April 30, 2010

Thank You Jesus and Miley Cyrus!

Most of you from BBC know that I started running this year and was training myself for my first 5K on April 11th. I was doing very well and reached my goal well before my race day. However, it was unfortunate that I had to have my lap procedure the Friday before I was to run. I even asked my doctor if I could walk it but my husband shot that down real quick (Hater! lol). Needless to say I missed my first run and yesterday was my first day back in the trenches!

I went home at 3:00 feeling quite bubbly and I was like today's the day!! So I threw on my gym clothes, grabbed my water and towel then headed out the door. I must say I was really feeling myself! Ha! This will be a piece of cake-I mean it's only been 2 weeks since I ran and that 5K was becoming pretty easy to me. I walked into the gym feeling quite cocky!! Did a few stretches and punched in my settings and I was off! My legs were a bit stiff at first and then I turned up my iPod to my running music and I was all over it! 1K BAM! 2K BAM! 3K UMMMMM DAMN (head cocked to the side)!!!! I was seriously talking to Jesus from 3K on! It was BRUTAL! I was also doing sprints so I would take it down to a moderate jogging pace then crank that sucker up to where it looked like I was running from the cops or something! I was winded and panting but I made it by the skin of my azz!

I'm normally blasting rap and rock in my ears for running and then I finish off with The Climb by Miley Cyrus when I need that extra push! After I finally made it to 3K it was nothing but Miley and Jesus the rest of the way. I probably listened to that teenie bopper 8 times in a row! All and all my first day back was a success. I completed the 5K running the entire way but it was NOT pretty people! It was touch and go there for a while but I'd like to thank Jesus and Miley Cyrus for getting me through.

You guys ROCK!!!

April 29, 2010

Yummmmmmm! Hey baby-how YOU doin!

So I have been re-vamping my wardrobe with some higher-end pieces because I felt it was NEEDED....yeah I said it NEEDED (eyebrow raised)! The shirt-dress below in the center I found at Neimans by VINCE. It is a metallic color also (a little lighter though) and fits me like a glove honey!!! It was a reasonable price I thought so I bought it. Now I don't make a habit of buying really expensive pieces because my husband would absolutely die! SMH---however sometimes you have to incorporate some HOT DAMN in your wardrobe every now and again. This piece can worn alone as a dress or I can wear it as a tunic with skinny pants and some SWEET AZZ heels! It's a winner all the way around! Oh and how hot are those shoes?!

Now below these are some very feminine pieces! (note the make-up **smokey eye and light lip**) There is nothing like a cinched waist. I personally have always been a fan of the pencil skirt and to have one with ruching is totally chic in my opinion. HOT HOT HOT!

This is just a notable for the motorcycle jacket. It just keeps coming back doesn't it? Gasp! However I found a wonderful pewter colored lambskin motorcycle jacket by VINCE that is fabulous! So fabulous in fact it can be worn during virtually all four seasons. It's very light-weight and a definite statement piece!


If you can buy these jackets during the "off-season" it will save you tons of
moo-lah ladies!!

A prayer for my brother...

I have a 28 year old brother and he has been in and out of jail since he was 17. We don't know why-he was brought up in a good home in the suburbs by my mom and my wonderful step-dad. I don't know if it was because his dad wasn't around or what, but he rebelled against my step-dad's role in his life. When fathers are not physically in their kids lives; when and if they decide to pop back up they assume the role as "friend" instead of parent. They just want to be cool I guess in hopes that you will forget how they screwed you over when you really needed them. At 17 he went to live with his biological dad who did just that and it went south from there. Long story short-he stole a car and then got spooked by the cops and it turned into a chase. He was sentenced to a year in jail and 10 years probation. That was his first offense and he just never stayed on a good path after that. He is truly a good person and has a good heart he just made some very bad and very DUMB decisions.

My brother has been in jail this time for almost 3 1/2 yrs. During that time his son was born who is the splitting image of him as a child. He gets out of jail and off probation in 18 days!!!!!! We have become very close---closer than we were when he initially went in. I understood why we had distance and so did he but now we are hoping to get back to the relationship we had as youths. When my mom divorced his dad my brother was in kindergarten and I was in the 3rd or 4th grade. My mom worked two jobs to support us when she was a single mom. So it was just me and him most of the time. I taught him how to swim, ride a bike, skate and even fight! We were all we had back then so we were thick as thieves.

