February 23, 2011

Slide Hug Huh?!

To be married to my husband is wonderful HOWEVERRRRRRRR he can go from being a uber responsible career driven brilliant man to being a 12 year old boy in 2.5 seconds. Lord! He has some major quirks...not serious ones but just silly! They always get my attention whether negative or positive!

He LOVES to cuss but of course can't in a corporate environment so when he gets home what does he do??? Yep you guessed it he curses his ass off (no pawn intended)! For instance he'll be washing the dishes and he'll sing this little ditty that he wrote himself (singing) " Babyyyyyyy why you always got make so many MOTHERF*CKING dishesssssssss. You know I hate doing all these MOTHERF*CKING dishes". Yeah just put that on repeat and run with it.

He re-tells my stories!! UGH it drives me freaking insane!! I can JUST tell a story to a group and he will re-tell it right after me! I mean not even a minute wait time in between! He says I do more of a trailer and he does more of a storyyyyyyyyyy! WTF dude it's my story no one needs you to repeat what I JUST SAID! Dork!

He's a conversation-hog!!! Watching him in a conversation is like watching that dude on the side waiting for his turn in a double-dutch competition (insert mental pic here). He's literally like jumping back and forward waiting..or should I say trying to wait his turn to speak. It's hard to watch I tell ya just painful. He cuts people off, he's long-winded...oh it's so bad. So much to the point where if we are sitting down I squeeze his knee. It's a sign, kinda like "baby shut your freaking pie-hole so people don't think you're an ass"! All said with love mind you..all said with love.

I mean I have a million of them but we'll just move on to the latest thing. The past couple of weeks he has invented this new "annoying" thing he deemed "The Slide Hug". Yeah WTF is right! He puts his crocheted slippers on (his sister made us both a pair for Xmas and there hella comfortable). So he puts on these slippers and he gets a good distance away from me and then he what....he slidessssssssssssss into me then hugs me. Doesn't sound that annoying right but try every time I freaking see this dude. We have hardwoods through-out so I have no safe place to hide. He'll sneak up on me from behind with it or he'll do it with an announcement. I could be washing dishes, vacuuming the floor, cooking, doing laundry just whatever! It doesn't matter what I'm doing or where I am he's coming for me. He does it in his pjs, in his business suit hell he's even done it in the nude! I've opened the door from the bathroom to find him waiting in the hall to slide-hug me! So if you were a fly on the wall you'd hear this at least 5 times a day "DUDE DO NOTTTTTTTTT FREAKING SLIDE HUG ME DAMMIT"! It's to the point where I erupted into laughter the other day b/c I tried to walk down the hall and he was waiting for me. He was standing to the side with his neck cocked as if he was an outlaw in the Old West. I lost it and he did too. I guess telling him I didn't like it made it more appealing...why? B/c he's 12!! So now I guess I have to start liking the slide-hug until he moves on to the next thing.

Ugh what am I going to do with this man? I digress (head down, walking off).

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