So at approximately 11:20am I got the call stating that our last embryo, our last hope for baby #2 did not survive the thawing. The call was very surreal. From what I can recall the embryologist said that when trying to flush the embryo through the straw it just kind of came apart. She said that can happen which is why we are informed before we start the process. I knew it was a risk. I just wasn't prepared for that call. I mean who would be? I'm totally and utterly devastated but I also know I'm blessed to have my miracle Avery-Harper. However I'm human and I can't pray away my disappointment. I can't stop my tears because I already loved this child. I already had hopes for this bundle. I already had names considered. I already started to imagine my bump and the beauty of experiencing another pregnancy.
So as of now I just sit here drenched in my own tears and missing the baby I never got a chance to meet. I don't really know how to feel because I loved my child already. People who know the infertility journey may understand this easier than others.
It's hard for me to process right now but in due time I will.