I still see him as the little boy that got in trouble when he was just 17. Sometimes I even see him as the 4 yr old that would knock on my bedroom door when he was afraid at night. He'd be standing there in his pajamas with the feet in them asking if he could sleep with me. It became a nightly thing and even at 8 yrs old I knew that this 4 year old felt safe with me. The same security I gave my little brother back then is what I'm now giving to his 3 yr old son. That amazes me! I want so much more for my brother and I truly hope he wants it for his self. Most people talk a pretty good game when they have time to sit and think but his actions will speak the truth once he is home.

This has been 10 long years of back and forward-- in and out of jail and it is too much stress on us. Funny how other people do the crime but the family also ends up paying.

I love my brother and he will forever be the little boy I used to protect and teach.

My prayer for you~

I pray that you come home mentally stronger than when you left
I pray that you are a good father and show your son a better way than you were shown
I pray that you do not get discouraged because there are a lot of obstacles ahead
I pray that you put your family first and become the man we know you can be
I pray that you listen and allow God to watch over you and your decisions in life
I pray that your son doesn't have to grow up without you in his
I pray for you because I love you and I want you to succeed
I pray for you because you're my brother...

You're my longest relationship (besides mom). We have shared a life together and it used to be really good. I miss the days of matching pajamas and co-sleeping on Christmas eve and vowing whomever woke up first would wake up the other. I hope we leave this world with the same closeness that we had in our youth. I love you brother and I'm rooting for you so I hope you're rooting for yourself.

April 28, 2010

What started as a "not-so-great" day ended up FABULOUS

Yesterday I came to work feeling a bit heavy about this whole infertility obstacle. One of my colleagues came in the office and we were talking and before I knew I was bawling. Sometimes this ride just really gets the best of me and it takes my breathe away. I feel vulnerable, helpless and guilty. I feel like my husband has to suffer b/c of defects within me and if he never became a father it will be solely my fault. I know my husband loves me and he has told me countless time that children are the icing on our cake but if it doesn't happen we'll still have a wonderful life. I believe him I really do but I also see how he lights up when he is with children. It's meant for him and if I can't give it to him it would kill me. I made it through my "moment" and moved on with my day. When I got home I was feeling a little under the weather so I decided I needed a small nap. Well 2 hours later I was knocked out and my husband who was suppose to be working late was knocking at the door (b/c I dead-bolted it). I got the door and was like what are you doing here babe-he said he just decided to come home early. So we sat around a bit and then he opened up a left-over fortune cookie and inside it said something like "someone is going to bring you joy today". He was like read this-blah blah and I said whoaaaaaaaa cool! He pointed at hisself and said that someone is me-I'm going to bring you joy. I just giggled and continued trying to get back to my nap.

Then he goes to the bedroom and comes back and says come on get dressed. I was whining because again I was not feeling that great but I submitted. I walked into the bedroom and he had our Mavs shirts and hats on the bed. I was like ummmmmm what's that about and he said we are going to the plaza to watch the game. The plaza is an outdoor area right outside the AAC we had actually went on Sunday to watch with friends there. Since I wasn't feeling good I was so NOT in the mood for the plaza. Ohhhhhhhh but that was not the case!!



The crowd was wild and the energy was well beyond a regular season game. We won 103-81 maintaining about a 20 point lead through the 3rd and 4th quarter. It was a great experience. I was so happy and just thrilled to be there with my wonderful husband. He had no idea how my morning went but he sure managed unknowingly to turn my day around. It was a wonderful ending to a not so great day!!

April 26, 2010

Post-Op Appointment

I just had my post-op appointment from my Laparoscopy surgery. It was meant to be a brief follow-up but I got in a few questions about IVF. I first saw my super-gross pics from my procedure. No one should see themselves from the inside; it's just not pretty! lol My doctor said my face (scrunched in disgust) was similar to my dad's when he saw the pics day of surgery! Like father like daughter I guess.

