to hold her was very hard. I knew she was OK because my husband went down to the nursery every half hour. He showed me pictures to help me get through the day. I was finally moved to the room we'd stay in until our departure three days later and that room is where I first held my princess. I can not begin to explain to you the emotion I had when they brought her to me. The nurse was trying to explain then get me to demonstrate suctioning her mouth and nose. I couldn't do it, I just kept my eyes glued on her. My husband did the demonstration and I told the nurse I'd do it later. Then came the moment I had been waiting for....they finally handed me my baby. My heart just exploded upon touching her. I held her face up to mine and I just closed my eyes and breathed her in. Her scent was just intoxicating to me and it literally filled my heart up. Tears fell from my eyes and they seem to continue forever......
She was finally here, finally!!!! After 4 years, 2 surgeries, 2 IUIs, countless drugs and 1 IVF!!

So without further ado here's the "birth" day of our daughter Avery-Harper. Oh and please brace yourself for my appearance!


A VERY SPECIAL THANKS TO OUR WONDERFUL PHOTOGRAPHERS MIKE AND REJANA KRAUSE OF BLUDOOR STUDIOS!!!!!! (They have been with us from our engagement pics, wedding pics, maternity pics and now the birth of our first child!)
Sometime during the wait to be put on the C-section schedule, I sent a text to my photographers (a husband/wife team) to tell them I'm having the baby early. They are very popular in DFW so I didn't think they'd be able to make it on such short notice. However, before I could finish explaining Rejana text back that Mike was on his way.  Later Tommy told me that Mike was there when he arrived back to the hospital. Mike then stayed with us the entire day waiting for the baby to be reunited with me. He literally stayed at the hospital about 8 hours!!! As much as I loathe the way I looked on her "birth" day, I will be forever grateful to have these pictures. Thank you so much BluDoor Studios!



March 27, 2013


A little late I know but life has been a whirl wind this past month. I'll post a proper "Baby Story" later but for now I just wanted to update you all. Our daughter decided to make her debut 3 days early on 2/26/13 and I was not ready!!! However everything worked out and she was born healthy and happy. We are over-joyed and totally blessed. Please allow me to introduce you all to our sweet princess, Avery-Harper. (First name is hyphenated and pronounced as written)

February 24, 2013

It's official! I'm in HELL!

The most horrifying thing happened to me on Friday! I'm out shopping trying on new pjs to take to the hospital.  I'm looking in the mirror and I feel something strange. It kind of felt like a paper cut or scrap just something on my skin on my lower abdomen that was bothering me. So I hoist my tummy up and there staring back at me are the beginning of.....dare I say it, STRETCH MARKS!!!!!! WTF! Are you kidding me!!! One week before I'm due to deliver this child of mine I start to get stretch marks! OMG I almost fainted right there in the dressing room. I was just like Lord is this a joke?!?! I've gained no weight during this pregnancy, I've been constantly losing weight...a pound here, 1/2 a pound there and I'm at the end of the game then the ball drops! Why Lord whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I know I may be over-reacting but I was so happy that this pregnancy hadn't taken a toll on my body. I thought I was going to get away scott-free.

Now don't get me wrong they aren't horrible. They are very very very small. Almost like tiny lightning bolts, probably no bigger than your fingernail bed (for now anyways). They are red and sporadically placed at the very bottom of my abdomen. They aren't deep at all so I'm sure they will fade once her chunky butt is delivered and my body is mine again.  At least that's what I'm praying for.

February 18, 2013

Things I'll remember about this pregnancy

I can not believe I can say that I'll be a mom next week!!! The time is almost here! In a mere 10 days I will be holding my daughter in my arms! It's so surreal! I'm ready though! I'm so uncomfortable. It's hard to breathe and my back is always hurting. My pregnancy has been a good one though. This last month has been a bit much but besides that I can not complain.

