Yesterday I came to work feeling a bit heavy about this whole infertility obstacle. One of my colleagues came in the office and we were talking and before I knew I was bawling. Sometimes this ride just really gets the best of me and it takes my breathe away. I feel vulnerable, helpless and guilty. I feel like my husband has to suffer b/c of defects within me and if he never became a father it will be solely my fault. I know my husband loves me and he has told me countless time that children are the icing on our cake but if it doesn't happen we'll still have a wonderful life. I believe him I really do but I also see how he lights up when he is with children. It's meant for him and if I can't give it to him it would kill me. I made it through my "moment" and moved on with my day. When I got home I was feeling a little under the weather so I decided I needed a small nap. Well 2 hours later I was knocked out and my husband who was suppose to be working late was knocking at the door (b/c I dead-bolted it). I got the door and was like what are you doing here babe-he said he just decided to come home early. So we sat around a bit and then he opened up a left-over fortune cookie and inside it said something like "someone is going to bring you joy today". He was like read this-blah blah and I said whoaaaaaaaa cool! He pointed at hisself and said that someone is me-I'm going to bring you joy. I just giggled and continued trying to get back to my nap.
Then he goes to the bedroom and comes back and says come on get dressed. I was whining because again I was not feeling that great but I submitted. I walked into the bedroom and he had our Mavs shirts and hats on the bed. I was like ummmmmm what's that about and he said we are going to the plaza to watch the game. The plaza is an outdoor area right outside the AAC we had actually went on Sunday to watch with friends there. Since I wasn't feeling good I was so NOT in the mood for the plaza. Ohhhhhhhh but that was not the case!!
TOMMY SURPRISED ME AND TOOK ME TO MY FIRST PLAY-OFF GAME!!! MAVS VS THE SPURS, ROUND ONE- GAME 5!! A GAME THAT THE MAVS HAD TO WIN OR WE WERE OUT OF THE SERIES!!!
WE WERE LIKE 12 ROWS FROM THE FLOOR!!!!! GREAT SEATS…
The crowd was wild and the energy was well beyond a regular season game. We won 103-81 maintaining about a 20 point lead through the 3rd and 4th quarter. It was a great experience. I was so happy and just thrilled to be there with my wonderful husband. He had no idea how my morning went but he sure managed unknowingly to turn my day around. It was a wonderful ending to a not so great day!!
Star - Thanks for sharing your blog, I can't wait to read it all.... first of all, I am way jealous you got to go to the mavs game!!!! I am sorry that you had a rough day yesterday... my situation is reversed with the issues and I am constantly reassuring my hubby that it will be ok... I will not leave him over this and we will be happy. I know it will eventually work out for you guys, but it's hard in the mean time. Chin up!!!
ReplyDeleteThat is soo amazing! What a fabulous ending to what started off as a crappy day! I am so happy you have such a wonderful husband... Its crazy how we sometimes have esp when it comes to our partners. I know when Evangel is having a bad day with out even talking to him, its just a feeling I get. I also knew when he got into the car accident 2years ago that somethng wasn't right with him, it was just a feeling and I'm sure thats what your hubs had with you!
ReplyDeleteStar, I know how it feels to think that you are ruining your husband's chance at becoming a father and it hurts and we DO think these things. But just remember...just like you know that although children would be wonderful, you love your husband most and he IS your life and that is happiness in itself -- he thinks that too about you, and would never "blame" you for anything. You will have your day to hold your little one, I just know it :)
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