He pressed on my abdomen and asked me if I had any pains etc...
He then checked my scars and they are healing nicely. Luckily I had dissolving stitches.

He asked if we'd made a decision on whether or not to have the IVF. My husband answered quickly with "YES that's why we are here, we want a baby"!! Ha! You have to love his candor I guess. I told my doc I will set the appt for the IVF consultation soon, maybe next month. It was a pretty easy breezy appointment but I left feeling very weighted.

I guess I'm worried about the money, the drugs, giving myself shots--just the whole process. What if it doesn't work the first time, the second....the third? I'm a PERFECT IVF candidate--WTH does that mean? I've read how some women from BBC were also the PERFECT candidate but their IVFs failed and so did their FETs. What if that's me?

April 21, 2010

A Suprise for My Love!

I tell ya sometimes I must toot my own horn and today's one of those days!

A little back story: In October of last year our Land Rover was car-jacked. We had just drove into town from visiting with my hubby's family and we hadn't fully un-packed the SUV when my husband went to wash it. No one was hurt (I was home-so I wasn't involved) but once everything cooled down we realized my husband's golf clubs, new golf shoes and all his golf accessories were gone! Now my husband is a wonderful man and very frugal! How he ended up with a diva like myself makes me chuckle because I have NO problem spending money!! Ha! He on the other hand has to be talked into spending money and it still makes him cringe! I buy his clothes because again he will not shop for his self! If I buy him a shirt and he sees the price tag it literally makes him light-headed! With that being said there was no way he was going to replace those clubs any time soon.

So at this point 6 months have passed since the incident and it's spring and the weather is looking fabulous and my dear sweet hubby has no clubs! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr now in my mind I have always wanted to buy my husband new clubs but as time progressed he started building up his previous set so there was no urgency.

Since the car-jacking I have been putting back money so I could replace his stolen clubs and today was the BIG DAY! So I e-mailed one of his golf buddies to tell him the news and to see if he was available to play. He was so stoked for Tommy but leaving town for 6 days. So I went onto Facebook and found a name of another golf buddy who I did not know as well but I needed to get the ball rolling. So I emailed him and explained that I was replacing his clubs and asked was he available to play? He was STOKEDDDDDD and emailed me back seriously within 30 seconds with a HELL YEAH! He set up a tee-time for them because I had no clue how to do that or what course etc... So now I had an accomplice! (insert evil laugh here) Bwhahaaaaaaaaaaa! Due to the weather the tee-time moved from Saturday to Thursday then to Wednesday!! Oh weather fairy why did you hate thee!?? Gasp~
Yikes! That gave me that evening to get it done because it was already Tuesday!!!

Now I had to trick my husband into leaving the office for a few hours because he was going to work late to stay on top of the new night-shift. I also needed to trick him into taking the next day off. So I called (here's the conversation)

(Me)"Babe can you come home for a few hours I want to spend some time with you"?

(He) "Okkkkkkkk what's going on"?

(Me) " Nothing babe I just want to see you"

(He) " (suspiciously) Ummmm hmmmmm alright, what time?"

(Me) " I guess be here by the time I get off so we can avoid traffic"

(He) " OK is there anything else" (in his smart azz tone)

(Me) "Well since you mentioned it (in my smart-ER azz tone) can you take off during the day tmrw? I need you to do something with me.

(He) "Ok, but are you going to tell me what's going on"???????? (w/ a slightly aggravated tone)

(Me) "Ummmm No see you in a few" (with a spoiled brat- I always get my way tone)

So I get home at 3:00 and he was already there and on the couch. It shocked me b/c I didn't have my "lie" together yet. As soon as he saw me he's like "what's up, where are we going"????? I just told him to stop asking questions and I'd tell him after I got dressed. I started changing (b/c yes surprises require wardrobe changes-hee hee) and sent him to pull the truck around and told him I'd meet him in the front. I finished primping and on my way down in the elevator I called my cousin and told her to call me in 10 minutes. She wanted to know why of course and I'm like dudeeeeeeeeeee I don't have time to tell you. I'm trying to surprise Tommy and I just need you to call in 10 minutes. I'll be rambling in your ear so just go with it. She obliged of course because she ROCKS!!