Things I've experienced during my first pregnancy:
1. I was constantly tinkling!!! Not just normal tinkling but I mean "going" while I'm "going" and when I stopped "going" I'd start to "go" again!!! So crazy!
2. My lack of appetite and how quickly I became full. I mean that is one thing I wouldn't mind continuing b/c I ate WAYYYYYY more when I  wasn't pregnant!
3. My lack of energy! Geezus I think this was by far the hardest thing for me b/c I'm such a
"get-up-and-go" girl. I've never taken so many naps and been so physically spent in my life. It made me feel so unproductive and lazy. Baking a baby is harddddddddd work!
4. The pressure from a big belly!!! Just having this bowling ball sitting right on my abdomen is brutal!! I feel so heavy and huge!
5. The constant "grunting"! Every time I move or turn I'm just grunting and moaning! lol
6. I really didn't have any crazy cravings. Just my normal stuff. I craved fried catfish for like 2-3 weeks straight in the very beginning of my pregnancy. Besides that cravings have been very sporadic.
7. The nesting!!! OMG!!! I'm a natural nester but I was never to worried about her nursery b/c we did a niche remodel in our room for her bassinet. I knew she'd be there for 4-6 months at least so the nursery wasn't a priority. All of a sudden in my last trimester around the 8th month nothing mattered but the starting and completing the nursery!!!!! It was just an overhaul b/c I started buying everything! All these things that she probably won't use for a very long time. Ow vey!
8. The decision to give up my beloved Roman. I know the issue stemmed from being pregnant. Even though I was displeased with a lot of pet issues before I still managed. Then once I thought about those issues coupled with my daughter's presence in the home, it was a no brainer. I still miss him and think about him often. I still cry when I look at his pictures but I think I made the best decision for all of us.
9. I wasn't as emotional during the pregnancy as I thought I'd be. I didn't cry at sonograms or gush over baby clothes and items. I think b/c I was so afraid that something would happen that I had my guard up really until around my 8th month.
10. The constant gas! Lord I feel like I'm always belching! So unladylike! Oh and the heartburn goes hand and hand! If the old wivestale is true then this child has not only a head full of hair but a freaking afro!!
11. The EXCESSIVE hair growth!!! Not just on my head but everywhere!!! My stomach, my legs! Ugh it'a just unbelievable and it doesn't help when your husband refers to you a Chubaka!
12. The feeling of having her inside of me is amazing. I touch my tummy all day long. Seeing my tummy wave as she moves and thumps around in there is just extraordinary. I can not wait to see her face and hold her but I'll definitely miss "our time" on the inside.

All these things and I'm sure there's more that I can't remember right now but this experience has been pleasant. I was so worried about weight gain and stretch marks and I didn't have an issue with either. I've pretty much lost weight during this entire pregnancy and not a stretch mark in sight! I'm looking forward to being smaller than I was pre-pregnancy! I think with all the drugs out of my system the weight is just melting off. Oh another thing I LOVE is how people tell me "I'm all baby"!!! I really am all baby and I'm so blessed by that!!! Thank you Jesus!

February 4, 2013

It's real now...

What a difference a couple of weeks make!!!! I've been pregnant for a little over 8 months now and even though I've seen physical changes in my tummy and I feel my daughter I still had my guard up.
I was still afraid something bad would happen during my pregnancy. The whole experience was just surreal. Up until January 21st I had not purchased not one thing for my daughter, however on that date I finally ordered her crib. We had our last sono on January 24th and after that appointment when we came home we both had a different prospective. I think that day we both let our guard down and let the fear subside. It was like we had been holding breath this entire pregnancy. That day we spoke about our fears and how we now both felt confident that everything was OK. We hadn't spoke to one another before about our fears in depth. I think we both just didn't want to show our worry to the other.

So basically after that appointment it all changed. I started nesting hardcore!! I ordered her dresser and bookshelves. I just started getting everything together. I even started on my first piece for her to go over her crib.

Yesterday my hubby and I went shopping for her for the first time. We had a lot of items to exchange from all of our baby showers. So we picked out little outfits for her and we were just in the moment. It was was calm. I know this may sound funny because I'm due to give birth in 24 days but this journey to get here made me so uptight I think. We didn't announce to my family until I was 4 months pregnant and we didn't announce it to the masses until I was over 5 months. Here we are at 8 months and we've just started buying things for her and getting her nursery ready. We've basically just started breathing......and it's nice.

Since the last doctor appointment I've been going in her room everyday and night and just folding and re-folding her clothes for no reason b/c I still have to wash them. I've just been looking at her surrounding and where she'll eventually be and it's nice. I even cleaned my washer out this evening with my hubby's help and then I ran a baking soda/vinegar cycle in preparation through the washer before I washed her things. I decided to wash her crib sheet and boppy cover for starters tonight. It was so funny because I was smiling while I was putting them in the washer. It's the little things I guess---I'm just excited and yes I've been excited but it's different now. I'm about to be a MOM!!!!!

