May 17, 2010

3:00am! Why am I up! Gasp~

Don't you hate when your mind just takes over your body when you know you should be sleeping!? Grrrrrrrrrrr

I'm getting on the road (w/ my 3 yr old nephew) in exactly 4 hours to go pick up my brother. I'm nervous, excited, anxious and just plain loopy!

I keep waking up every 30-45 minutes due to very vivid dreams. My mind is already living out the day. I've seen us embrace, drive back home to Dallas, shop, eat....all the things I have planned for the day and/or week. My mind is just too excited to let me rest.

I had been having constant headaches for the last week-probably due to stress and over-analyzing. However, yesterday was the first day I didn't have to take Excedrin Migraine which was such a blessing. I just have so much riding on my brother's return and his transition back into society after 4 yrs. I keeping thinking---please don't fail me Dee, the family, yourself...your son. I remember his face when he started to experience and feel failure from his father. That's something I NEVER want my nephew to go through. I've been protecting him for 3 1/2 years as if I were his mother not just his aunt. I don't know how to be any other way.

Somethings are out of my control and I believe my mind and body is finally realizing that. I can only support my brother but I can't live life for him.

I just gotta breathe...

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