I get in the truck and I tell the hubs to head toward the Galleria. My cousin calls right on time as we are approaching the area and I say her name purposely and ramble a bit "oh your running late-well OK we will just kill some time blah blah blah." So he says we are meeting your cousin? I said yes and her boyfriend for an early dinner and he was like why didn't you tell me I said I just wanted to surprise you with something different mid-week. He was like oh ok cool. I said they are running late though so let's go into some stores. Welllllllll it just so happened we were in that exact same area on Saturday and we had already looked at the stores so he didn't want to do that. I said well let's look in Pier One (which i do not like therefore didn't go into that previous Saturday) b/c I heard they have a new buyer (yep off the top of my head). He bought it..hook..line and sinker baby! Woot!

So we look around Pier One and my mind is racing as to how I'm going to get him over to the sporting goods store that we were just in on Saturday without tipping him off. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks BAM! Running shoes-Sweet! (We had started running a few months ago so we wanted to get new running shoes before we did our first 5K outside). So I say hey babe when we were in Dick's we forgot to look at the running shoes. I think we still have time and he was like oh yeah I meant to look Saturday but forgot. So we walk down the side walk, into the store and head straight to running shoes. We browse for a while and then I say we'd better go they are probably here now. We started making our way to the front of the store and we walk pass the golf section and I nonchalantly say "I wonder if those clubs you loved are still here"? So we go look and they were of course so he starts foaming at the mouth over the brilliance that is GOLF! Like clock-work the associate comes over and says do you need any help sir? He says no, just looking--then I chime in with "actually he does! He's here to get all new golf clubs"!!! SURPRISEEEEEEEEE!!!

He was stunned, shocked, numb, dumbfounded- you name it- he was it! It was fabulous!!! My husband does not handle surprises well at all (worst surprise receiver EVER! lol) he just doesn't know how to accept them but once the shock blew over he was all over it! He tested drivers, 3-woods, hybrids, etc and used the simulator but wanted to price compare! So we bought a bag, hat and irons and then headed to another golf store for more variety. He again browsed, used simulator and then purchased a driver. After store # 2 we went to eat b/c we were starving! Then off to golf store #3 for more of the same (simulator, lots of browsing, putting, etc). We bought 2 pairs of shoes, golf balls and a putter thingee. Next was on to the fourth and final store (which was also the first store) to get the the last club and a glove. After all was said and done it was a 5 hour shopping spree of whatever he wanted. I was exhausted but very happy for him! It was like Christmas morning for my love. I know nothing about golf so everything he was saying was over my head so I just smiled and nodded. However, it was wonderful to see him enjoy his self and get what he really wanted.

It was also super-cool to be able to tell him I had his golf buddy set up a tee-time for the next day. The day he "thought" he was taking off to spend with me!

My husband works very hard and would never spend a dime unless absolutely necessary so it was very nice to give him his beloved pass-time back. Five hours of shopping, spending LOTS of money and I didn't come back with a single thing for myself! Now that alone says how much I love that man!

O'd to a Laparoscropy

April 9th- The Big Day was finally here! I was very nervous. I do not like being put under anesthesia! UGH

Being a woman I of course had many errands to do before my 12:00 check-in. I headed to the grocery store to buy all my dry items and juices because my husband has a hate-hate relationship with all grocery stores! Then I dropped off some items at the cleaners then off to the most important errand! Pampering! I went to get my nails done, eyebrows and a pedicure. I figured if the nurses were looking around they'd look down at my feet and be impressed because my toe-game was fierceeeeeeeeee! I was rocking OPI's "Your Villa or Mine"!

After getting "prepared" for day I rushed home and my hubby and family were waiting.

I checked into the hospital at noon. I was accompanied by my husband, mom, dad and 3 yr old nephew. I registered, they checked my vitals and I changed into a not so fabulous gown-like frock! UGHHHHH So not couture!