January 24, 2013

Maternity Pics

Taken 1/6/13 at one of the locations where we took our engagement photos. Here we are 5 years of marriage later. In love and expecting our first child with our nephew Keyshawn two weeks before he turned 6!! It was a beautiful experience for all of us. God is AWESOME.

January 23, 2013

Random Bump Pics

January 3, 2013
30 weeks and 6 days

January 16, 2013
32 weeks and 5 days

January  22, 2013
33 weeks and 4 days

January 18, 2013

Some days you must cry...a lot.

Six weeks from today our baby girl is supposed to be born. I'm excited, nervous and a bit weepy. I've been weepy since this morning. Maybe it the hormones who knows.....

I have my first baby shower tomorrow in Houston with my husband's family and some of my family from Beaumont. I should be excited but all I can think is "wow my mom will not be there".
My best friend is throwing me a shower the following Saturday on the 26th and my mom will not be there either. The very next weekend on Feb 2nd my cousins are throwing me a shower and once again my mom will not be there either. I already know it's going to make me emotional because right now she'd be over moon with excitement. As much as I'm thankful for my family and friends it's just so bittersweet. I can't believe she is not here even though I live her absence everyday, I see the constant reminders, pictures, expressions. I answer the same questions from my nephew. He already knows the answers but I feel like he thinks if he asks them enough maybe I'll say something different. I want to say something different.  Especially when he asks "is granny coming back",  I want to yes but I can't. I try not to be sad during these inquiries because I don't want him to be sad.

Today I gave my nephew a birthday party in his classroom because he turns six on Sunday. He was so excited to see me. I know if my mom were here she would have been right there with me. This Sunday when we return from Houston I'm picking up my nephew from his mom's and we are having a party at Chuck e Cheese.  Why Chuck e Cheese because that's where he wants to go. Out of all the super cool places I've taken him to he wants to go to Chuck e Cheese. I don't question it because I know why he wants to go.... that's one of the last places he went with my mom. He tells me about it all the time. He knows exactly which Chuck e Cheese it was but most importantly he knows that she was there. So as long as he wants to go, I will take him.

I have so many pictures of Key and my mom. It saddens me that I will never have any of my mom and my child(ren). In the words of my bestie.....I can tell my child "my oh my she would have enjoyed you". I would have enjoyed that sight. My mom holding my child, smelling her neck and head, you know just breathing her in like she was intoxicating. Dressing her up like a doll and doing her hair. She would have been so proud. Sometimes I wonder did I have to lose my mom to gain my child? Did I only get the courage to pursue this finally because she passed away? Why didn't I do this three years ago when my mom was here?

I just have a hole in my heart and there are days like today that I just fall into it. Maybe because it makes me feel closer to her. Maybe because I allow myself to miss her openly. I try so hard to be positive for my baby because I don't want her to feel my grief. I want to protect her because it's my job, because I'm her mother. However there are times where I just want my mother. I just want to talk to her, to see her face, hear her laugh. I just want any day before April 19, 2011.

January 10, 2013

Today's Appointment

What a crazy doctor appointment I had today--
First of all this was the first appointment that my husband missed. My best friend was also suppose to go but she had to do something with her mom. So off I went on my doctor's appointment alone. I get there and I wait about 15 minutes. Once I was called to the back the sono-tech asked me why I was having another sono. I said I don't know it's just what I was told. She determined I didn't need one which pissed me off because I was looking forward to seeing my daughter today. She took me back to the waiting room because a examination room was not available yet. So I go back out and I wait until my regular nurse comes to get me. She asks me how I was doing and I told her I was annoyed because I was expecting a sono but the technician decided I didn't need one!  So she went to get my OB and she immediately came in and said OK let me fix the issue. She told the tech to give me a sono immediately so I was able to see my princess. She was doing fine! She had her arms crossed over her face as if she was blocking out light. Eventually she moved them and I was able to see her little face. She was yawning and wiggling around. I think this is the first time that I got a good look at her face. It was only for a split second but it was precious. The sono was quick just to make sure my fibroids were still small and the baby had plenty of room.

