November 18, 2014

Nope it wasn't a bad dream

In my bed with no energy. I have all my curtains drawn, I'm still in my pajamas and bathrobe and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I've probably eaten 5 fruit roll-ups so I'm in a semi sugar coma.
(Sigh)......I'm just feeling some kind of way.  I'm still shocked and sad about yesterday's news.  It's still so surreal that everything just stopped so abruptly.  I of course knew of the risks but I didn't even get a chance to try. I didn't get to see if my body would miraculously welcome our embryo and this beautiful baby would start to grow just like our Avery-Harper.  It's so hard to dead a dream that you already started living.  I'm hoping to be in better spirits soon because this is a low low point in my life right now.

I can say this though, my daughter has brighten my outlook majorly and her existence alone helps me cope.  Avery-Harper came home last night from her godmother's and gave me lots of love, hugs and kisses. She must have known I needed it.  Plus I could tell she really missed me and that made me feel great.  I was hoping I'd get out today and try to feel normal but I think I'll try maybe tomorrow.  I'm just not feeling like myself yet.

Praying for peace and healing.  

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