My family was able to come to the back area with me and stay with me until my surgery. My nephew was giving the doctors a show and charming all the nurses! My doc came around 1:20 and then came the anesthesiologist dude. They explained everything to me and asked me a million questions. As soon as he gave me the meds I kissed my family and I remember him rolling me away and asking where I lived and I don't think I answered before I was out like a light.

After that I remember waking up with two nurses at my bedside...I was so groggy. I loathe coming to from anesthesia! It's horrid. You just feel so out of it. They asked me if I wanted juice I said yes--they asked me if I wanted my husband Tommy-I said yes. He appeared in what seemed like 15 seconds. They gave me some crackers and then asked if I wanted my parents and my nephew to come in. I said yes. They all came in and I rested about 20 more minutes and then they got me dressed and wheeled me out.

I still didn't know what happened or what they found because my husband wanted to tell me when we got home. Plus I was still drugged and wouldn't have retained it anyway. I got home and it was hard getting comfortable. I had a incision right under my navel and two right above my bikini line on either side where the camera and instruments were inserted. So I needed help sitting and getting up. It was funny because my nephew noticed everyone helping me and he came over and said "I got it" -"I'll help aunnie"! He is so freaking cute and sweet. He even led me to the bathroom and wanted to help me sit down!

So after being home about an hour in a half--Tommy muted the TV and told me what happened.

So my surgery that should have taken about 30-45 minutes or so ended up taking 2 hours. When they went in they found a pretty bad scene. I had scar tissue covering everything. It was so much scar tissue and so heavy that it pushed everything down. My right tube (the oddly formed one) was dilated and filled with dangerous fluid. It was useless so they disconnected it. The left tube was in good shape but the scar tissue had moved it down so it is really a slim chance getting pregnant naturally unless the egg drops really low. The scar tissue even covered my appendix-to the point where it shifted so far down had I had appendix issues they would have never thought it was my appendix due to the location so it would have erupted. Ummm yeah scary! It was basically just a war zone in there. Scar tissue was "wrapped" around everything. He said it could have been from a infection maybe long ago since it was so much and so thick.

So they removed all the scar tissue, disconnected the right tube, repositioned the left as much as they could and relocated my appendix. They took pics which they showed my family and they are in my file so I will see them when I go in for my post-op on April 26th. Oh and I had no endometriosis at all.

Basically getting pregnant naturally is a pretty slim chance since I only have one tube now and that tube is located much lower than normal but we will still try naturally.

However, the doc said I am a PERFECT candidate for IVF. He said there is no need to do Clomid and IUI cycles because it will basically be a waste of money. So he said just to save for the IVF and we can do it as soon as we are ready. I'm expecting to get the IVF in at the end of June or early July.

Funny how all these things can be going on inside your body and you have no clue. I never had pains or anything. That's really scary but all is well now. I'm on the road to recovery and the best thing is I have some answers. My husband is thrilled and VERY optimistic he is just happy to have the answers and now every month we are not holding our breath.

I can't lie I was a little bummed because I was hoping that yes I'd have scar tissue and they would remove it and then we could get pregnant naturally or with an IUI cycle. I feel disappointed that I did not listen to my doc last year. I let the fear get the best of me and basically wasted another year. Gosh procrastination is never a good thing. Hind sight is always 20/20 though isn't it?


After Tommy and I were married we decided to wait a year or two before trying to conceive so we could just enjoy marriage.

I was 28 when we met and 30 by the time we were married; definitely in no rush to be a mom. Basically I just wanted to enjoy my new husband and travel A LOT! All of a sudden (I'd say within our first 5 months of marriage) I just kept hearing about all these people having fertility problems and unexpected obstacles. I would say at least 5-6 different stories I heard directly---some people I didn't know well--some I knew in general social settings--some were friends of friends. I would even turn on the television and there would be a documentary or something about infertility. I thought is this a sign????