After that I went back into the examination room with a better attitude! My vitals were checked and everything was good including my blood pressure. The drama started when my doctor was listening for the baby's heartbeat. She found it but it was really fast, kind of skipping and slightly muffled. That worried me a bit but I tried not to panic. My doctor decided it was better to be safe so she ordered me to be monitored. They took me to another room and hooked me up to a monitor to make sure her heartbeat was alright. I text my husband and bestie to let them know what was going on. They both were like of all days for something odd to occur and you're alone. I assured them I was fine and I just went through the process. It took about 25 minutes and every time she moved I was suppose to press a button. Everything ended up being fine but I was pretty close to tears at the beginning. Just the thought of something being wrong freaked me out. It turns out that her heart rate was normal but because she was moving so much it kept spiking up really high and muffling.

I basically went from being slightly blue that I had to go to my appt alone, to pissed because I didn't think I was going to get my sono to frightened when I thought the baby's heartbeat was irregular! After almost two hours at the doctor's I was exhausted, both physically and mentally!

My next appointment is on the 24th and after this next appointment I will be going in every week! The finish line is fast approaching! I can not wait to see her face and hold her in my arms!

January 3, 2013

Bump Pics

Christmas Day 12/25/12
29 weeks and 4 days

Christmas Day 12/25/12
29 weeks and 4 days

That side view is serious
Christmas Day 12/25/12
29 weeks and 4 days

Happy New Year 2013!!!
30 weeks and 3 days

Happy New Year 2013!!!
30 weeks and 3 days
(we forgot the guy hats! lol)

Updates on Baby-

Well I'm currently 30 weeks and 6 days.  We had a sono/growth appointment last Thursday and baby girl weighed in at 3.5lbs!! All her vitals were good as well as her measurements. She wasn't really up for pictures as her face was buried in the bottom of my stomach and she wasn't moving it for us. It looked as if she had a lot of hair floating in there with her according to my doctor. Heartbeat was great also.

They moved me up to coming every two weeks which is exciting. I just can't believe how fast everything is moving. I have scheduled some prenatal visits with potential pediatricians for next week and we'll start our parenting classes in the next couple of weeks.

She is moving a lot and the movements are getting more powerful. I just look at my tummy in amazement because it's still so surreal. My stomach is definitely seems to be getting larger and I hear
that the baby will be gaining more weight toward the end. I'm kind of nervous about where that'll leave me in the weight department but as long as she is doing well that's all that matters.

We have three baby showers set for Jan 19, Jan 26 and Feb 2. After that we will know exactly what we need to buy because we've bought absolutely nothing!!! I finally decided on a design for her room and which room she'll be in so that's a start. She will be in our room for a while in the niche we had created for her. So all we need to start is her bassinet and a dresser for her clothing. I'll get to the actual nursery soon I hope but if I don't it's OK since she will not be utilizing it anyway. I had to come to terms that I was doing the nursery more for me than her because she will be fine for months and months in our room.

My next appointment is next Thursday at 2:00pm and I can't wait to see her. I just hope she is a little more cooperative this next go round. I was thinking about doing a 3D sono next week but I think I may wait till the following appointment. The further along the better I'm thinking because I really want to be able to see her. I'm absolutely horrible with sonograms and the pics they give me are pointless. I'm not visual like that so I need a really good picture.

Can't wait to meet our little princess!

January 2, 2013

Roman in pictures

It's been a week and three days since Roman has been gone and it's been really hard for me. However I still think it was the best thing for us all. My nephew did very well when we dropped him off. He bought into everything I said about him going to a better home with a play-mate. Now me on the other hand I bawled horribly and thought I was going to hyper-ventilate. It was SO hard for me. The family (who also works for the Dane Assc.) was great and had their own dane for Roman to play with as well. I'll always have a slight sting in my heart when I think of him. I wish things could have been different because he really was a wonderful dog. I pray he finds his "furever" home and that they can give him more than what I could even though I loved him to pieces and spoiled him rotten. I just hope his new home has more time to take him to parks, lakes etc. b/c he deserves so much more than I could give. He was truly the best dog I ever had and I will miss him dearly. I;ll always love you Roman
First time Roman and Key met. We thought Key would be horrified but he loved him right away and Roman loved him right back.

Sitting by the window looking all regal

Key and Roman hanging out on the porch

Roman giving me those loving eyes in hopes for another treat.

New Years Eve 2011. He had a wild night and was tuckered out!

Snuggling daddy's feet after he returned from a business trip.

2011 Roman's Christmas presents under the tree
Key and Roman on 12/23/12 right before we took him to his new home

Key and Roman on 12/23/12 right before we took him to his new home

Key and Roman on 12/23/12 right before we took him to his new home