Talk about your BAD and DESPERATE days! Gosh I was a freaking emotional maniac yesterday!
I guess I could have just deleted that horrible blog but hey this my journey and one day when I look back on this I want to remember everything. The HIGH HIGHSSSSS AND THE low lowwwwwww!
I came un-glued last night and my husband had a "COME TO JESUS" meeting with me and I needed it. I was lost and becoming more desperate as each minute passed. He said things to me that he said before but this time I believe I really heard him. I listened...I absorbed...I accepted. I released most of the guilt I felt about the whole infertility thing. Honestly I wouldn't love my husband any less if he was the one with the issue. So why couldn't I believe he didn't love me any less, or that he didn't regret marrying someone who was infertile. He married me for ME not to have kids. So after thinking about my life I realized that I LOVE being married and I can't jeopardize our happiness. We are already a "family" just me and him and if children come we'd love it but if they don't we LOVE each other. Frankly, that's all I need.
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We all have bad days, friend. After reading your post and seeing your FB status updates, I definitely threw up some prayers for you. I don't know what all is going on, but I have been in that same space. The last cycle before I got pregnant, I had decided to throw in the towel. We had a contract on our house in suburbia and a were literally about to sign the line on a lease for an apartment in uptown. And then the contract for the house fell through and a week later I found out I was pregnant.
ReplyDeleteI cannot tell you what the right decision is for you, but I pray that you'll find what God has planned for your life.
xoxo
So proud of you!
ReplyDeleteThx ladies!
ReplyDeleteMel I know you know my dear and I'm so happy to hear you are PG with babino #2!!! God is Good!
Sherry--- you know I thank you so much for your words! You were my voice of reason that day! I'm SO much better now!