The straw that broke the camel's back was....One day I was leaving my office and a lady (about 2-3 yrs younger than me) that I knew in passing -she worked at another firm down the hall. She came out to catch the elevator at the same time I did and I said heyyyyyyyy Mel!!! She was carrying a box--so me being me-I just blurted "what's in the box"--she kind of looked at me...taken back a bit..then that look turned a bit sad. Her eyes wailed up a bit and she said she'd had that box at work all day (because it was delivered there) and no one had asked her what was in it...the box contained fertility injectables. Come to find out she had been trying for almost 2 yrs---we talked in the hallway for what seemed like forever while she poured her heart out to me. It broke my heart to see her (someone I really didn't know) in so much emotional pain, it got my mind racing!!(On a good note she had a wonderful baby girl about a year ago and she is lovely).

That was in April of 2008--I went home that day and told my husband I was ready to start a family....(it's like God was throwing me all these hints that it may not be as easy as I thought)

I took my last birth control pill on April 12, 2008 just expecting to get pregnant-it never happened--a yr later we went to the fertility doctor (April 2009). My husband had his "boys" tested and he was just fine. I had numerous testing done and all the plumbing worked fine--I ovulate on my own, I'm regular every month on my cycle, I create my own follicles, release my own eggs etc...

I had HSG (dye test to see if my tubes were open or blocked), blood work and all. HSG found I have a oddly-formed fallopian tube on the right side-it wasn't blocked because some ink did seep through but it was not ideal. Otherwise everything seemed great internally from what they could see via x-ray/sonograms.

Did a natural cycle in April and took a HCG shot which insures that the egg releases)
Did my 1st round of Clomid in May (no HCG shot)
Totally Natural Cycle in June
Took a break in July from the fertility doc all together (it was just too emotional).
Went back to the fertility doc in October. Did Clomid again 50MG (no HCG Shot). Not pregnant :-(
For the November cycle I deciding to incorporate an IUI so I took Clomid 100MG CD 3-7and HCG shot. Then had my first IUI on December 1, 2009- found out 13 days later-It failed.

I went back to my doctor on December 15th and the doctor said I had a small cyst on the ride side 2.5 inches in diameter. He said it would dissolve on its own but the meds may aggravate it so to do a natural cycle this time. I did the natural cycle and decided to do it for a few cycles. I just thought maybe drugs do not work for me and I needed to simplify things. Ummmmmmmm No! I did natural cycles from Dec-March and still did not pregnant.

The dreaded 2 year mark was fast-approaching and I was trying not to freak out. So I decided to go back to the doctor in April for a diagnostic laparoscropy procedure.

The same procedure the doctor suggested I get last year after he saw the x-rays of my HSG procedure. I was sure they wouldn't find much of anything because I've never had pains, weird cycles or anything out of the ordinary. Boy was I in for a surprise!

The Beginning...

I met my husband on-line at the end of January 2006. (Close your mouths please)

He sent me a message and we began e-mailing and talking over the phone over a course of a week. Instant chemistry! He was in Chicago and I was in Dallas. He flew in on Monday of the next week for a business trip. We met for dinner and our love affair began.

He was only suppose to be in town one week and somehow he was able to extend that business trip a total of 3 weeks. When he had to leave for Chicago I dropped him off at the airport and my heart sank. I wondered if it was just a fling and maybe we'd end up losing contact. We still spoke everyday and 4 days after I dropped him at the airport he asked if he could fly me to Chicago. I agreed of course and we had the BEST time. I met his friends, went to his hang-outs and he took me on my first subway ride ever. I just knew this romance was something different. Something wonderful.

Our relationship was a world-wind love affair and it unfolded beautifully.

First contact was January 30, 2006

First Date was February 6, 2006

We were engaged by July 2006

He moved to Dallas in August 2006 and we were married on September 21, 2007.


We have something that I thought was only in fairy-tales and big-screen romances. He has made me change my outlook on life. This man made ME want a family. He is truly the type of man that is a partner.

I know children are a part of most women's dreams but never mine. I've always been a free spirit and un-inhibited. I never wanted to be bonded to any man for life b/c let's face it marriages can come and go but kids now that's forever. That's a real commitment. Once I started feeling "different" about this man I had to figure out the reason I never wanted children. I had to figure out what made me have such a fear of becoming a mother. Once I did, I realized that I loved him more than the fear.