April 19th..The day I lost my mom.

I've been trying to write this blog for what seems like a year. The thought of it always sent me into a fit of tears. However, writing is therapeutic and I just have to get through it. I'm going to make this pretty short, shorter than that day was for me.

On Tuesday, April 19, 2011 my mom passed away very unexpectedly. I spoke to her that morning at 8:30am, but I had to cut the conversation really short because I was walking into my office. We chatted like two minutes about Easter and hiding eggs for my nephew. I told her I'd call her back around lunch-time so we could finish up the plans. I never spoke to her again after that. My dad and sister got home about 1:30pm and she was on the couch looked to be napping but she was gone. Her heart just stopped. Nothing disturbed in the home, no struggle, nothing. That was the most devastating day of my life. My mom gone. How could this be she wasn't sick, she was strong and always ready for a party or a day out on the town. My mom and my dad had just went to a jazz festival that Friday, she hung out Saturday with her sisters church on Sunday...just like normal so how could this be?

She was diagnosed with Congested Heart Failure like 10 years ago but she took meds daily and had just had a Dr. appt about 2 weeks before and she was fine. My mom turned 57 on March 1st and was gone from our lives one month and 18 days later.

My mom was so vibrant not sickly at all. Loved her family and was the core of our lives. I regret so many things about that last conversation...I didn't say I love you when we got off the phone and I was rushing her off b/c I had to get to work. I would have told her so many things had I known our time was so limited.

The words "shocked to the core" pale in description when I think of losing my mom. I was not prepared to navigate life without her. I knew she wasn't immortal but I just never thought I'd lose my mom this early in life. She was my longest relationship, my first love so to think she would leave me like that is unbearable. I still cry everyday at some point of the day....not all day but every.single.day.

I pray for strength and understanding b/c I'm angry that she is gone. I know I'll make it through because she raised me to be strong and resilient. Even with that upbringing I'm still human. She was my mom...this is just something I could have never prepared for in a million years.

I don't know what I'm going to do without her. I miss her every.single.day.

Let's Play Catch-Up!

I've been so busy! A lot has transpired but most important is I got a puppy and I LOVE him! My friend referred me to Great Dane Rescue of North Texas. We went through the process, application, phone interview and home visit. We passed with flying colors and we were partially match with a dane-mix named Karson. I say partially b/c since he wasn't a pure-breed Great Dane we were hesitate as were they but his temperament matched our lifestyle flawlessly. We set a meeting to visit him at his foster home in Plano and it was love at first bark. We think he is a Great Dane-Boxer mix but whatever he is he is a perfect mix for us. We brought him home that day on 4/2/11 and re-named him "Roman". He's b/t 18 months-2 years according to his teeth. He was on death-row in a Palestine animal shelter. The shelter called Dane rescue and a volunteer drove 2 hours to get him. When she saw him she realized he may not be full Dane but didn't have the heart to leave him. Now I'm thanking God for that sweet sweet volunteer! Today marks a week with our pup and he is a freaking joy just like me! Everyone loves him! Even my nephew who I was nervous about b/c even though he is not Great Dane big he's still Big Dog BIG! Needless to say there was
no need to worry because they got along famously!





I've also mastered the art of getting my butt to boot camp at least 4x a week! I even went 5x last week. I'm extremely stoked that I've been able to keep my promise to myself. It is VERY hard getting up at 4:55am 3-4 times a weeks in order to make 5:30 boot camp but I've been doing it! I'm just hoping it'll pay off big!

The house is coming along fine. I finally bought my bedding so I'm fully much more settled. I planted some lilies and other flowers last Sunday so the yard is coming along. I'm just so happy being in our own place, it's very surreal!

My new job is going well. It's so weird being in a totally different field but I'm learning. I DO NOT like working full-hours again though! Ugh that part really sucks!
I'm still "technically" working for the placement company for 3 more weeks but after that I will be permanent. Once that occurs I'll pass on a little news :-)

First Try at Gardening/Planting! LOL

So today was my first go at gardening/planting EVER! It was a beautiful day and Tommy and I decided to go to our new date spot Home Depot. We bought some gardening tools, waterhose, some African Daisies (deep burgandy and a deep purple), a new planter, gardening gloves for me and some planting soil.

BEFORE



AFTER



AFTER



We just wanted to do something small to start with since it was such a beautiful day. I poured myself a glass of wine and of course beer for Tommy, cranked up our Bose system and got down and dirty. I must say thoroughly enjoyed it. We have a long way to go but today was a good start. Not too overwhelming and it was fun. It's nice to do something that's all our own! I even took some before and after pictures.

It's nothing fancy yet but it's a start and it'll only get better. I'm going to add some hydranges and some lilies next and fresh ground cover all the way around. Stay tuned!


BEFORE


AFTER


DURING

Pup or no Pup...Now that's the Question!

Tommy and I always said when we bought our first house we'd get a puppy. We both like BIG DOGS. So the more we settled in and the more we spoke in spells about getting our first pup. We both are interested in a Great Dane. Yeah I know they are big as a house but I have always had big dogs, mostly German Shepherds. I know GDs are wayyyyyyy bigger but I still want one. Small dogs are OK but I just like the safety I feel with bigger dogs, even if they are push-overs. Plus when Tommy travels it will help me feel safer without feeling like I always have to have a houseguest. Anyway so I mentioned wanting a pup to my friend the other day at brunch and she told us about Great Danes of North Texas Rescue.

So I contacted them on Tuesday and did an application for adoption online. I received a couple of emails with information and on Wednesday I got the call for a phone interview. It went well and they explained in more detail how the match-making process played out. The rep told me I'd be contacted for a home visit soon. Well soon came pretty quick and I was contacted the next day! So tomorrow at 1:00 we have our home visit and the rep actually brings their own great dane. So I'm excited and nervous b/c I'll actually have a huge dog in my home and I'm OCD. This however is a wonderful idea b/c I'll be able to get a feel of what it'll be like to have a HUGE dog in my home. We'll see how it goes! Wish us luck!

Awww So That's It...

My patio and front doors are both open...there are wonderful breezes going in and out of my house. Birds are chirping and my trees have new beautiful violet blooms. I'm listening to light chimes from my chandelier while sitting on my chaise and when I close my eyes I feel overwhelmed with joy...This is "THAT" feeling everyone was telling me about. Homeownership...I must admit it does feel really nice.

**Blessed**